


Say You Love Me

by Eiravanora



Category: Marvel Adventures: Avengers, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1930s, 1940s, Alcohol, Anticipation, Boys Kissing, Emotional, F/M, Gen, Heartbreak, Kissing, Lust, M/M, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes, Sassy, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-07-14 21:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 43,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7190255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eiravanora/pseuds/Eiravanora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every single word that Steve had said was true. Bucky knew that. But he wasn't going to give Steve the satisfaction. Not this time. He's not backing down. "How am I selfish? How am I selfish, huh, Steve? I have stood by you for years. I've devoted myself to you, to this life with you."</p><p>"Devotion? Is that what you call it? You run around town, chasing every skirt you see. For years I watch you go with girls after girls after girls. Every weekend, I stayed home wondering where you were, who you're with when you're coming back. But you like that, don't you? Having me to come home to. Someone to take care of you while you run around town being the next Casanova. You've been a glutton to your guilty pleasures for far too long, Buck. You want your cake and eat it too, but you need to wake up to the world around you. It doesn't always cater to your needs," Steve continued.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Connie goes dancing

Having just arrived only 3 days before, Connie was still getting used to being away from home. New York seemed so alien to her. Everything was fast-paced. If it wasn’t for her brother’s constant encouragement to get out of town and explore the world, she would have still be stuck back home. When she wrote to her cousin Shirley that she was finally leaving for New York, Shirley was thrilled. She arranged a room for Connie at the same women’s hostel that she was living in and even managed to get Connie a job together with her at one of the factories near the docks. Shirley moved to New York at a tender age of 10, after her mother remarried. Before that, the two of them were inseparable and not even the distance could weaken the bond between them.

Connie didn't feel like going out, let alone going dancing, but Shirley had convinced her that it was the best way to 'get to know people’ and ‘to be seen’. Shirley was definitely in the mood to dance. She has been in a good mood since lunchtime. Connie doesn't care much for dancing, she enjoys the music but she would rather stay home and read. Besides, who would want to dance with her? Well, it seemed that Shirley had seen to that too. She managed to get dates for the both of them with a couple of guys from the docks. One of them, in particular, was apparently quite popular among the ladies.

"Wait 'til you see him, Con. A real sweetheart he is and charming too. A handsome devil this one, the kind that your brother Charlie would want you to stay away from. Broke a lot of girls' hearts down at the dance hall. But he's always such a chap, minding his manners and all."

"If he's so handsome, then why don't you take him for yourself?" Connie teased.

"Well, I got a fella of my own," Shirley beamed. "Besides, me and Bucky go a long way. We're just pallies now."

Connie couldn't help but wonder if Shirley and this Bucky fella ever dated. Shirley has never been the kind of girl who is ‘just pals’ with guys.

"C'mon, it'll be a gas," Shirley claimed as she hooked her arm through Connie's and led the way to the dance hall. They could hear the band playing from across the street and steady streams of people were flowing in. Leaning against the brick wall of the hall’s exterior were two guys, both equally good looking - tall with broad shoulders. They were both enjoying a smoke each but one of them immediately put out his cigarette when he saw Shirley approaching. His face lit up and he beamed at Shirley. But the other had a far-off look and his dark eyes hidden behind foppish brown hair, so dark that it could easily be mistaken as black.

"Hey fellas," Shirley greeted them. She leaned forward and pecked one of them - the one that was smiling - on the cheek before introducing Connie. "This here is Roy. He's a Supervisor down at the docks. Words goin' 'round that he'll be getting a promotion soon." She was grinning proudly as she mentioned that last bit to Connie. Connie smiled politely and gave a little congratulatory. Roy just smiled and gave a little shrug modestly, shuffling his foot shyly.

"And this here is, Bucky," Shirley winked at Connie and nudged her chin to the other man. "Hey, Buck. Say 'Hello' to my cousin, Connie."

"Hey," Bucky replied, his cigarette hanging loosely at the corner of his lips. His voice was gruff like he had one too many cigarettes. Connie gave a stiff wave hello and a tight smile, but Bucky had already looked away. He took a long drag of his cigarettes and looked down at his shoes before exhaling. This was definitely not the kind of hello that she was expecting from a charming chap.

"Jesus, Buck, you look like you came straight from work. I thought you said you were gonna get cleaned up," Shirley pout.

It was either Bucky did not hear her complained or simply chose to ignore her.

"Couldn't you at least be a little happy to meet Connie? She's been looking forward to tonight all day," Shirley lied, raising her penciled eyebrows, and making weird eye signals to Connie. Connie could feel her face turning a little red.

"I'm here, aren't I?" Bucky replied begrudgingly. He threw his cigarette to the ground and stamped it out before lighting another one. Shirley just rolled her eyes. Roy whispered to her to just let him be and mentioned a name that sounded like 'Steve'.

More and more people were going inside and the crowd cheered as the familiar sound of In The Mood started. Shirley gave out a little delightful laugh before pulling Roy inside.

“Come on, Connie!” she called out.

"I'll see you inside," Connie called out to the back of their heads. She turned to Bucky to see if he was ready to go inside. He was still enjoying his smoke and clearly had no interest in going inside anytime soon. She was suddenly aware of how insecure she felt standing alone with what seemed like the total opposite of what Shirley had promised her. The Bucky that Shirley described was handsome with bright blue eyes and always has a smile on his face and a pretty girl around his arm. The Bucky standing in front of her was unkempt, unshaved and was deep in his thoughts and the only girl that he was with him was her, awkwardly trying not to look foolish.

She looked down at her buckled shoes and started shifting her weight from one foot to another. She was suddenly aware of how plain she really was. Her blonde hair was not a shade that one would describe as 'golden' but she always made sure that it's brushed and neatly pinned. She grew up feeling insecure about her nose and the freckles that were dusted across it. Even the dress that she was wearing was a loan from Shirley.

She decided to leave the scene before she ended up doing or saying something stupid.

"So...I’m gonna go inside…to…erm, yeah.”

Before she could hear Bucky’s reply, she made her way inside the hall quickly and let herself be engulfed by the crowd. The music was bouncing off the walls the people were already dancing. She could see Roy on the dance floor twirling Shirley around. A tinge of envy crept into her heart as she looked at how Shirley is able to be so carefree, but she stomped it out quickly and was happy to see her dear cousin happy. She smiled to herself a little and made her way to get herself a drink.

She could see the awning of the drink booth at the other side of the hall and excused herself through the crowd, glancing and smiling awkwardly, making sure she don’t end up stepping on someone’s feet. But as she was diligently looking down, she didn’t realize that she was closed to the dancefloor and was unceremoniously pushed by a couple doing a spin, which sent her stumbling into the arms of a burly man with crooked teeth and a smile that gave her goosebumps. But in a bad way.

“Woah there baby-doll, you a’right?” he asked as he helped her find her feet, his grip around her waist a little tighter than appropriate.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you,” she replied with a nervous smile, as she tried to pry herself off him.

“Hey, how about one dance huh?”

“No, thank you. I have to go.” She could smell alcohol on his breath as he pulled her closer to him.

“C’mon now, just one dance.”

Connie suddenly felt dizzy, her lungs were pushing out air faster than she could replace it. She tried to say no repeatedly and wiggled as hard as she could but it only made his grip tighter. No one seemed to be aware of her predicament. No one seemed to have heard her pleas. Except for one person.

“I believe the lady said ‘No’, Mayfield,” said a familiar voice. She made a quick glance and saw a pair of piercing blue eyes looking directly at the goon harassing her.

“Bucky,” she said under her breath.

“Get lost Barnes, and mind your own biz.”

He released one hand from her waist to push him away and as quickly as she could blink, Bucky punched him squared in the face. Mayfield stumbled back and lost his balance. He crashed to the floor and would have pulled Connie down with him if it wasn’t for Bucky’s quick reflex.

He pulled her by the wrist and placed his hand on the small of her back. She clung onto his arm desperately as she tried to ease her breathing.

“Go home, Mayfield, you’re drunk,” said Bucky coolly and turned, leading Connie towards the door.


	2. The Walk Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And he walked her home.
> 
> Tags updated.

The night air was cool and after being in the crowded hall, and Connie welcomed it. She moved a few feet up the street away from the people clustered outside the dance hall, no doubt trying to get some fresh air before they continue dancing. She faced away from them and closed her eyes. She inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself. Beads of cold sweat had already formed on her forehead. Connie is not claustrophobic but just being restrained by the drunk gave her anxiety. She could still smell him on her dress, the stench of stale beer. Shirley was sure to throw a fit when she finds out.

After a couple of deep breaths, she could feel her flustered skin returning to normal and her heartbeat slowed down. Going dancing was definitely a bad idea, she thought. She should have listened to her instinct, but she didn’t want to disappoint Shirley, who had done so much for her. She figured she would just take Shirley out for lunch the next day to make up for leaving early and without a goodbye.

Connie was starting to feel better when she had this strange feeling that someone was staring at her. She took a little peek and was greeted by a pair of blue eyes looking right back at her.

 _Bucky_.

“Aw'right?” he asked, his Brooklyn accent becoming slightly noticeable. Connie just nodded. “Listen, I’m sorry about before. I was being a fat-head. I shouldn’t have let you go in there by yourself.”

“No, it's my fault, I shouldn't have run off like that. Thank you, for… _that_.”

Bucky just gave a little nonchalant shrug as if saving dames in trouble is an everyday occurrence to him.

“Well, good night,” Connie replied before ducking away and crossing the street. She has had enough excitement for one night.

She could feel Bucky’s eyes on her as she walked away and by the time she was on the opposite side, he had already caught up with her.

“So…where're 'ya goin'?"

"Home," Connie replied quietly.

“M'kay.”

Connie was expecting him to leave her alone and return to the dance hall. But instead he shoved his hands into his pocket and kept on walking next to her, his footsteps slowed down to match her pace.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m walkin’ 'ya home,” he replied like she had just asked him the stupidest question.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. I want to.”

“I didn’t ask for company.” She was getting slightly annoyed. After what happened, all she wanted was to be alone.

“I’m not walkin’ ya’ home for _company_. I’m walkin’ ya’ home ‘cuz it’s the right thin’ to do.” Bucky replied with a sigh. His Brooklyn drawl becoming more obvious when irritated.

As much as Connie hated to admit it, she was glad to have Bucky escorting her home. The streets were not exactly deserted, as it was still early in the evening, but it still was nice knowing that she was not alone. She knew the area because the dance hall was on the same block as the diner that Shirley had brought her a couple of times before.

They walked together in silence, their footsteps falling in and out of sync. A few minutes – and a cigarette, for Bucky – later, the silence was beginning to get really loud, and Bucky couldn’t take it anymore.

“So,” he finally said, running his fingers through his hair. “How do you like it here so far?” His accent now under control.

Connie looked up at Bucky and smiled at his sweet attempt to make conversation, either to make up for his rudeness or simply because he hated not talking. Maybe he was the one who needed company. He did seem pretty bothered earlier.

“It seems alright so far,” she replied. “But it’s only been three days.”

“A lot could happen in just three days,” Bucky remarked.

“Yes, that is true. Just like tonight – I went to my first New York dance hall, was harassed by a drunk and was saved by Brooklyn’s top heartbreak, Bucky Barnes.”

“Ah, so you’ve heard,” Bucky quipped, his eyebrows lifted in mocked surprised, to which Connie laughed in response. He knew that Connie was just teasing him, but he didn’t deny the label that she had given him.

 _Heartbreaker_.

Everyone who knew him knew that Bucky Barnes was not the kind of guy that a girl should bring home to meet their parents. Bucky Barnes was not the kind of guy that _any_ decent girl should be seen with either. Yet, that did not stop them dames from flocking around him.

“Shirley might have mentioned something,” Connie replied with a smiling and a little shrug.

Bucky let out a little sniggered, and just like that, the tension in the air dissipated. The conversation that followed came easily after that. Bucky asked Connie about home and she described to him what farm life was like. He watched as her eyes grew big with excitement when she told him of the rickety bridge that she had to cross every day to get to school when she was younger and how the air there was lighter - free of smog and always fresh. A warm feeling washed over him as he noticed the admiration in her voice when she talked about her brother, Charlie, and how he had practically raised her. He had never been with a girl this long and not had the urge to kiss her. Well, he had never left the dance hall where his head was not buzzing with alcohol either. Guess tonight was a night for first times.

Bucky was engrossed in telling Connie about the kind of music that he usually dances to when she stopped walking abruptly and stood in front of a building that was 4-stories high.

“Is this it?” he asked eyeing the building and squinted at the nameplate by the door to get a better view of what was engraved in it. “ _Mrs. Hobbs Housing for Young Ladies_ – Fancy,” he remarked, sounding impressed.

“It’s nothing,” Connie replied modestly. “Just a bedroom  – it’s enough.”

“Better than the shithole Steve and I have, I bet”, Bucky muttered to himself. If Connie had heard him, she showed no sign of it.

“Well, thank you for walking me home,” Connie said, climbing up the steps to the main entrance, while fishing for her keys from her purse. “Goodnight.”

“Hey, listen –“, Bucky called out. Connie was already half-way up the concrete steps. He ran his fingers through his hair for the millionth time before shoving his hands into his pockets. Connie frowned a little. She was beginning to find that little habit of his a little distracting. “I promised Shirley that I was gonna show you a good time tonight but, well, that didn’t happen. Let me make up for it."

“No, you really don’t have to,” Connie replied sincerely.

“Aw c’mon, Roy would bust my chops on Monday when he finds out that I went back on my word. _Please_.”

Bucky looked up at Connie, his blue puppy-dog eyes quietly pleading for some kind of redemption. He was beginning to like Connie and he hated himself for the way he behaved earlier with her. If he had been a little bit nicer to her, she wouldn’t have been alone in the dance hall, and she definitely wouldn’t have been caught in the arms of a goon like Mayfield. His Ma had taught him better than this, she would have given him a good smack for treating a nice dame that way. And Steve would have his head for his lack of chivalry. He was not sure which was worse.

“Let me take you out for lunch tomorrow,” Bucky continued when Connie didn’t reply, immediately wishing that he had offered to take her to the picture house instead. It was definitely cheaper than lunch. But he crossed his fingers still, hoping that she would say ‘yes’.

“Alright, but only because I wouldn’t want you to get into any trouble with Roy,” Connie pointed out. Bucky grinned at her, seemingly pleased with himself. Right then, Connie understood what Shirley was talking about.

_A handsome devil this one, the kind that your brother Charlie would want you to stay away from._

“Tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow then,” Connie echoed. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Connie.”

She noticed that he had paused before mentioning her name. It was the first time that he had said her name since they were introduced earlier that night and just hearing it coming out of his mouth made the skin on her arms tingle, which was not what she had expected. She quickly turned the key and closed the door behind her. She could see him lighting a cigarette and watched him from behind the curtains as he made his way down the street.

"A lot _can_ happen is just 3 days," she muttered to herself and sighed, smiling slightly as she made her way up the stairs to her room.

\-----

“Do you see them?” Shirley exclaimed as she stood on tiptoes, trying to see over everyone else’s heads.

“Don’t see them,” Roy replied as his eyes swept the room. Being as tall as he is, he could easily see over everyone.

“What?” Shirley yelled, straining her ears to hear him over the loud music.

“I DON’T SEE THEM,” Roy said again. “C’mon, maybe they’re outside, having a smoke,” Roy whispered loudly close to Shirley’s ear and escorted her out of the dance hall by the arm.

The crowd had gotten a little rowdy as the night wore on. Alcohol was never served in the dance hall but the joint across the street was a good source for those who needed some liquid courage to dance with a dame, or maybe just to dance. Undoubtedly, some would take that for granted and get hammered there just to create a little ruckus in the hall.

Once outside, Shirley and Roy started asking around if they had seen Bucky. It was easier to ask for Bucky rather than Connie, as he’s the one that everyone knew.

“Hey! Ya’ lookin’ for Barnes?”

Roy turned to look at Mayfield. He was leaning against the wall and was surrounded by his gang. He had a scowl on his face and his lip was a little swollen. The front of his shirt was trickled with what looked like dried blood. Shirley let out a little gasped when she came to stand next to Roy.

“Tell ‘em that if I ever see him again, I’ll bust him right in the kisser like he did me,” Mayfield continued, staggering towards them. He had a bottle of beer in his hand and judging by his demeanor, it wasn't his first for the night. Even at a distance the smell of alcohol was strong on him.

“He did this to you?” Roy chuckled.

“Ya’ thin’ that’s funny, eh? That asshole squared me right in the face and ran off with some broad before I could ever get a hit. Coward.” Mayfield spat on the concrete pavement as he finished his sentence.

“Connie? He ran off with Connie?” Shirley asked anxiously, not sure if she should be glad or worried to know that her dear cousin was with _that_ Bucky Barnes without a chaperone.

“Yeah, whatever her name is,” Mayfield growled. “All I asked was for one dance.”

“You sure you asked?” Roy cocked his eyebrow. Mayfield has never been known for his manners, especially not towards the dames. Broad shoulders and all bulk, he thinks he owns everything, everyone. Standing at 6'3", he towered over almost everyone. Everyone but Roy. “Shouldn’t have crossed Barnes, you know that,” Roy continued.

Mayfield didn’t answer him, he just grunted and muttered under his breath before rejoining his gang. Roy wrapped an arm around Shirley and kissed the side of her temple when he saw how worried she was.

“C’mon doll, lemme take you home. Connie’s probably waiting for you there.”

“But…” Shirley stammered, uncertainty was clear on her face.

“Bucky may be a hunk of heartbreak but he is also a gentleman. And from what you told me of Connie, she ain’t that kinda gal,” Roy assured her. All she could do was nodded and let him take her home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Ashli (wheretimeisneverplanned on Tumblr) for being my beta-reader and editing my work.


	3. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Enters Steve - Stage Right)

Bucky took out his last cigarette and crushed the empty pack before tossing it to the ground. He lit it up and inhaled deeply, enjoying the taste of nicotine on his tongue and at the back of his throat. The air was getting a little chilly as he approached the East River so he pulled his jacket a little tighter. He could see the tenement from where he was and was glad to know that home was just around the corner.

He stubbed out his cigarette before climbing up the wooden stairs leading to the tiny one-bedroom apartment that he shared with Steve. That one bedroom used to belong to Steve's mom before she passed. Steve's bed would be outside at the corner of the living room/kitchenette/dining area. Bucky moved in a day after the funeral, not wanting Steve to mourn alone. Steve's bed was then shifted into the room and the cupboard now takes its place outside. It was easier to have deep midnight conversations in the dark when both beds were in the room. The room was a little warmer and during those cold winter nights, the two beds would be pushed together so that they could share their blankets instead of just having one each. It really wasn't much, but it was home. Even though Bucky's parents kept insisting that Steve move in with them instead, Steve wasn't ready to leave the apartment behind. It was the only thing he had left of his dear beloved mother.

Bucky unlocked the door and his eyes adjusted to the dimmed room. Streetlights were definitely brighter. He took off his jacket and threw it over the dining chair and poured himself a glass of water.

"Bucky?" Steve's voice croaked as he came out from the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. He was already in his pajamas. "You're home early."

Bucky glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost ten but still considerably early as he would always return home after midnight whenever he's out dancing.

"Yeah, did I wake you?" He asked as he put the empty glass into the sink, and sat down on the chair to take his shoes off.

"No, I wasn't asleep. Tried to but....can't." Steve shuffled joining Bucky at the kitchenette and frowned a little as he rinsed out the glass for Bucky. He then sat opposite Bucky at the table. "Bad date huh?"

"It wasn't a date, Steve," Bucky replied. "It was a favor, for Roy."

"Yeah, if you say so, pal. So what happened? She didn't let you kiss her, so you left her?"

"It wasn't like that!" Bucky laughed. "Connie's a nice gal. Totally different from Shirley. Although now Shirley is pretty different herself ever since she's been with Roy."

"I noticed," Steve replied before giving a loud yawn.

"Anyways, I wasn't able to keep my end of the bargain with Roy tonight so I'm gonna have to take Connie out for lunch tomorrow."

"You're seeing her again tomorrow?" Steve asked, suddenly wide awake. Bucky rarely sees the same girl back-to-back. This dame must be really something. Or just really lucky.

"Well, yeah, just to make things right."

Bucky shrugged as he walked over to the cupboard and took out a clean pair of pajama pants. He took off his shirt and pants and threw them on top of the pile of dirty clothes at the corner of the room. He gave himself a mental reminder to bring that over to his parents soon or else they would run out of clothes to wear. Bucky and Steve visit the Barnes’ every other weekend to get their laundry done by Mrs. Barnes and also just to catch up. Mrs. Barnes always roasts a whole chicken whenever they come over and makes sure that they would have leftovers to bring home.

"What d'ya mean 'make it right'? What the hell did you do?" Steve asked, the crease between his eyebrows deepened.

"It's no big deal," Bucky replied pulling up his pants. "Don't worry about it."

Steve just stared at Bucky. He hates it when Bucky doesn't tell him things. But sometimes, he knows that Bucky doesn't share because he doesn't want Steve to worry. And it's usually concerning dames.

"Oh, by the way," Bucky continued, as an afterthought. "Try to avoid the corner store at the end of the street for the next few days."

"Mr. Mayfield's store? Why?"

Bucky let out a loud sigh and looked up to the ceiling while muttering some curses under his breath. He told Steve what really happened and how he had knocked Mayfield Jr. out at the dance hall. And braced himself for what was coming next.

"You did what?" Steve cried out, jumping out of the chair. "Dan Mayfield is about a head taller than you. He could’ve pounded you to next Tuesday!"

"Hey, I was being chivalrous, okay? Besides, when has size difference ever stopped you from getting into fights with someone bigger than you."

"That's different! And this is not about me, this is about you. You were being stupid, that's what you were. I don't believe this."

"Yeah, I know. Being stupid is your job," Bucky grinned at Steve who just shook his head.

"Well, you seemed to have brought all the stupid with you tonight. Jerk."

"Punk," Bucky chided back at Steve endearingly. Steve glared at him, but couldn’t stop the smile that was itching to make an appearance at the corner of his mouth. "C'mon, let's get to bed."

Their wooden beds creaked and the springs groaned in their worn out mattresses as they climbed into their respective beds. 

"You know, Buck, for what it's worth, I'm glad you did the right thing." 

"When have I ever not?" Bucky countered.

Steve smiled to the darkness. He was glad that things are alright with them again. Steve heard Bucky gave out a yawn and tossed in his bed.

"By the way, Buck?"

"Hmmm...?"

"I'm...I'm sorry about before. You know..."

"Don't worry about it, pal. Already forgotten," Bucky replied. Even in the dark, Steve could hear Bucky's smile and it lifted the weight off his chest and he finally went to sleep.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

Bucky whistled as he ran his comb through his hair. Steve sat at the dining table with his sketchbook opened. He looked up at Bucky getting ready for his lunch date with Connie and flipped open to a fresh page. He ran long quick strokes across the page and there was a silhouette of Bucky from behind. He started filling it up with the details - shadows, highlights - when Bucky came up to him and looked at what he was drawing. Steve leaned back and lifted the book as to ask Bucky  _ Whadya' think _ ? Bucky nodded his approval and clapped Steve on the shoulder. 

Steve was always drawing Bucky. Being cooped up at home almost all the time gave him very little to work with. Sometimes he would sit by the open window and draw the Brooklyn Bridge standing tall across the East River. Sometimes he would draw the Manhattan skyline, or what limited view he had of it. But most times, his favorite subject was Bucky. His first drawing of Bucky was when they were just kids, and Bucky had lost his tooth in a fight. Bucky posed, grinning proudly, showing off the gaping hole in contrast with the rest of his pearly whites. Mrs. Barnes freaked out that day. Good thing the tooth grew back.

Bucky was all cheery and set to go until his face fell when he opened his wallet. He did some mental calculations before asking Steve. "Hey, dya' think she'd mind hotdogs for lunch?" his face crumpled up in disappointment. "Or maybe just soup?"

Steve got up from the table and went inside the room. He returned seconds later and handed Bucky a couple of banknotes. It was from his 'rainy days' stash, for when he needed medicine. He was always needing medicine.

"Naw Steve, I can't take that. That's yours, you did real work for that."

"And I can do it again. It's been a month since my last attack and the air has been good these past days. There's still some medicine left from the last time you bought it for me. Go on, take it."

Bucky just stood there shamed-faced. For months, he's been using his own pay to buy the medicine that Steve needed. Steve rarely works because of his health so on rare occasions that he was paid for painting a shop sign or sketching out a portrait for someone's birthday, Bucky insisted that Steve saves it for a rainy day. He just never thought that him being too broke to bring a dame out for lunch was considered 'a rainy day'.

"Will you just take the damn money," Steve blurted, shoving the notes into Bucky's hand.

"Thanks, pal. I'll pay you back as soon as I can," Bucky replied.

"I know you will." Steve sat back down and returned to his sketchbook.

"Well, I'm off then. I should be back before sundown. Don't do anything stupid 'til I get back." Bucky winked as he closed the door. Steve just waved his hand dismissively not bothering to look up. But as soon as the door closed, he raised his head, stared at the door and sighed. He wasn't sure why he suddenly felt sad, but he knew that he always hated it when Bucky left him alone. Especially for a gal.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

**Summer, 1927**

 

_ “Go, Bucky! Go!” _

_ Bucky could hear everyone else yelling. He covered the uneven paving stones with a great speed that suggested his ankles were made of tightly coiled springs rather than sinew and bone. His long, brown-colored locks whipped back and forth behind him as he passed second base. His eyes focused on reaching the Home plate so that he could win the game for his team. He had never hit a home run before. So what that he didn’t exactly hit the ball out of the park. It didn’t matter that the ball flew into an alley, hit the side of the building and ended up rolling behind the dumpster. What mattered was that the opposing team had no way of retrieving the ball without moving the monstrous tin can, and there was no way 5 scrawny 10 and 11-year-olds could do that.  _

_ The crowd cheered as he slammed his feet onto the Home plate. Spectators and teammates ran up to him, giving him pats on the back and tousling his hair saying, “Atta’ boy!” and “Way to go, Barnes!”. There were even cheers coming from the windows of the apartments along the street. The bigger boys who were part of the spectators lifted him up onto their shoulders for awhile and in that one glorious moment, when he was above everyone else, his head started whipping around, looking, searching, until his eyes were locked onto a pair of blue eyes that were staring back at him, and a smile that made him feel like he was the champion of the world. _

_ Steve was sitting on a curb with his opened sketched book on his lap. His mouth spread widely across his face which lit up as bright as the Summer’s sun. He was clapping so hard, his palms hurt. But he didn’t care. Because Bucky hit a homerun. Bucky won the game. His chest was so full of pride that if he was any prouder, he thought he would burst.  _

_ Suddenly, a horn started blaring and everyone scattered. _

_ “Get the HELL outta the streets!” The driver of a dark blue pickup truck yelled as he drove by, running over white pillow cases that were used as bases for the game. The magic was gone. Everyone started saying their goodbyes and promised to meet up again the next day for another game before going their separate ways. _

_ Bucky ran up to Steve, his clothes and hair, slick with perspiration, clung to his skin. _

_ “Did you see me?” he asked, his eyes wide and pupils dilated with excitement. “Steve, did you see me?” _

_ “I saw you, buddy,” Steve replied, smiling expansively. _

_ “Mah’ God, it was amazing!” Adrenaline was still gushing through Bucky’s veins. “I didn’t think I could hit it, but when the ball was flying towards me, it was like, everything slowed down and it was so easy for me to whack it with the bat. And did you see how the ball hit the wall and then bounced off it and rolled behind the dumpster? I didn’t know that was going to happen. I was just aiming for the alley. You know, make it a little further for them to get the ball.” _

_ Steve just smiled as his best friend rattled on about how it was the most amazing game he had ever played and about how good his aim was and maybe he should consider a career in baseball. _

_ “C’mon, let me buy you an ice-cream sundae,” Bucky offered, standing up and dusting the back of his pants. “You know, to celebrate.” _

_ “Can’t,” Steve replied quietly. He closed his sketchbook and stuffed his oversharpened pencil into his shirt pocket before standing up. “Ma said I can't have anymore ice-cream. Might trigger my asthma.” _

_ “Nah, no it won’t. You already had it last week. You’re not gonna get it again.” _

_ Steve just looked up at Bucky, uncertainty was clear on his face. Even as a gawky 10-year-old Bucky was much bigger than Steve, not only in height but also in confidence. And they were only a year apart. _

_ “C’mon, Rogers, it was my first home run! I’ll let you have toppings,” Bucky cocked an eyebrow and grinned, fully aware that Steve would take the bait. _

_ “Rainbow sprinkles?” Steve asked hopefully. His smile was back and just by the way he looked made Bucky’s throat tickled that he just had to laugh. _

_ “Whatever you want, pal,” Bucky replied, throwing an arm around Steve’s gaunt shoulders. _

_ Bucky had a scoop of Butter Pecan while Steve indulged in a scoop of  Vanilla Fudge with Rainbow Sprinkles. He didn’t sleep that night because he had an asthma attack. But he didn’t care. It was worth it. _

_ Bucky slept over for the first time and stayed up with him the whole night. _

_ The next day, George Barnes smacked Bucky in the face so hard that his ears rang for hours. He had told his father that he had lost his week’s allowance while playing baseball in the streets. _

_ It hurt like hell, but he didn’t care, because he had made Steve happy. It was worth it. _  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Ashli for being my Beta-reader and editing my work. =)
> 
> And thank you all for the 91 Hits and 4 Kudos! I'm not sure how many of you actually read the whole thing but thanks anyways. If you have any questions or prompts, you can send me an Ask on my [Tumblr](http://godlovelifemusic.tumblr.com/).


	4. You'll Never Forget Your First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets someone from the past. Someone who he thought had left Brooklyn long ago.

Shirley sat on Connie's bed and watched as she put the last pin in her hair. Shirley was always secretly envious of how Connie's hair seemed to stay in place with minimal pins. Her own thick dark mane is ridiculous to handle and so she always ended up either tying it too tightly or putting in too many hairpins that it gave her a headache.

Connie's blouse was cream colored and had lace panels from the shoulders diagonally downwards to the row of buttons, forming a V-shape on her chest, like a tease for the eyes even though she had it buttoned all the way up. She paired it with a skirt, a beautiful shade of light pink and it ended right below the knee, as how any decent babe would wear theirs. But Shirley had been wearing hers about an inch shorter for as long as she could remember.

Connie took a step back and studied herself in the mirror one last time before turning to Shirley.

"Well?" she asked, waiting for some kind of approval.

"I still can't believe you're going out with him again," Shirley replied, crinkling her nose in dismay. Connie simply rolled her eyes, can't believe that they were about to have the same conversation all over again.

"You were the one who set us up," She laughed.

"I did not! It was not a setup! It was one night out. That was it. I wanted to go dancing and I didn't want to leave you alone. So I got you a dancing partner. He wasn't supposed to take you on a date."

"Well, he is, and I'm going. And it's not a date. He's just feeling guilty for being a jerk last night," Connie shrugged as she put on a pair of pearl earrings taken from Shirley's jewelry box.

"Well even if it's not a date, you're still going out with Bucky Barnes, and just because of that, all eyes will be on you. So, you will need a little somethin'," she jumped off the bed and scuttled out of the room just to reappear less than a minute later. She held up two tubes of lipsticks.

"Not red," Connie warned and Shirley offered the other stick. It was a lighter hue of red with a soft pink undertone. Connie applied it slowly, gliding the stick across her lips just as how Shirley had taught her. Shirley watched over her shoulder and smiled proudly when Connie finished it up without the slightest smudge.

Agnes from down the hall knocked on the opened door softly and poked her head in.

"There's a really charming pip downstairs," she said, excitedly, looking at Connie. "Said he's looking for you."

"Thank you, Agnes," Connie replied. Agnes just smiled and winked at her before heading off to her room. Connie grabbed her purse and walked out of her room with Shirley following behind. She could feel Shirley staring at the back of her head as she turned the key to lock her room.

"Con?" Shirley said softly.

"Hmmm?"

"Should I - should I be worried?"

Connie turned to look at Shirley and realized that she was really concerned for her. There was a crease between her eyebrows and she was biting her bottom lip, a childhood habit that she was never able to get rid of. She's able to control it usually but it still happens when something made her really nervous or scared.

"That bad, huh?" Connie asked. Shirley just smiled slightly, tight-lipped. "I'll be careful, okay?"

Shirley just nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek, before turning to head back to her room. Connie smiled as she watched her walk away. She took a deep breath to compose herself before heading downstairs.

"Here goes," she whispered to herself.

\-----

Bucky had taken extra effort to look presentable. He even indulged in spending a dime to get his shoe shined on the way to the boarding house. He had paid close attention when he shaved in the morning and his foppish hair was slicked back with pomade. He even used their good soap which smelled of sandalwood. He put on his last clean shirt and was wearing his best jacket. Bucky was always particular about the way he looked, and the way he's dressed, but this time, he felt the need to look extra special. He was sure that it was just the guilt talking.

Bucky stood in the middle of the foyer and was waiting patiently for Connie when he heard a familiar voice. Sultry and arousing, smooth like melted butter. It sounded like it came right out of every man's dreams. Bucky turned around slowly hoping that it was his imagination, but there she was, as sexy as he how he remembered her.

"Well, well, well - look what the cat dragged in. James 'Bucky' Barnes. Must be my lucky day."

"What are you doing here, Vickie?" Bucky asked, his voice was tensed. He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard just to keep himself calm. His hands turned into tight fists in his pockets, fingernails digging deep into his palms.

"Now is that the way we greet old friends?" she replied and slithered towards him, her hips swayed gently, her tight skirt moving along like second skin. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here," his voice cracked and he tried again. "I'm here to see someone."

Bucky swallowed again, trying to keep his voice calm. He can't believe that after all these years, the spell that she had cast over him was still strong. She was standing so close to him, her strong perfume irritated his nose.

"My, look at you. All grown up, lookin' like the cat's meow. You clean up good, Barnes," She teased, tilting her head up slightly to look at him, her red lips puckered. She ran her hand down one of the lapels on his jacket. He inhaled sharply as he tried to contain a slight shiver when her fingers brushed lightly against his chest. The skin underneath his cotton shirt burnt where her fingers had touched. "Is it a date?"

Suddenly Bucky seemed to have lost his ability to speak - or think. The sound of someone clearing the throat jolted his senses back into place and he looked up. Standing in the middle of the stairs was Connie. She was staring straight at him. Her face was expressionless. Vickie turned slowly, following his gaze and her expression was shocked for a second before it turned stoned cold.

Connie made her way down and stood at the bottom of the stairs as Vickie sauntered towards her, both hands on hips. Connie stood her ground, her face calm and collected. But her inside was tensed - angry and jealous, maybe? She had seen Vickie around the building before, especially during meal times but had never been properly introduced, let alone had a conversation.

"New girl," Vickie scoffed, sweeping her gaze up and down. "I hope you don't get bored," she raised an eyebrow at Bucky and made her way up the stairs. She turned at the last minute and added as an afterthought, "but, you know where to find me if you do."

Bucky swallowed hard, relieved to see her walk away. His shirt collar suddenly felt a little too tight. He was so tempted to run his fingers through his hair to settle his nerves, but he had put in so much effort looking presentable for Connie that he just smiled at her instead and said, "Hi."

"Well," Connie finally spoke. "that was - interesting."

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea she was going to be here. She - she left town. We dated once before, long, loooooong ago. Ages ago."

"You don't have to explain anything to me Bucky," Connie replied, smiling. She meant it, though. He owed her no explanation. It's not like they were together. They were just two adults heading out to lunch. Not even as friends, not yet.

But that didn't stop her from encasing her heart with a layer of ice before putting it into a box.

\-----

The walk to the diner was not exactly uncomfortable, but the ease in their conversation was gone, unlike the night before. Bucky knew what was wrong but he was not sure what to do. It was easy with the other girls. He knew what to say to them, how to make them smile, melt their hearts just by smiling at them, or looking at them a certain way. But it was different with Connie. She doesn't seem like the kind that would fall for such childish gimmicks. So he just let it be. Who knows, maybe he might not even want to see her again after today. It was just supposed to be a one-time-thing, anyways. Just a favor for Roy.

Still a gentleman, Bucky held the door open for Connie and led her to one of the booth seats. it was just nice - not too far to the back because they're not hiding anything, nor was it too upfront as if they're exhibiting their time together. The waitress came almost immediately with menus for each of them and Bucky made his order without even looking through it. Connie took a little while to decide and in the end, she settled for a cold tuna sandwich with a side of cream of corn soup. They both ordered iced tea to cool themselves down after the walk to the diner.

"So, James, is it?" Connie asked, amused. Bucky groaned as he covered his face with both hands. Connie chuckled at his misery. "Why 'Bucky' though?" she continued.

"James _Buchanan_ Barnes," Bucky replied as if that was an explanation enough. He put his hands down and gave her a lopsided grin. She felt a little tingle in her stomach like it had just done a flip. Or maybe she was just hungry.

"'James' is a nice name," she said sincerely.

The waitress returned to their table with their Iced Tea. Connie looked down, took a sip and without looking up, she said softly, "Constance. Mildred. Kisro."

Bucky stared at her with wide eyes, his lips pressed together, hard, trying to suppress a smile. "It's - that's - a very nice name," he stuttered and looked out the window to hide his face. He put a hand over his mouth as he could feel the giggles slowly built up inside him. Connie did nothing to contain her giggle and the minute Bucky heard her tittering, he started laughing out loud and so did Connie.

As far as names go, Connie liked hers. Even though it was old fashioned, it was the name that her late grandmother had given her. She was used to all the jokes that were made with regards to her name and she's really not ashamed of it. But she figured Bucky could use the laugh nonetheless. Even if it was at her expense.

\-----

Lunch went well and the conversation went on long after they had finished their meals. But as promised to Steve, Bucky walked Connie back to Mrs. Hobbs and was on his way home before the sun set. With a cigarette in his mouth, he reflected back on how the day went and smiled to himself. Despite the rocky start, everything turned out fine in the end. Connie seemed to have enjoyed herself and he had kept his promise to Roy. He thought about how he had enjoyed himself as well, spending time with Connie. She made him laugh and in return, he liked making her laugh. Her laughter was warm and hearty. There was a sense of innocence to her but yet she says the wisest things. Connie was nothing like Vickie.

 _Vickie_.

It had been a long while since Bucky last saw Vickie. It was during one of those special dance parties at the hall that a green pubescent Bucky met Vickie. He had never seen anything like her. Her fiery red hair looked burning to the touch. It reminded him of an orange sunset, and it tumbled over her shoulders like rusty water. The clicking of her heels added rhythm to the music that played onward without pause and the way she swung her hips made his mouth dry. She was like a forbidden fruit that he had to taste and with just one kiss, he was addicted to her. She was his drug and he was her latest obsession. He threw away time and money and friendship just so he could be with her. But when the time came and she had had enough, what was considered a burning desire became an annoyance to her. She said Bucky was clingy and expected too much of her. Passionate nights turned into days filled with arguments. She left Brooklyn and Bucky experienced the sting of a broken heart. He swore that he would never let that happen to him ever again. He would never commit himself to anyone ever again. Except for Steve. Because Steve was there with him as he spent months and months putting himself back together. Steve was his best friend, his constant. All the way ‘til the end of the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for the Hits and Kudos. Please do comment as well if you can so I know what you guys think of the storey so far. Drop me a prompt if you like on my [Tumblr](http://godlovelifemusic.tumblr.com/)


	5. Do Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Connie tries to figure out their feelings.

"Vickie?!" Shirley nearly shouted the name. "Vickie from upstairs? That moll with the red hair?"

Connie just nodded.

"Wow. No wonder she's been givin' you the stink-eye lately."

"Is she really a moll?" Connie asked.

"Last I heard," Shirley shrugged. "Anyways, this is the fifth time you're going out with him. Is it finally a date?" Shirley teased as she crawled onto Connie's bed and lie on her stomach. "Has he tried to kiss you yet?"

Connie just shook her head.

"Do you want him to?" Shirley asked, genuinely curious. Connie just smiled slightly and gave a little shrug. "Does he know that?"

Again, Connie shook her head. Shirley just sighed and turned over to lie on her back. "Why do you even go out with him?"

"Because I enjoy spending time with him," Connie replied honestly. "I like talking to him. He's smarter than he looks."

Shirley snorted in response. No girl had ever carry a torch for Bucky Barnes simply because she enjoys a conversation with him, and Bucky was never known to be the talking type.

"We talk about a lot of things. Like what he does at the docks - "

"I could have told you that," Shirley interrupted.

" - and we talk about the books that we like - "

"Does he even read?"

" - and he told me about Steve and his drawings, and how they had known each other since they were kids and how close they are. He told me interesting facts about space and how Germany is in the lead for it. He is smart, not many people know that about him."

"Did he tell you about Rebecca?" Shirley asked gingerly, flopping back onto her stomach.

"Yes," Connie replied softly.

Shirley started chewing her lower lip as if she was deliberating. Bucky almost never shares the story about Rebecca and for him to open up to Connie is a big deal. But he still hasn't made a move on Connie, so could it be that he was sharing because he sees her as a confidante? Or has the wound finally healed and it had made it easier for him to talk about it? If Bucky sees Connie nothing more than just a gal-pal, then Connie has the right to know. Shirley could tell that she was clearly stuck on him. But it's also unlike Bucky to be focused on just one girl and not pull any of his smooth moves. She asked Roy about it but even he had no idea what was going on. Seems like Bucky hadn't mentioned anything to Roy about Connie apart from the time he took her out for lunch. Something is up with him and she needs to find out what. For Connie's sake.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door followed by Mrs. Hobbs voice on the other side. "Connie, your gentleman caller is here. He's waiting for you in the foyer."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hobbs," Connie called back before turning to Shirley. "I need a few more minutes, could you - please?"

"Alright." Shirley rolled her eyes and got off Connie's bed. It's time that she has a conversation with Bucky Barnes anyways.

\-----

Connie looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror and smooth out the front of her dress. She chose that particular blue dress because it reminded her of Bucky's eyes. Her hands lingered a little longer just below the belt. It's there. She could feel it. It has been there for some time now and it's getting harder and harder to deny it. The butterflies. They go wild whenever someone mentions Bucky's name or each time she has a thought about him. Which is, safe to say, all the time. Something is happening. Something that she was not expecting.

When Bucky had sent her home that day after lunch, she thought that was it. She would probably not see him again. She had resigned herself to that thought, until two days later, Bucky had called her and invited her out for supper. And twice for a walk around the block, just because he was 'in the neighborhood'. There was never a promise for them to see each other again, nor was there any expectations on Connie's part. But each time they parted, her heart sank just a little.

\-----

"Hey Bucky," Shirley called out as she came down the stairs. "What's buzzin', cousin?"

"Hey Shirley, haven't seen you in a while," Bucky answered with a smile. "Is she - ?"

"Yeah, she'll be right down. Listen - erm - I need to talk to you about somethin'."

"Yeah?"

"What's the deal with you and Connie?"

"What 'dya mean? We're just hangin' out - "

"Oh don't give me that bullshit, Barnes. We've known each other for so long. C'mon, this is my cousin we're talkin' about. And you told her about Rebecca," Shirley whispered urgently, trying to make her point.

"Shirley, I swear, we're just friends."

"So you say. But does she know that?" Shirley cocked her head towards the stairs and right on cue, Connie started coming down from it. Shirley noticed how her face lit up when she saw Bucky and if he didn’t notice that, then all those times he spent with girls was for nothing.

"Hi," she smiled at Bucky who returned with a lopsided grin. "Did you wait long?"

"Naw, I'm good. Got Shirley here, kept me company." He winked at Shirley who simply rolled her eyes to the heavens. "Shall we?"

"Yes," Connie kissed Shirley on the cheek and said goodbye before letting herself be lead out by Bucky.

\-----

Time spent with Connie was different compared to the other girls that he had been with. With Connie, he didn't have to impress her. He didn't have to think of what to say to sweep her off her feet. There were none of that flirting nonsense. All he had to do was be himself. It was like being with a friend, he told himself. But each time he walked her home, he would walk a little slower than usual, just to have a few extra seconds with her. And when he walks beside her, he had to be sure that his hands were in his pockets or else they might just end up holding hers. When they say goodbye, he often wishes that they didn't have to. He comes home from work a little later than he normally would because he would always find himself walking down the street where the hostel was.

On those rare occasions when he could finally muster the courage to call on her, it was under the pretense that he was simply 'in the neighborhood', just to invite her for a walk even if it's just around the block. After the second time of doing that, he had run out of ideas and excuses. But when Connie mentioned her liking for Cary Grant, a light bulb went on over his head. My Favorite Wife was showing in the picture house, he remembered Steve talking about how poorly the poster was drawn. And so he asked her casually if she wanted him to accompany her to watch it the next night. He was thrilled when she said, 'Yes'.

Bucky glanced at Connie as her eyes were transfixed on the screen. Her face slightly illuminated by the reflected movie light. She was wearing a blue dress with red shoes. Two of his favorite colors. Bucky has done this so many times before, he had lost count. It's textbook but the results are often satisfactory. Sometimes, even with an added bonus. All he had to do was to fake a yawn, stretch his arm and drape it across the shoulder before landing it just a little too close to the breast. Suddenly the memory of his date with Margaret Lee came into mind. It was the first time he tried to pull off this move and he was nervous as hell. He had gotten better over time, but this sure felt like a deja vu of that night. He took a deep breath and was getting ready to fake a yawn when Connie had chosen that exact moment to whisper something to him. But he had no idea what she was saying.

"Huh?" It was all he could say.

"I said, that Irene Dunne is such a compliment to Cary Grant. I love watching them act together."

Bucky just nodded stiffly in agreement, not trusting himself to open his mouth.

"Are you alright?" Connie asked. "You seem a little - pale."

"No, I'm fine," Bucky smiled slightly.

"Cary Grant looks so handsome with that hat on," Connie whispered again.

Bucky spent the next hour digesting that last line from Connie, he forgot to fake a yawn.

\-----

"Now, tell me again why we're doing this?" Steve asked, his pace quickened as he tried to catch up with Bucky.

"I just want to try, you know, see what it's like," Bucky replied lighting a cigarette.

Steve was on his way home from the art supply store when he ran into Bucky looking all wild in the eyes with his lopsided grin plastered on his face. He had just bought a canvas and new oil paints using the advance he had received for a commission work. This would be his biggest work yet and he can only hope that he would stay healthy long enough to complete it.

"But why the sudden interest?" Steve asked, making sure that he doesn't drop his purchases.

"Here we are." Bucky suddenly stopped in front of a shop. He put out his cigarette and pushed the door open. The bell rang as he walked in and Steve muttered a curse as he struggled with the door to follow. He looked around and saw a row of tailored suits displayed against the wall. It was arranged by colors, from the darkest of black to the brightest of white. On the opposite was another row of suits arranged like the rainbow - from purples to blues and greens and reds. An assortment of neckties and bowties neatly displayed on the island counter in the middle of the shop together with cufflinks and tie pins. On the window display, there was a fedora hat. It was gray suede with a black band around it and a central crease. Very swanky.

"Good afternoon Sir," Steve turned to see Bucky addressing the shop owner. "Is that a Cary Grant hat?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch [My Favorite Wife](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AIC_UsPubs)
> 
> Bucky in a hat was inspired by [this](https://sa-rin.tumblr.com/image/146158197276).


	6. Steve's First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve learnt something new

**_One Rainy Afternoon, 1933_ **

 

_The rain had caught them both off-guard. One minute it was clear skies, and then suddenly, dark clouds started to block the sun. It seemed like they were the only ones who were unaware of the coming rain. There was hardly anyone else in the streets, except for some stragglers rushing indoors to escape the rain._

_“Over there,” Bucky pointed to a small wooden building by the docks. “C’mon.”_

_He ran ahead, looking back a few times to make sure that Steve was catching up fine. He ran straight to the door and rattled it, trying to get it to open. Steve came up behind him, his thin jacket was totally soaked. His wet blond hair plastered to the sides of his face._

_“Fuck,” he muttered when he saw the rusted padlock. There were several warehouses like this along the docks, used to store imported cargo or unclaimed shipment. “This way,” Bucky called as he led Steve to the side of the building where there was a narrow corridor facing the river. It was lined with wooden crates some stacked up dangerously high, but it blocked the wind just fine. Bucky knew that he had to make sure Steve was kept as warm as possible, lest his asthma started acting up again. He could already hear Steve wheezing slightly._

_When he had found the perfect spot for them to hide out from the rain, he removed his jacket hastily and wrapped it around Steve shivering shoulders._

_“You have got to get a thicker jacket, Steve,” he scolded softly._

_“C-couldn’t af-afford one, remember?” Steve replied. He pulled the jacket tighter around himself. He didn’t bother to put his arms through the sleeves. It was nice and warm and smelled distinctly like Bucky. Steve inhaled it deeply as he slumped against the side of the building._

_“We should be a’right for now,” Bucky said as he looked up to the sky. “Damn, that came without a warning,” he chuckled. Steve just grunted as a response._

_They were on the way back from the park after enjoying a game of little league baseball when the rain started. They decided to take the long way back and walked along the river instead. Bucky had just gotten a job near the docks and wanted to show Steve. If he had known it was going to rain, he wouldn’t have suggested it._

_“‘Ya a’right?” Bucky asked, looking at his best friend. Steve was still shivering but his wheezing had stopped. “Come ‘ere.”_

_Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve and held him tightly, trapping Steve's arms. Steve welcomed the warmth and bury his face in Bucky’s chest like he had done to many times before. It felt natural to do so, as he was much smaller than Bucky. He could feel Bucky resting his chin on the top of his head. His tensed shoulders relaxed immediately. Bucky had always run a little warmer than Steve. Steve’s Ma used to refer to him as his personal furnace when they were kids. She would let him crawl into bed with Steve so that her son would stop shivering from the cold night air, especially during the winter. It made Bucky proud to be the one who could always make Steve feel better whenever he was sick._

_“Buck?” Came Steve’s muffled voice._

_“Hmmm?”_

_“I can’t breathe,” Steve replied. “Too tight.”_

_“Oh sorry,” Bucky replied quickly, releasing Steve from the embrace. “Better?” He asked as he ran his hands up and down Steve’s arms briskly._

_Steve nodded in response. “Thanks, Buck.”_

_“Gotta keep you warm. Your Ma would have my head if I don’t.” Steve just smiled. He knew that his ma treated Bucky just like a son. “Here, get on.”_

_Steve climbed onto the wooden crate that Bucky had pointed out and faced Bucky. It was nice to be able to look at him without having to look up. Sitting down he's nearly as tall as Bucky standing up._

_“Hey, I've never seen you up here before. Come here often?" Bucky joked._

_“Shut up, jerk,” Steve replied, backing his eye. Bucky was always teasing him about his size, but Steve knew it was all harmless._

_Bucky grinned and they fell quiet for a while and just listened to the sound of the rain echoing through the wood. Bucky suddenly reached out to Steve and started putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket searching for something. Steve just looked at him curiously. Bucky let out an ‘Ah’ of relief when he finally found what he was looking for in one of the inside pockets. A pack of cigarettes. He took one out and shoved the pack back into the pocket. Steve watched him as he licked his lips before placing the cigarette on it and lighted up. A puff of smoke swirled up above their heads before it was blown away into the rain. Bucky closed his eyes blissfully as he exhaled the smoke. Steve never cared about smoking, it was a habit that Bucky had picked up during one of the summers when he worked as a newspaper boy. Bucky thought it made him look snazzy, but Steve disagreed. Bucky had always been aces to Steve._

_“Well, anyway,” Bucky said suddenly, picking up their conversation from before they were interrupted by the rain. “I promised her that I would bring a friend - for her friend.”_

_“No,” Steve groaned._

_“Yes,” Bucky exclaimed. “We’re going dancing, my friend. Friday.”_

_“I’m gonna have a fever on Friday,” Steve proclaimed._

_“Shut up. You’re coming along.”_

_Steve asked, close to whining. “Why do you do this to me, Buck?”_

_“Because - I hate knowing that you’re always stuck at home, nose buried in that sketchbook of yours, when I’m out having fun. I want you to have fun with me.”_

_“I think you have fun enough for the both of us, Buck.”_

_“C’mon, when was the last time you went out on a date, huh?” Steve opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted. “Nancy Littmann. 3 months ago.”_

_“I’m not like you Buck, I don’t exactly got dames lining up to go out with me.”_

_“That is why when you have the chance, you gotta grab ‘em by the horns, or in this case, - “ he made an obscene gesture with both hands in front of him to mimic grabbing._

_“When did you start becoming a pervert? I think you’ve been hanging around Dan Mayfield too much. His crudeness is rubbing off on ‘ya.” Bucky just roared with laughter. Steve frowned. His Ma may not be able to provide him with the best, but she made sure to instill good manners into him, including the importance of respecting the ladies. Even if there were none around._

_“Seriously, though, I gotta ask buddy, how far did you go with nancy?”_

_“What?” Steve replied, pretending not to understand what Bucky was implying._

_“I mean, did you hold hands? Held her waist?”_

_“I - I opened the doors for her.”_

_“Jesus, Steve, that wasn’t what I asked,” Bucky laughed again. “Did you even kiss her after sending her home?”_

_“No,” Steve replied quickly. “She - she wouldn’t let me.”_

_“She wouldn’t let you? So, you tried?”_

_“She ran in the minute we got to the door, I didn’t even get to say a proper goodnight!” Steve cried out. The disappointment was still clear on his face even though it had happened a long while back._

_“That bad huh?” Bucky cringed. “You didn’t tell me that. When I asked you said it went well.”_

_“It went well enough, I suppose. At least she didn’t run home crying.”_

_Bucky shook his head. He knew that Steve had problems getting dates, but he didn’t know that he was equally bad at it during one. But maybe, the dames are the ones at fault. They never gave him a chance. Bucky has seen gals brushing Steve off even before he got to say ‘Hello’. Suddenly he looked up as if something had just dawned upon him. “Does that mean you have never kissed - anyone, ever?”_

_Steve’s ears turned red with embarrassment as he glared at Bucky._

_“Do you know how to?” Bucky asked again, carefully, this time, making sure there’s not even a tinge of ridicule in his voice._

_Steve lower his eyes and his shoulders slumped forward. He was quiet for awhile and then he shook his head stiffly._

_“Oh, we gotta do something to change that, pal,” Bucky replied, flicking the cigarette into a puddle of water._

_“What, you gonna start pushing dames at me now, just so I’d get a kiss? Steve looked up quickly, his eyes widen defensively. “Nuh-uh, no way. I ain’t some charity case, Buck.”_

_“No...I don’t mean that. I meant - ,” Bucky tsk-ed loudly and simply said, “Just, close ‘yer eyes, a’right.”_

_“Are you gonna punch me?” Steve eyed Bucky suspiciously._

_“No, I’m not gonna punch you,” Bucky replied incredulously, spreading his hands wide. “I’m gonna educate you. C’mon, don’t you trust me? Close ‘yer eyes.”_

_Steve narrowed his eyes for a bit before closing them in the end. He could hear Bucky's feet shuffled, and was aware that Bucky had come closer towards him when their knees bumped. He could hear Bucky’s breathing and felt the warmth radiating from his skin with the scent of him that Steve would recognise anywhere. Even with his eyes closed. It was musky with a hint of ash and bay rum aftershave mixed with rainwater._

_“Now, I want you to know that I’m doing this for ‘yer own good. A’right? For educational purposes. It don’t mean that I’m - you know, or whatever. Okay?” Bucky said._

_He was not exactly sure what Bucky was up to but he had a strange suspicion. Any other man would have gotten outraged, pushed Bucky away or even punched him in the face. But Bucky said it was for educational purposes, it was for his own good. Bucky would never do anything to hurt him. Bucky would never make him do something that he wouldn’t want to do. And Steve trusts Bucky. That’s all that matters._

_“Whatever you say, Buck,” Steve replied, his eyes still closed._

_Bucky's fingers softly brushed away Steve's damped hair from his forehead and tucked it behind his ear. Steve didn’t flinch. Bucky has done that many times before. But he could feel his own cheeks burn when Bucky rested his palm on it. Steve’s heart suddenly started racing, his palms felt sweaty. Something started to stir low in his abdomen. An anticipation. Bucky gently cupped the sides of Steve’s face. He knew that Bucky’s face was just inches away from his, he could smell the cigarettes on his breath. He swallowed thickly and tried not to show fear. But Bucky must have seen it somehow._

_“Shhh..." Bucky whispered. "Do you trust me?”_

_“Yes,” Steve replied softly, his voice cracked a little._

_Bucky chuckled softly and said, “Good lad.”_

_Steve felt a slight shiver as Bucky stroked his lower lip gently with his thumb. His hands still holding Steve’s face lightly. Steve thought his heart was going to jump out from his chest, and before he could think of anything else, he could feel Bucky's lips pressed against his._

_Bucky’s lips were soft, gentle and warm. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do next but with Bucky leading him, Steve pushed back. He parted his lips a little and their breath mingled. Bucky ran his tongue across Steve’s lower lip before deepening the kiss. Steve welcomed it and surrendered himself. He was ready for more. He wanted more._

_Almost too soon, Bucky broke their kiss by pushing Steve's face away gently. Steve felt a little disappointed and lightheaded and was afraid to open his eyes. Bucky lowered his hands onto Steve’s shoulders and gave it a light squeeze. When Steve opened his eyes, he was looking at the top of Bucky’s head. There were more distance between them as Bucky had taken a couple of steps back and was looking down at his feet. Steve wondered dejectedly if Bucky had decided that it was a bad idea. He wondered if Bucky had regretted it because Steve had actually enjoyed it. He finally understood why the gals have been so crazy about Bucky._

_Bucky let out a loud sigh before saying, “And that, my friend, is how you kiss a girl,” his voice was slightly ragged. When he looked up there was a huge grin on his face. Steve wasn’t sure what to do next. Was he suppose to give thanks? Was he suppose to compliment Bucky’s kissing skill? Before he came to a decision, Bucky had pointed out, “Look, the rain stopped.”_

_Sure enough, the gray clouds had rolled away, revealing clear blue skies._

_“C’mon, let’s go home. Better dry you off before your Ma comes home from work,” Bucky said. Steve just nodded and hopped off the crate. He was quiet for the rest of the walk home. Bucky, on the other hand, was suddenly engrossed in the topic of baseball._

 


	7. That's Enough

Steve took a step back to a look at the bigger picture of the painting that he had done. Offers had been good lately. By word of mouth alone, he had gotten 3 commissions in 2 weeks. No doubt they were just small paintings, it gave him so much joy to be able to work again. The thought of people talking about his art, it's humbling. They're nothing compared to a Picasso or Monet, but it's pleasing to the eyes and brings smiles to his customers' faces. That's enough for him. He can't wait to make his delivery once the paint dries.

The days have been good, the air not as chilly, as the heat of Summer was slowly creeping in. Warm days which clear skies are good for Steve, as long as he stays away from the docks or the factories where the smog was thickest there as well as strong stench of the river. Which meant he hasn't been down to see Bucky at work for awhile now. It's not a big deal though since he's been busy anyways. But he hasn't seen Bucky at home that much either as he had been working long hours to earn extra cash so that he could take Connie out on dates. Steve hasn't seen Bucky so taken by a girl since - he paused for a while to recall as far back as he could - since Vickie.

Vickie did quite a number on Bucky. Steve knew that she was trouble the minute he saw her. Steve was there when they first met. It was at a dance function. He was barely eighteen, Bucky just celebrated his birthday a week before. He was excited to be driving his father's car on his own, for the first time. He decided to take Steve to the dance hall. He had plans to teach Steve how to talk to girls, and maybe even get one to dance with him. As much as Steve hated it when Bucky tried to push dames to him, he indulged him, as how he always does.

The annual event brought in throngs of youths to the hall, couples and singles alike. The place was already jumping when they arrived and the band was well into their set. Steve was talking to Bucky when he realized mid-way that Bucky was no longer listening. His gaze had landed upon a redhead dancing in the middle of the dance floor, with not just one partner but three. They took turns twirling and dipping her to the music as she shimmied and swung her hips provocatively. She looked older than the three guys but they didn't seem to mind. Apparently, neither did Bucky. Bucky ran his tongue across his lower lip and bit on it a little. Steve is so familiar with that signal. He knew what was coming up and he knew it was a bad idea. Before he could say anything, Bucky was already strutting towards the dancefloor and shamelessly cut in. Steve held his breath as he waited for the inevitable. The other three guys were more than unhappy and his actions could have gotten him more than a black eye, but his boldness had gotten the attention of the redhead. Within seconds, the other three guys were pulled back by other dames who have been observing the whole thing and was just looking for the chance to get their partners back. Steve furrowed his brows as he watched Bucky swung his hips in time with hers, holding her at arm's length before reeling her into his chest effortlessly. Bucky had really stepped up his game and when he finally locked eyes with Steve, he just flashed Steve his lopsided grin and winked. Steve knew that Bucky was lost.

Weeks had passed and Bucky had talked about nothing but Vickie. He was not just infatuated, he was intoxicated by her. Steve was annoyed about it all but he didn't have the heart to say anything. Bucky was walking on Cloud Nine. Even when Bucky had missed work at Mr. Mayfield's store because he was out late with Vickie, Steve didn't mind covering for him. Bucky was as happy as a lark. Until suddenly, he wasn't.

Steve saw when Bucky crashed slowly. Steve hardly ever saw Bucky while he was seeing Vickie but on those rare occasions that he did, he noticed dark shadows under Bucky's eyes. Like he hadn't had much sleep. His shirt was usually untucked and his hair disheveled. Bucky never shared with him what was going on. Steve tried to talk to Bucky about it one day but all he got was a tongue-lashing and a smack in the face. The fact that Bucky was wasted when it happened made it difficult for Steve to hold a grudge. He just watched Bucky with sad eyes as he stumbled about in his tiny apartment, refusing yet again to go back home where he knew George Barnes's fist would be waiting to teach his son another lesson.

One day, as Steve was heading to the free art class at The Art Students League, he bumped into Mrs. Barnes. They exchanged pleasantries and it wasn't until Steve asked about Rebecca that Mrs. Barnes's face crumpled. Rebecca had fallen down the stairs and broke her arm. She's currently on bedrest. Steve was shocked that Bucky hadn't mentioned anything to him. Steve missed his class that day to visit Rebecca. She told him that Bucky has been getting into fights, not only at the bar but also at home with their father. Bucky was never home most times and when he was, he slept all day and was out all night. Rebecca caught Bucky stealing money from her dresser after she had said no when he asked for it. She tried to stop him, blocked him from going downstairs. He pushed her away and she missed a step, causing her to tumble down the stairs. This was about 3 days ago. Bucky hadn't been home since. Steve had never seen this side of Bucky before and had no idea that it was even happening.

Steve went down to the dance hall that night and was surprised not to find him there. Neither was Vickie. If it wasn't for the shouts coming from the joint across the street, Steve wouldn't have found Bucky. He was thrown out of the bar for not being able to pay for his drinks.

Steve ran over to help Bucky and with much difficulty, brought him home. There was no way he was letting Bucky's family see him like this and his mom was on the night shift so the dingy old apartment it had to be. Bucky didn't make it easy for Steve, being big as he was and also pissed drunk. Throughout the whole walk home, Bucky kept calling out for Vickie and keep talking about how she slew him. It didn't take much to figure out that Vickie had dumped him. His heart ached for Bucky. How dare that wench hurt my Bucky, he thought.

The next morning, Steve woke up with a start. Bucky was sitting at the foot of his bed, shirtless and his just his underwear on. He had the blanket draped over his shoulders to block out the morning chill. Steve asked how was he feeling. He said he felt like he was hit by a freight car and his mouth felt like he had eaten nothing but cotton balls. Steve asked what happened. Bucky was quiet for awhile and started telling him how he and Vickie were growing apart. Vickie was pulling away from him and the more he tried to please her, the more she was disgusted by him. He told him how she had called him needy, immature and a child.

By the time Bucky had finished pouring his heart out, his face was buried in Steve's thigh, with nothing more than a thin layer of blanket separating them. Steve could feel the wetness from Bucky's tears. His shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Steve stroked Bucky's hair gently, just as how Bucky used to do to him whenever he was sick and had difficulty sleeping. When Bucky's sobs finally subsided, Steve asked why Bucky didn't come to him. Bucky's reply was simple.

"I was ashamed. Much too ashamed, of you, of my family. And Rebecca. Oh God, Becca. I pushed her down the stairs. I didn't mean to."

And as soon as the tears stopped, it started again. When Bucky had finally stopped crying and had composed himself, the sun was shining brightly. The room had warmed up. They washed up and Steve took Bucky home, to face his family. It took awhile for Bucky's dad to forgive him but he was glad that it was all over. But Bucky never forgave himself for what happened to Rebecca. Even after her arm had healed and everything was back to normal, Bucky always made sure that he watched his temper with her. She was, after all, his baby sister.

\-----

Steve wrapped the canvas carefully and tied it with twine. He ran a comb through his hair and put on his jacket. It was a little warm out but it makes him feel better with a jacket around him. Feels like he's being hugged. He made his way down the street to deliver his artwork when he heard Bucky's voice calling out to him from behind.

"Where're you heading buddy?" Bucky asked when he finally caught up with Steve. He placed a cigarette in his mouth and lighted it. Steve noticed that Bucky was wearing the hat that they saw in the store earlier in the week, but mentioned nothing. As much as Steve hated to admit it, Bucky looked really good in it. Which made his charm even more dangerous.

"Making a delivery," Steve replied, lifting the wrapped canvas slightly to show Bucky. "I finally finished it."

"Wow. Oh, I didn't get to see it." Bucky replied disappointedly.

Steve reminded Bucky that he had seen it while it was in progress, to which Bucky argued that it wasn't the same. Bucky took a drag from his cigarette and turned his body sideways towards Steve. He spread his arms wide and pointed to the hat. “Well,” he exhaled the smoke after letting his insides be engulfed by nicotine, “what do you think?”

Steve stopped and looked at Bucky. He squinted his eyes and tilted his head slightly, like how he usually does when he’s studying something before drawing it.

“Looks good,” he finally admitted. “Connie seen it yet?”

“Not yet, but she’ll get her chance,” Bucky replied, gesturing to Steve with his hand to keep walking. "By the way, guess what? Roy got that promotion," Bucky answered before Steve could even started to guess, as they continued walking down the street.

"Yeah? That's good. He deserves it. He's a good guy. Congratulate him for me will 'ya?"

"Or - you can tell him 'ya self. We're all heading down to Coney Island this weekend, to celebrate. You should come with."

"Who is 'we'?" Steve asked even though he knew the answer to that question.

"Me, you, Roy, Shirley and Connie."

"So there's four of you - “ Steve replied curtly, “and then there's me,"

"C'mon, don't be like that. Roy's my friend, Shirley's my friend and you're my best friend. Why can't we hang out together?" Bucky asked, getting a little animated with his hands.

"What about Connie? She a friend too?"

Bucky took another drag from his cigarette before putting it out under his shoes. He exhaled slowly and looked at Steve sideways, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah - about that,” he finally said, slowly. “I'm beginning to think that she's a little more than just a friend."

"You think?" Steve asked, his blond eyebrows raised up high.

"I mean, it took me awhile for me to figure it out. But, yeah, I think - she's special, you know."

Steve rolled his eyes to the sky. "I've heard that before."

Bucky frowned. "C'mon Steve, when have you seen me like this with the rest of the dames, huh? I haven't been out with any other girl since I met Connie. It’s different with her.” His face softened as he continued. "When I'm with the other girls, all they wanna do is make out. I mean, I love it, God knows I love it. But it gets boring sometimes."

Steve replied sarcastically, "Oh yeah, poor you. What a torture,"

"Don't be an asshole, Rogers,” Bucky warned Steve but it ended up sounding like a whine instead. “With Connie, I feel free. I can talk about anything and I'm not afraid of her laughing at me when I say the wrong things. I can talk about science fiction and space and not have her look at me all weird."

"So she's like me,” Steve pointed out with jest, “but with breasts."

"Fine. Be like that." Bucky shoved both his hands into the pockets of his pants and started to frown.

Steve felt guilty for riling him up like that but if it means getting to see Bucky sulk, then he would do it all day. A sulking Bucky is one of Steve’s favorite things to look at because his bushy eyebrows would furrow and get closer together. His long lashes create shadows at the top of his cheeks as he cast his eyes down. His lower lip would turn dark pink as he bit on it before jutting it out slightly into a pout. Steve felt his insides getting warm as a smile tugged at the corners of his lips, but he quickly disguised it into a smirk.

"A'right, a'right, I was just messin’ with ‘ya, you big lug.” Steve nudged Bucky’s side gently with his elbow. “So, she really that great, huh?"

"She's more than great, Steve,” Bucky replied looking up at Steve slowly. “She’s - fascinating."

Steve couldn’t help it. Bucky was making it so easy. "Fascinating, eh? Wow Barnes, such a big word. You sure you know what that means?"

"You know, I just realized that you really are an asshole." Bucky frowned. Steve just lifted his eyebrows and smiled innocently, trying to contain a laugh.

"But seriously, though," Bucky continued. "She's smart and funny, and her laugh is so adorable and she's pretty. Real pretty. And when I'm with her, I feel like - me. Myself. And when I'm not with her,” Bucky paused, as if trying to find the right words to say. “I can't stop thinking about her."

"Awww - you're breakin' my heart here, Barnes. I thought I was your one and only?” Bucky just shook his head in annoyance. He has had about enough of Steve’s teasing. “So you love her then?" Steve held his breath, suddenly unsure if he even wanted to know what Bucky’s answer was.

"I - I think - I think I do, Steve. I really think I do."

"Does she know that?" Steve asked, his voice suddenly soft. It was like a punch to his stomach.

"No, but I'm gonna tell her." Bucky's voice raised an octave from excitement. "Tomorrow. During the fireworks."

"To - tomorrow?" Steve almost choked on his words. His chest slowly tightening. He frowned but tried to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, I promised her I'd take her to see the fireworks. She's never seen them before. They've never had it back home. You don’t mind, right pal?”

"Oh." Steve wasn’t sure what else to say. All signs of sass knocked right out of him.

"I know - it's your birthday. I promise I make it up to you - "

Steve quickly recovered before Bucky noticed anything. "No, no, it's fine. I mean, you go ahead.”

"I'll make you a birthday breakfast. Pancakes, stacked up as high as the skyscrapers of Manhattan."

"You can't cook, you dimwit!" Steve laughed, suppressing any feeling of heartache.

"Then, I'll buy you - new paints! And brushes!" Bucky laughed along.

"Go enjoy 4th of July with her, you jerk. Show her how we do it here in Brooklyn."

"Sure, you'd be okay?"

"Don't worry about me. I've watched the fireworks with you every year since I was nine. I think that's more than enough to last me a lifetime. It's a relief not have to see your sappy face for once."

"You know what, Rogers. I'm beginning to wonder why I put up with you all these years."

"That's because you love me."

Bucky threw an arm around Steve like he has done a thousand times before since they were kids and replied, "Damn right, I do.”

 _And that’s enough_ , Steve said to his heart, and just like that, his insides felt warm again.

 

 

 


	8. 4th of July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's Confession

True to his word, Bucky went home with 3 new paintbrushes of different sizes. He wanted to get paints as well, but the brushes cost more than he had expected. The shopkeeper mentioned that they were the newest kind, that those French artists used. Bucky didn’t hesitate. Nothing but the best for Steve. He presented them to Steve in the morning during a breakfast of plain oatmeal. Steve scolded him for splurging. He would have been equally grateful for the regular cheap ones. Bucky just waved it off saying that it didn’t matter because the money had already been spent anyways.

Bucky had decided to meet Connie after lunch so Steve heated up some leftover meatloaf and boiled some potatoes. It was only enough for one person, but they shared the serving anyway. After lunch, they sat on the stairs outside their apartment to enjoy the patriotic atmosphere. Kids ran along waving tiny little flags. The streets were decorated with red, white and blue ribbon buntings that hung from the street lamp to street lamp. Homemade banners were displayed proudly out the windows with words like ‘Let Freedom Ring’ and ‘Land of the Free’. Some even went as far as to hang wreaths on the doors in the colors of the flag. Steve and Bucky reminisced about the times when they were that young and what they did to celebrate the 4th of July. Things had changed over the years, but some still stayed the same. As they were talking, they saw a little boy about 8 years old, in a cap that was too big for him crossing the street towards them. He was holding a little plate that was covered with a piece of cloth. It was a scene that they have seen before, a regularity for the past 2 years.

“Hey Frankie, what’chu got there?” Bucky asked even though he knew what it was. Little Frankie crinkled his nose and rolled his eyes.

“Sissy made this. Said to give it to ‘ya.” Frankie shoved the plate into Steve’s hand. “And happy birthday.”

Steve took the plate and looked up at the third-floor apartment at the building across from them. There she was seated by the window, just as she had done before. Jessica looked at Steve with her brown eyes. Her dark brown hair was pinned up neatly and had a small ribbon of red-white-and-blue. Steve just nodded his thanks to her and smiled. Jessica smiled shyly at him and went back inside, disappearing from view.

“Hey,” Frankie snapped. “You should be thankin’ me. Every year I bring you this stinkin’ piece of cake and I don’t even get to taste it.”

“That’s because you’re diabetic,” Steve pointed out. Bucky nodded in agreement as he took a drag from his cigarette.

“Like it's my fault,” Frankie replied outrageously. “I didn’t ask for it!”

“Neither did your Ma and Pa, so quit being such a little shit. Now, go on home and tell your sister that Steve gave his best,” Bucky scolded, smacking the side of his head lightly. Steve could have sworn that Frankie’s face fell right down to the ground. Frankie shoved his chubby little hands into his pockets and turned around to leave when Bucky reached out and grabbed him suddenly. Bucky went straight for Frankie’s shirt pocket and pulled out a cigarette. “And I’m takin’ this,” Bucky continued much to boy’s dismay.

“Aw c’mon Bucky! I’ve been saving that for two days!” Frankie cried. “It won’t be until next week ‘til I get to work the headlines. I’m not gonna get any smokes ‘til then.”

“Then you wait ‘til next week,” Bucky retorted. “Now go, get outta’ here.”

Frankie sulked and kicked the dirt in rebuttal, accidentally kicking some onto Bucky’s pants. He looked up with frightened eyes and made a dash across the street before Bucky could grab him again. It wasn't until he was safely on the other side that he yelled an apology to Bucky.

“That little shit,” Bucky grumbled as he dusted his pants, getting rid of most of the dirt.

“You really shouldn’t bully him like that,” Steve frowned. Steve hates bullies, even if they take the form of his best friend. “He’s not that much younger than you when you started with the smokes. He looks up to you.”

“Yeah? And you really should ask his sister out,” Bucky pointed out, trying to change the subject. Standing tall in front of Steve, he placed the cigarette that he took from Frankie at the back of his ear, like Steve sometimes does with his pencil in between sketching.

“We’ve talked about this before, Buck. Sissy is a sweet girl, but she’s too young,” Steve replied.

“She’s sixteen!”

“Yeah and we pretty much saw her grew up! She’s like Becca to me. Would you want me to go out with Becca? Do to her all the things you do to those dames?”

Bucky just glared at Steve and shook his head. “You’re ridiculous,” he finally said. "And Becca is older than that."

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well, could you at least tell her to stop sending you those cakes, though. It’s not like you could eat them either. Remember what happened the last time you tried? If Frankie can’t have ‘em, then you can’t have ‘em.”

“I know that Buck, but that’s why I have you. You love cakes don’t you?” Steve grinned, lifting the cake up to Bucky. “You could share it with Connie. It’ll be real sweet of you to do that.”

Bucky stubbed out his cigarette and glanced up at the empty window to make sure that neither Jessica nor Frankie was watching them before taking the cake from Steve’s hands, disgruntled. They said their farewells, Bucky wished Steve the second time and went on his way to meet Connie. Steve went back inside after Bucky had disappeared from view.

\-----

It was her first time celebrating the 4th of July in the city. When Connie stepped out of the boarding house, it seemed like the confetti bomb had exploded onto the streets. Streamers and buntings were hanging on the streetlights in patriotic colors. The American Flags were hung at almost every street corner. She had never seen it like this before. Back home, they just enjoyed a meal together among families and friends.

The park was already crowded when Connie arrived. Bucky had said to meet at the entrance so Connie resisted the urge to walk around. But she could hear music so she knew there was a band somewhere inside. Maybe this time, they would finally get to dance. Even if it’s just as friends. The weather has gotten warmer these days so Connie was glad to have her hat on to shade her eyes. She recalled back to the time when Shirley asked her about her feelings for Bucky. Shirley did warn her that if Bucky showed no sign of him feeling the same, then she should stop seeing him. Before her feelings for him gets any stronger. She hated the idea of having to walk away. She would definitely lose a good friend.

She pushed the depressing thoughts out of her head. Bucky was nice enough to offer to show her how 4th of July was celebrated in the big city. She’s not going to let her thoughts ruin the day. Having gotten tired of standing at one spot, she started walking up and down the entrance, careful not to get into people’s way. She waited for a few more minutes before she noticed a familiar swagger coming towards her. After having been out with Bucky several times over the past month or so, she could recognize it easily. Only different this time was that he was wearing a hat. Judging by the grin on his face, she guessed it was new. He was also holding something in his hand.

“Am I late?” he asked as a greeting when he finally came up to her.

“No, I'm early,” Connie shrugged lightly. “What's that?"

"Cake, for later. Shall we?” Bucky replied, offering out his arm. Connie rested her hand on the inside of his elbow and nodded excitedly.

“Nice hat, by the way. Very Cary Grant,” Connie remarked and she swore that the compliment had made Bucky puffed his chest out a little and squared his shoulders.

Connie was enjoying the day with Bucky at the park. The festivities had taken place at the heart of the park, a tent was set up where the band was playing. There wasn’t any dance floor but that didn’t stop the crowd from dancing - along the walk path and even barefooted on the grass. And of course, Bucky had to grab the chance to finally make up to Connie for ruining their chance to dance together that first night they met.

Bucky was a wonderful dance partner and despite Connie saying repeatedly that she was an amateur, she had no trouble keeping up with him. She was spun and twirled until she got light-headed. But she didn’t want to stop, she was having too much fun. Her heart was pumping hard against her chest and even when her hair had come undone, she didn’t care. She laughed when she missed a step and almost fell over, and laughed even harder when Bucky caught her just in time. When the music slowed down and the band started playing a different tune, she thought it was a good time to take a break. But Bucky just tightened his grip around her waist and pulled her closer, and whispered into her ear, “One more dance?”

The tiny hairs on her neck prickled when she felt his hot breath on her skin. It left her breathless and all she could do was nodded. As the band played on, Bucky started to sing along, softly.

_Heaven...I'm in heaven_   
_And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak_   
_And I seem to find the happiness I seek_   
_When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek..._

If Bucky hadn’t been holding on to her, she would have melted to the ground.

As the day went on, they enjoyed other activities in the park like a kids parade where the kids dressed up as their favorite president, an eating contest, and a fashion show. Before long, the day had passed and the sun was about to set. Bucky had suggested that they walk over to the riverside, close to the bridge as it was the best place to watch the fireworks.

It seemed like everyone else had the same idea. As they got closer to the river, Connie could see throngs of people had gathered. The sun had set when they joined the crowd, which was buzzing with excitement. There was very little space all around so everyone ended up pretty close to each other. Bucky was standing behind her instead of on her side when the crowd suddenly shifted and caused Connie to lose her balance. Bucky caught her by the side of her arms just in time. Connie turned to thank him when there was a high-pitched whizz and the first fiery bloom burst through the dark sky, followed by another. Everyone cheered and clapped. It was slow at first then they started to burn with impatience, everything at the speed of a camera flash. They send hot sparks into the cool evening air. Connie watched, wide-eyed, as the vivacious colors ignited with the smell of gunpowder. She laughed as they boomed unexpectedly, one after another.

Bucky was less interested in the display than in watching Connie's reactions. Even though he was standing behind her, he could see the thrill in her eyes each time she laughed and turned to look at him. She looked like a perfect real life photograph. He knew that whatever it was that he had to do, he had to do it soon before the moment passed. He cursed himself for not doing it sooner. Like when they were slow dancing in the park, that was the perfect time to do it. He was acting so calm and collected when actually his heart was pounding.

“Connie?” he said in a loud whisper, close to her ear. Even after a day of dancing and enjoying the sun, she still smelt so good.

“Yeah?” She replied, her face tilted towards him but her eyes were still looking at the sky.

“Erm...I…” Bucky couldn’t seem to find the words. “I -”

“What is it?” Connie finally turned to face him. When she saw his face, she got concerned. “Is something wrong? Do you want to leave?”

“No!” Bucky replied quickly. “It’s - I - “ He looked at Connie’s face. The excitement was gone and was quickly replaced by an anxious frown. Bucky hated that he was the cause of that frown. Bucky wanted to make that look go away. He wanted to see her smile again. He wanted to hear her laugh again.

“Aw’ damn it to hell,” he finally muttered and took her face with both hands and kissed her. He could tell that Connie had stiffened with shock but within seconds she relaxed and returned his kiss. She caressed the side of his arms and up to softly stroke the hair on his nape. Feeling braver now that she had returned his affections, he placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer.

\-----

Steve made himself a cup of tea and pulled up a chair next to the window. The day had been slow but productive. He was able to clean the apartment a little, read a book and also did several sketches. He placed his tea on the window sill carefully and waited for the fireworks to start. He knew that the view was just fine from this particular window because this was where he and Bucky used to watch the fireworks from as kids when he was too weak to walk. Imagine being sick on your birthday. It was not a particularly good feeling, but Bucky had always managed to cheer him up. Even before the fireworks had started.

It didn’t take long before the first bloom burst against the night sky. Then another and another. His mind suddenly drifted to what Bucky and Connie were doing at the same moment. He mentioned that he was going to confess his feelings for her. He must have done it by now. She must have swooned at his confession and melted in his arms, just like the other dames. He must be kissing her now. Steve thought of Bucky’s lips upon hers and felt the bitter pang of jealousy.

He took a sip of his tea and whispered to himself, “Happy Birthday to me.”

Instantaneously, nostalgia washed over him and his memory brought him back to a time long ago, when he was a young child. Before he had met Bucky. Back to a time when it was just him and his ma. She could never afford to buy him any presents or anything special. So every year, while the fireworks are bursting in the sky, she would light a candle for him and told him to make a wish. He would clasp his hand and shut his eyes tightly while wishing that his ma wouldn’t have to work so hard. He wished that he wouldn’t have gotten so sick so often. He wished that he could be a healthy little boy just for his ma.

And each year, when he blew out the candle, his ma would smile as if she knew what he was wishing for and say to him, “ _You are a blessing to me and you bring me so much joy. Happy birthday, Steven. I love you_.”

Another burst in the sky brought him back to the present. His eyes stung as the tears started welling up. He missed his ma. He misses her every day since she passed. It’s not so bad ever since Bucky had moved in but on his birthday, he missed her, so much that he could hardly breathe. He could feel his chest tightening. He tried to take a deep breath but ending up coughing instead. His breathing got worse, he started wheezing and the coughing didn’t stop.

He tried not to panic because he knew it would just make things worse. But the human consciousness is a funny thing, the moment you tell yourself not to panic, that’s when you usually would. The next thing he knew, he was clutching his chest. His medicine was in his room. He had to try to make his way there. His legs trembled as he stood up and when he tried to take a step, it was as if his legs were kicked from under him. He collapsed onto the hard wooden floor. His head hurt from where it had hit the floor. His ma’s voice kept playing over and over in his head.

“ _Happy birthday, Steven. I love you….Happy birthday, Steven. I love you…_ ”

“Ma…” he gasped and then everything went dark.

 

 


	9. A Winter's Tale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait. Hope you enjoy this one!

**Winter, 1931**

_"I have to get to work now, James," Sarah Rogers stuck her head through the partly opened door and said softly to Bucky. A thin blanket was wrapped around his shoulders. He was seated on the floor next to her bed which she had given up to her ailing son._

_Bucky, who had been reading to Steve in the dim-lit room, looked up at Sarah and turned to look at Steve, only to realize that he had fallen asleep. He put the book down and stood up. His clothes rustled softly as he shuffled towards the door. Even under the bad lighting, Bucky could see the worried lines on Sarah's face. The dark shadows under her eyes made her look older than she really was._

_"Please make sure that Steven eats something when he wakes up, and takes his medicine," Sarah instructed. Bucky just nodded. "If he gets too cold, there's an extra blanket in the cupboard. His socks are in the drawers."_

_Her eyes shifted to the frail figure in her bed who was wheezing lightly despite being engulfed by the blankets and sheets. Her heart ached and she would love to stay home and watch over him herself, but she had to make her way to work in order to pay for Steve's numerous medications. She started wringing and rubbing her fingers before continuing, "If his joints start aching - "_

_"Rub some of the medicated oil on it. It's on your dresser," Bucky interrupted. "I know, Mrs. Rogers."_

_Sarah smiled gently and placed a hand on Bucky's face lightly. She thought of how the other boys his age had enjoyed puberty and the growth that came with it. But her Steven was still small with bony shoulders and it didn’t matter how big his heart was. His body was failing him. Bucky was one of those fortunate boys who was enjoying adolescence. He had always been taller than Steve but now he towered over him and his chubby mischievous face was slowly showing signs of a handsome heartbreaker. "Thank you, James. Steven always likes it when you're around. We're very lucky to have you."_

_"I'm glad I can be here, Mrs. Rogers," Bucky replied proudly, putting his hand over hers and kissing her palm as he would with his own mother._

_\-----_

_Steve felt drowsy from the medication. He had no idea how long he had slept. His eyes took some time to adjust to the dimness of the room. His breathing was better and despite the aches in his joints, he felt warm. He tried to sit up but there was something pinning him down. It took him a while to realize that it was Bucky's arm. He turned to see Bucky squeezed next to him, fast asleep on top of the layers of blankets._

_"Buck," Steve whispered, giving him a little nudge. "Hey, Bucky."_

_"Hrrm..." Bucky groaned in response before opening his eyes. "Steve," He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “You're awake.”_

_"Yeah, what time is it? Where's Ma?"_

_"It was around 10 o'clock when I climbed into bed. Your Ma's gone to work. Won't be back 'til morning, she said." Bucky propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Steve. "How 'ya feelin' buddy?"_

_"Better, I think. A little achy, a little hungry," Steve's stomach rumbled loudly to support the statement._

_Bucky dutifully got out of bed and heated up the stew that Steve's Ma had prepared earlier. A few minutes later, he returned to Steve's bedside with a bowl of it and a piece of bread. He handed Steve the bowl while he tore the bread into small pieces and stirred it into the stew while blowing on it gently. Steve smiled as he watched Bucky when through the whole routine. It pulled on his heart strings a little knowing that Bucky remembered how he liked his bread and stew. And he did it perfectly, just as how Ma does it._

_Steve tried to feed himself when the stew had already cool, but he was still rather weak. Bucky took the spoon and bowl from his shaking hands and took over. Bucky was patient and made sure that Steve had swallowed properly before offering him another spoonful. Their conversation was minimal and Steve tried his best not to dribble but failed a few times._

_"You eat worse than Becca," Bucky teased, comparing Steve to his baby sister._

_"But I'm cuter, though," Steve bantered._

_"That you are, my friend," Bucky replied with a wink and a smile._

_Steve laid back contentedly with his full tummy as a new wave of drowsiness from his medication washed over him. He turned to lay on his side and through the opened door, he could see Bucky washing the dirty bowl in the kitchen sink. There was something domestic about it that made Steve’s tummy fluttered a little. He thought it was just the stew settling in but still his mind brought him to a conversation that he had once overheard among the older girls in school. They were talking about how nice it would be to play ‘house’ with the boy of their dreams. They had described their 'dream boy' to be handsome and chivalrous, with a charming smile. Good in sports, strong and brave._

_Steve thought of all those times that Bucky had saved him from the bullies in school. All those times when Bucky had taken a punch for him. He thought of the numerous times that Bucky had piggybacked him home when his breathing was bad or when he was just too tired. Bucky had always been there for him, to pick him up, to make him laugh, to stand up for him and to even hold his hand when he was sick and scared. Steve had drawn Bucky countless of times, he could do it based on memory alone. The way the front of his hair would flop over his eyes when he grins lopsidedly. The way he smiles cheekily whenever he had plans that would get them into trouble. His warm and hearty laugh which Steve thought must be one of the best sounds in the world._

_Steve let out an involuntary sigh just as Bucky walked into the room. Bucky thought nothing of it and just smiled at his best friend as he pulled down his suspenders and untucked his shirt. He let out a loud yawn and stretched his arms up above his head. Without the suspenders holding his pants up, it hung precariously upon his skinny hips. Steve blushed a little as his eyes took in Bucky's exposed belly. He had seen Bucky shirtless and close to naked many times before, but only now was he fully aware the provocativeness of those pubescent dark curls that trailed down from Bucky's bellybutton to his most intimate place. Steve couldn't deny the jealousy that started to brew when he thought of the number of girls that Bucky dated and if they had ever explored that part of him. He wondered possessively if any of those older girls had Bucky in mind when they were describing their ‘dream boy’. He frowned to himself when he heard Bucky's voice in the darkness._

_"Scoot over will 'ya."_

_"Why?" Steve asked, suddenly panic-stricken._

_"I'm bunking wit' 'ya. It's too cold to be sleeping alone and 'ya got all the blankets."_

_Bucky sounded annoyed as he replied matter-of-factly. "Oh," Steve replied stupidly but shifted just the same to make space for Bucky._

_Bucky snuggled comfortably next to him and let out a satisfying groan which sent a slight shiver through Steve’s feeble body._

_"What's the matter? 'Ya cold?" Bucky asked. Steve didn't get a chance to answer when Bucky suddenly hugged Steve from behind and easily pulled him close against his chest. A slight whimper escaped from Steve's mouth and Bucky mistook it as Steve feeling better, when in fact, Steve was just glad that he was facing away from Bucky. At least he wouldn't have to worry about Bucky noticing the increasing weight between his legs. He felt warm all over but it wasn’t because of Bucky._

\-----

Steve stirred and groan when he felt the ache on the back of his head. His memory was fuzzy and it hurt to recall what had happened. He tried to open his eyes and was greeted by a silhouette that he had seen many times before. One that he would recognize anywhere.

“Hey,” Bucky’s voice was soft and gentle as a snowfall. “You gave me quite a scare there. How ‘ya feeling’?”

Steve had lost count the number of times Bucky had asked him that question. “What happened?” Steve asked. Bucky must have carried him onto the bed. Again. “Why do I feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train?”

“I should be asking you that, pal.” Steve looked at Bucky curiously. Bucky stood over him with his hands on his hips. He was clearly annoyed but his voice was still gentle. “I came home and found you on the floor.”

Steve tried to get up but his head felt heavy. Bucky lifted him up easily and propped the pillow behind him. He sat next to Steve and eyed him questioningly, still waiting for an explanation.

His memories started to trickle back and he suddenly felt foolish. “I was -” Steve started, not sure if he should say it. “I was missing Ma. I guess, my heart couldn’t take it.”

“You must have passed out and hit your head on the floor,” Bucky concluded. “Did you have difficulty breathing?”

Steve nodded, remembering the tightness in his chest. Bucky sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked down onto his lap and was very quiet until Steve said his name. When he looked up, his face was crumpled and his eyes were red. Angry tears that were threatening to fall ran down his cheeks as he spoke.

“I thought you were dead, Steve. I thought you were dead,” Bucky spat fiercely, but his voice was still quiet.

“No -” Steve quickly replied putting a hand on Bucky’s knee. “Hey, no - I’m still here. I’m sorry.”

Bucky wiped the tears away hastily and sniffed. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“Hey no, don’t say that. I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m always holding you back.”

He stared at Steve’s apologetic face and all anxiety washed away. He brushed Steve’s fringe away from his eyes and tucked it behind his ears, careful to avoid the bump on the back of Steve’s head. His hand lingered behind Steve’s ear before it made it’s way down to the back of Steve’s neck. He leaned in close until their foreheads touched. They have shared this kind of intimacy a couple of times before but Steve noticed that Bucky would usually do this when he’s really scared.

“I’m still here, buddy,” Steve replied softly, reassuringly. He returned Bucky’s gesture and put his hand on Bucky’s nape. Bucky said nothing but just brushed his lips onto Steve’s forehead. Something that he had never done before. Steve wondered for a moment as to what it meant but decided to deal with the issue on hand first. “I felt lonely and I started thinking about her. I just miss her so damn much.”

Steve couldn’t help it when his voice cracked a little as he addressed his Ma once again.

Bucky broke away from Steve and gave his shoulder an understanding squeeze. "I know, Stevie. She was a Ma to me too."

It was obvious that Sarah had treated Bucky like her own son, a brother for her only child. But in Steve's head, he had pictured Bucky as a different kind of son to his Ma.

\-----

Bucky walked Connie right up to the door before kissing her goodnight. His lips were sweet with the remnants of the cotton candy that they had shared earlier. When Connie moved to Brooklyn, dating was the last thing on her mind. Never did she expect herself to fall in love with a Brooklyn boy, and a handsome one at that.

Connie watched and waved from behind the window by the door as Bucky walked away down the sidewalk. She lingered a little longer until he turned the corner and was out of sight. She hummed to herself as she made her way up the stairs. Her bare feet savored the release from being in heels the whole day. Bucky’s voice kept playing in her head, singing to her over and over. She was so lost in her thoughts that she did not notice the redhead coming down the stairs from the upper floor, watching her as she floated by.

"Well, well, someone had a fun time," Vickie commented with a smirk. She had one arm around her slender waist while the other was propped up, with a cigarette dangling between her fingers. Mrs. Hobbs had been firm about smoking indoors, but Vickie was obviously not one who followed the rules. She took a drag from the cigarette and exhaled slowly, with a defiant look on her face.

"Yes I did," Connie replied, reminding herself to be polite. "I hope you enjoyed your 4th of July as well."

"Never cared much for fireworks," Vickie waved her hand dismissively. The smoke from the cigarette created little swirls around her fingers before they fade away.

Connie waited to see if Vickie was going to say anything else. When she didn't, Connie took it as a sign to say goodnight. She would rather avoid making the pleasantries into a full-fledged conversation anyway. She was about to walk down the hallway to her room when Vickie decided to say something which Connie knew was going to happen sooner or later. She much preferred it to be later, though. After that little encounter in the foyer with Bucky, Connie had figured that there was deep history between the two of them. She had dismissed the explanation that Bucky had offered and hadn't asked him about it since then. Now she wonders if maybe she had dismissed it too soon.

"It's not gonna last, you know."

Connie just gave her a blank look even though she knew what Vickie was referring to.

Vickie let out an exaggerated sigh and rolled her eyes. "This thing that he has for you. It's not gonna last. I know your cousin warned you about him, I think it'll do well for you to listen to her. " Vickie started condescendingly. "But in case you'd rather hear from someone who really knows him, here's me telling you the same thing."

"And I suppose you know him well?" Connie said flatly.

Vickie closed her eyes and gave Connie a coquettish look. "Intimately," she said before giving a nonchalant shrug. "You're just the flavor of the month, sugar. It's best that you know about it from the start."

"Oh, I know. I wasn't looking for anything serious either," Connie lifted her chin up a little higher to make her lie a little more believable.

"Really?" Vickie raised an eyebrow, the corners of her mouth curl intriguingly. Connie nodded stiffly, not trusting herself to say anything more. Vickie took another drag before walking towards her and letting out a puff of smoke from the side of her mouth. "Well, that's good then, isn't it? Works out for the both of you then. Especially since it's all just a show to him."

"What is?" Connie couldn't hide the surprise in her voice.

Clearly having hit the spot, Vickie ran on with the new ammunition she got.

"He goes around town," Vickie continued, circling Connie, "showing off the dames that he's dating, sleeping with half the city, never settling down. Never satisfied. Why do you think that is, huh?" Vickie stopped right in front of Connie. She kept her eyes on Connie and studied her face as she brought up Bucky's dating habits. It's no big secret, Connie knew of Bucky's promiscuity.

Vickie took Connie's silence as a sign of defeat. She couldn't help but add fuel to the little flame that she had caused. "Its because it’s all a lie," Vickie faked whispered to Connie. "A sham, a cover-up."

"A cover-up?" Connie echoed with a frown.

"To show that he just like any other hot-blooded male out there, chasing skirts all over town. But underneath..." she didn't finish the sentence, instead, she just gave the international sign of 'who knows' and let the words hang.

"Underneath - what?" Connie asked, panic slowly creeping into her voice. Suddenly her head was spinning.

"We all know how close he is with that Rogers fella," Vickie continued. Connie just stared at her, wide-eyed. "Oh don't let it bother you, darling, " Vickie waved dismissively. Flecks of ash trickled from her cigarette down to the carpet. "Like you said, you're just looking for fun. And Bucky is a whole lotta fun." Vickie's eyes widen before continuing. "He'll treat you so good, you wouldn't even know."

Connie smiled weakly, unsure of what to say or what Vickie was saying. Was Vickie insinuating something? Was Bucky pretending to be someone he's not?

"But, why aren't you looking for something serious anyways?" Vickie asked accusingly. "Don't you wanna marry?" The sudden probe of personal questions interrupted Connie's thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, I won't be in Brooklyn for long. I was offered a job in manhattan." Connie replied distracted, and immediately regretted what she had let slipped out of her mouth. Vickie was the last person she would want to arm with such information. Especially considering the current situation.

"Well, how about that." Vickie's eyes actually twinkled as she smiled at Connie. "Well good for you then, putting your career before love."

Connie didn't know if she really meant it or was she just being sarcastic. Either way, she just muttered thanks and excused herself. She was so deep in her thoughts that she didn't notice the victorious smirk on Vickie's face as she finished up her cigarette and made her way down the stairs.

 

 


	10. Coney Island

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this chapter. I researched on how amusement parks were like back then and the games that were available. As I was writing this, the Coney Island scene from the movie Brooklyn kept playing in my head over and over again.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Connie spent the whole night thinking about what Vickie had said. Shirley had asked why she seemed so distracted at breakfast. She just brushed the question aside, saying that she was tired. She wanted to ask Shirley about it but wasn't sure if she should. What if it's true and Shirley doesn't know about it? Then she would have shared a secret that was not hers to share.

She was also kicking herself for telling Vickie about Manhattan. When they called her, she was thrilled. It was the reason why she came to New York in the first place. When Bucky had confessed his feelings to her, she knew she had to talk to Bucky about it eventually. But the thought of Vickie getting to him first made her fingers cold.

"Hey," Bucky nudged her by the shoulder, as they stepped out of Roy's car, forcing her back to where they were. "You a'right? You seem distracted."

Connie looked around and reminded herself that she was there to celebrate. To have fun, maybe even get a tan. So, everything else would have to wait. "No, I'm fine," she smiled. Bucky returned her smile with one of his lopsided grin before turning to Steve.

"You're riding the Cyclone today, pal."

Steve shook his head and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. "No way," he called out. He didn't want to seem like a coward in front of everyone but he really didn't feel like going on that ride. The bump on his head may have subsided but he was still having pangs of headaches.

Roy and Shirley were a little up ahead, leading the way to the beach. "C'mon Steve, we'll all ride it with you," Roy chimed in without turning back, but Shirley did. She smiled and nodded encouragingly to Steve. Steve lowered his head as a slight blush was starting. Not wanting to be rude, he looked at her through his thick lashes and gave her a grateful smile.

They had left early hoping to beat the crowd, but it seemed like everyone else had the same idea. The place was already filled with weekenders, some still in the spirit of 4th of July. It's a good thing that Roy was able to drive everyone there. Otherwise, they would have to cramp into the train just like everybody else.

They headed straight for the beach and scouted around for awhile before finding a spot big enough for the five of them. Shirley had tipped Connie about wearing her swimming costume under her dress so that she didn't have to hide behind a towel to change. Roy fussed with one of the big umbrellas to get the right angle for Shirley as she started laying down the towels. She handed one to Steve who did the same and put down the pack that he had insisted on carrying. It looked heavy but he refused to let Bucky carry it.

Once Shirley was satisfied with where everything was, she stripped down to her own swimming costume. Connie took a deep breath and did the same. Their suits matched; same design but different color. Shirley's was in black with white trim and Connie's was white with black trim. Each of their suits complimented their hair color respectively, at least that was what the shopgirl had said when they bought it together a few days ago. Shirley wanted to get a 2-piece initially but Connie was dead-set against it.

Connie turned when she heard Bucky laughing behind her. This was the first time he was seeing the most of her so for a moment, she thought he was laughing at her. But he was actually laughing at something that Steve had said. Bucky had already taken off his pants and unbuttoned his shirt. His shirt tails flapped behind him like a cape before he took the whole thing off and threw it on the ground. She couldn't help but noticed that Steve picked it up almost immediately and folded it nicely before placing it on their pack next to his feet. Bucky rolled his eyes before pulling his undershirt over his head and tossing it to Steve.

Connie's breath hitched a little and she found it hard to look away from Bucky's bared body. His hands rested on his hips where the band of his swim shorts clung. His biceps flexed slightly. His chest was toned and the muscles on his abs tensed and relaxed as he continued his conversation with Steve. Connie tried her best to lower her gaze, but all it did was brought her attention to his lower body, his firm thighs, and the little dark curls the ran down his legs.

"Liking what you see?" Shirley teased into her ear. Connie didn't notice her coming up from behind. She looked away immediately. She could feel her ears and face turning red, ashamed having caught staring so openly. Shirley just laughed at her cousin and threw an arm over her shoulder. She placed her other hand on her hip and did a little pose before calling out to Bucky and Steve.

"Whaddya think?" she asked, referring to their matching suits.

Steve looked at them squinting, trying to hide from the sun, before giving them a thumbs up. Bucky took a little longer to react. Connie could feel his eyes on her, studying her from her sandy feet, up her bare legs, to her protective hands over her flat soft belly and her chest. By the time he had reached her face, she was so self-conscious, she couldn't even look him in the eye.

But 'nice' was all he said.

"C'mon, are we getting wet or what?" Roy called out, finally settled with the right angle for the umbrella. Shirley giggled and threw her sunglasses down before running towards the water with Roy. He managed to angle it in a way so that everyone would be in the shade when seated. It seemed like the first one to enjoy it was Steve. He was the only one who was still dressed, sans shoes and socks. The hem of his pants rolled up a little, exposing a pale scrawny ankle. He sat down on the towel that he had laid out earlier and immediately dived into his sketch book. He didn't even react when Bucky ruffled his hair as he walked passed, towards her.

Connie felt her mouth went dry as Bucky came closer to her. He licked his lower lips and bit on it a little before giving her a smile that could melt steel.

Tucking a loose tendril behind her ear, he asked, "You ready?"

It took awhile before Connie could find her voice back. "You - you go on ahead first. I'll be right there."

"Okay, but get some Ambre from Steve before you get out there. You're already turning red," Bucky commented, brushing her cheek lightly with the back of his hand. His touch made her cheeks even redder but Bucky didn't seem to notice as he made a dash towards the water. Little did he know that the redness was her blushing rather than being under the sun. Regardless, she decided to better be safe than sorry.

Steve must have heard Bucky because he was already extending the Ambre Solaire towards her with his left hand, without even looking up from his sketchbook. His right was busy running curves and lines across the page. She said her thank you and took it, applying over her arms and a little on her face. She's no stranger to sunburnt. She used to spend her summers by the creek back home. Constantly going in and out of the water.

"You're not going in?" She asked Steve as she returned the product to him.

"Nah, me and the sun, we don't exactly go well together." He shoved the bottle back into the pack and added, "Irish."

As if it was explanatory enough, Connie just nodded. She smiled and waved a little before joining the others.

\-----

They frolicked in the water until their fingers started to prune. They took turns accompanying Steve, not that he needed it. Each time someone got out of the water, he was either still sketching, taking a nap or was engrossed in a book. He was nice enough to engage with whoever it was that was with him. He even drew a quick sketch of Shirley as she posed for him like one of those pin-up betties. But he always ended up shooing them back into the waters, insisting that he was doing fine by himself and that they shouldn't miss out on the fun on his account. Only with Bucky did he not turn down the company.

Connie wasn't sure if Steve wanted her company, but Bucky insisted, saying that it would be a good time for them to get to know each other.

Steve looked up from his sketchbook as Connie wrapped a towel around her waist. "What are you drawing?" She asked casually.

Steve held up the sketchbook and showed her the page that he was drawing on. Random doodles scattered around it - a beach ball, a crumpled candy wrapper, a bird pecking on a sandwich and a few others.

"Very nice," Connie commented honestly.

Steve just smiled and shrugged. "Just doing some practice sketches."

"Do you have any of your real works in there?" Connie nudged at the book with her chin as she asks. Steve nodded and flipped the book a couple of pages back and offered it to Connie. He's used to people wanting to see his works. He used to be shy about it but ever since he started doing commission work, he has developed a slightly thicker skin. Offering his drawings without being asked slowly becoming a habit to him.

Connie looked through the pages, being extra careful with the ones that Steve had used charcoal on. Whatever comments she had she kept to herself but Steve can see how her eyes lit up and some of his works, sometimes doing double-takes, flipping the page back and forth.

She ended her browsing at where Steve was doodle-sketching but didn't return the book back to him. "These are really good work. There's - quite a lot of Bucky in here."

"Yeah, Bucky has been my faithful model ever since we were kids. And being cooped up most of my life doesn't really give me much choice."

Connie giggled a little at that even though Steve said it with a straight face. "Bucky mentioned that you've been getting quite a lot of requests for portraitures."

Steve gave a half-shrug. "Yeah, if only I could accept them all," he replied quietly.

"It's your fingers, isn't it?" Connie continued, her voice was sympathetic.

"Among other things," Steve huffed. He has had so many ailments for so long, he's gotten used to the teasing and snide remarks. Although Connie's concern was sincere, Steve couldn't help but be a little defensive about it.

Connie just smiled and reached out towards Steve. For a moment, Steve thought she was going to pat his knee or offer some kind of comforting gesture that people usually do when they discovered his long list of ailments. But instead, her fingers lingered above the assortment of pencils that Steve had laid out next to him for when he was drawing.

He watched warily as she shifted her eyes back at him and asked, "May I?"

He realized that she had flipped the book to a blank page. Steve don't usually let others defiled his sketch book but there were only a few pages left and he's been wanting to start on a new one book. It's just one page. He decided that it didn't matter, so he just nodded to Connie.

He couldn't help but to observe her as she picked up her pencil of choice, the way she held it, how her hand started drawing long strokes across the page. The little crease that had formed between her brows as she started to focus whatever it was she was drawing. She had the book tilted away from him so he had no idea. He decided not to care, so he leaned back and rested on his hands. He closed his eyes and inhaled the salty air.

"Bucky never mentioned that you draw," Steve suddenly spoke, his eyes still closed.

"I used to," came Connie's reply. "Bucky doesn't know."

Silence fell between them for a few more minutes before Connie finally declared that she was done. Steve opened his eyes and took his book back from her.

When Connie made a request to draw in his book, he thought that she was going to draw a scenery, the people around her, the beach or maybe even the big Ferris wheel that was looming behind them. Instead, what he was looking at - was himself.

It was a very simple sketch. Steve's critical eye noticed that she had used long quick strokes and didn't even bother with proper shading but his features were undeniable. No has ever offered to draw him before. He has never seen himself on paper but there he was, with his eyes closed, his head tilted back slightly just as how he had done a couple of minutes before. He looked - contented. She even managed to catch the little smile that he himself didn't realize he was doing.

"This - this -," Steve started stuttering. "This is me."

"Yeah, it's not perfect, though. Guess I'm a little out of practice," Connie mused.

"I look - " Again, Steve was at a loss for words. What he was feeling, he had seen it before in the faces of those that he had drawn. When they finally get to see themselves as how he sees them. And this was how Connie saw him. Peaceful, contented. She was even kind enough to make him look a little handsome if he dared to admit.

"You have a nice face, Steve. Bucky was always saying that. It baffles him that you still don't have a girl."

The heat started to rise up from Steve's neck and to his face, making the only words he could mutter was, "Thanks."

\----

They rode the cyclone first while they still had the courage to do it. Shirley did have second thoughts about it and Steve was more than willing to stay with her while the others 'go get their insides thrown about', as how Steve had put it. But some gently coaxing from Roy, Shirley decided to just give it a go. Bucky kept pestering Steve to ride it, but he kept saying 'no'. It wasn't until Connie touched his arm and said 'please' that he finally agreed. It was only because he's a gentleman and could never turn a lady down. Steve threw up the minute they got off. Shirley looked a little green herself but was able to calm herself.

Bucky handed Steve's pack to Connie who just watched from afar with a concerned look on her face.

"You're okay, Stevie," Bucky comforted Steve gently. He ran his hand up and down on Steve's back .

"Shut up," Steve groaned before another wave of nausea washed over him and he threw up the chicken pie he ate earlier.

Bucky just grinned and bit his lip, trying hard not to laugh. He felt sorry for Steve. "Maybe you shouldn't have eaten so much before."

Steve just grunted and tried to push Bucky's hand away but almost lost his balance. He would probably have toppled over if Bucky hadn't caught him. Steve was mad at Bucky for making him do it, and for letting Connie persuade him to do it.

Bucky kept trying to comfort Steve, kept on rubbing his back and making shushing sounds and told him repeatedly that he's fine, he's okay, just let it out. But with each convulse, the frown between Bucky's brow deepen. Bucky apologized over and over again and once Steve was done, he finally straightened himself up, looked at Bucky in the eye and said, "Jerk."

The lights from the carnival shone brightly as dusk descended over Coney Island. As the sun was setting, they rode the Ferris Wheel. They were ushered into the cars in twos - Roy and Shirley, Bucky and Connie, Steve and a little girl who was right behind him in the queue. Since she had no one, Steve offered to ride it with her. As the wheel started to move, he was regretting the offer.

"Why are you so white?" the girl asked Steve. She was about 10 years old with big brown eyes. She was wearing a light blue dress with melted ice cream stains down the front. "Are you sick?"

"Erm - not right now," Steve replied. Then suddenly the questions started coming like bullets. 'Are you here with your parents?', 'Why are you so skinny?', 'What's in the pack?', 'Is it a bomb?', 'Are you a Nazi?', 'Why are you alone?', 'Why don't you have a girl?'.

Steve tried to answer her as much as he could even though he was wishing for her to stop, but the questions just kept on coming. Some he didn't even get a chance to answer before she blurted out another question. "Do you have a best friend?" The girl asked. The wheel had stopped so the ones right at the top could enjoy the view.

"Yes, I do." Steve couldn't hide the joy in his voice as he thought of Bucky. He lifted a hand and pointed to Bucky in the car above them. "That's him right there."

"Do you like him?" she asked innocently.

"Yeah, we've been best friends for a long time."

The girl nodded knowingly, her curls bounced around her face. "Do you love him?"

"I guess so," Steve replied, feeling a little worried as to what she was going to ask next. But the question never came. Instead, she looked up and started calling out to Bucky.

"Hey, Mister! Hey, you, above us!"

Bucky looked over the side of the car and saw a horrified looking Steve sitting next to a little girl which reminded him of his sister. "Yeah?" he replied.

"Is he your best friend?" she asked, pointing to Steve.

"Yes, he is," Bucky replied. His face was beaming proudly, just as how he always does when he's talking about Steve. The little girl asked Bucky the same question that she asked Steve. Bucky barked with laughter, his head disappeared behind the side of the car. Steve furrowed a little, wondering why Bucky had thought the question was so funny.

Best friends since they were young, they have always been affectionate towards each other either through their daily banters or the occasional hugs. But they have never expressed their affections through words. And they have never used the word 'Love'.

When Bucky didn't answer the question, the girl did something that made Steve turned white. "Do you love him, 'cuz he said he loves you!" she yelled up at Bucky.

Steve wanted to unlatch the safety bar on his lap and dropped to the ground. He was so embarrassed. He hung his head down and sank further into the car.

"He said that, did he?" came Bucky's bemused voice from above, he was looking over the side again. Steve looked up at Bucky through his dark lashes. "Well, if he loves me, then I guess I love him too!"

Steve sat up a little straighter and locked eyes with Bucky. He tilted his head questioningly at Bucky, who simply smirked and rolled his teeth over his lower lip like he always does when he's nervous. A tick that Steve recognized all too well.

"Do you, really?" the girl asked again, and Steve couldn't help but wondered what is wrong with this girl.

Bucky laughed again and threw his arm out grandly as he said, "With all my heart!" His eyes were still fixed onto Steve, who suddenly felt a little hot under his collar. He could feel his ears turning red and his heart must have skipped a beat several times. Bucky gave Steve a lopsided grin and a wink before disappearing back into the car.

The girl had stopped asking questions. She had her arms crossed as she leaned back into the seat, frowning.

"What's the matter?" It was Steve's turn to ask a question.

"My momma said people who love each other should get married. Are you going to marry your best friend?"

The question hit Steve harder than the one before. Marriage. He had thought about it many times before. Talked about it, even, with Bucky. Bucky had his own idea of how married life would be like and so did Steve. He had several versions actually, and in each one, Bucky was there.

Despite being unsure of how to answer that question, Steve opened his mouth anyways, but only to be interrupted by a sudden scream coming from two cars above him.

Roy and Shirley.

"What's goin' on?" Bucky called out to them. The scream was loud enough almost everyone in the wheel was craning their necks trying to find out what was going on.

Shirley twisted her little body to face them, her face was flushed and in between bouts of giggles, she held up her hand. Sitting neatly on her fourth finger was a ring. "We're getting married!" She yelled.

Everyone cheered and applauded, including Steve and the little girl.

"See, they're getting married," the little girl pointed out. Steve just pursed his lip into a line and slumped back into the seat.

\-----

After the wheel, the group made a beeline for the bumper cars. After almost breaking his neck, Steve was no longer allowed on the bumper car. Bucky's orders. It's fine by him, he's not a fan of it anyways. As a matter of fact, he's not a fan of any of the rides so when the others had decided that they have had enough and wanted to move on to games instead, he was glad. Or so he had thought.

The first game they played was Ring the Bell. Roy was able to win Shirley a big teddy bear for ringing the bell three times in a row. Bucky only rang once and Connie got a smaller bear with red and white striped pajamas and crooked eyes. He wanted to win Connie a better one but she insisted that it was fine. Steve managed to hit the base but there wasn't enough 'oomph' in the hit to send the indicator all the way up. It jumped up a little before falling back down sadly. He got a small chalkware figure of a puppy that looked scary rather than cute. He frowned looking at it before looking up to Bucky who just slapped him on the shoulders.

Roy and Shirley moved on to Milk Bottle while Bucky won Connie a cute looking panda bear with better eyes at Crossbow Shoot. Steve tried his luck with one of the chance game but apparently his luck was as bad as his skill. They walked around and passed many side shows while stuffing their faces with sugary goodies like candy floss, caramel popcorn, twinkies, and sodas. Except for Steve who chewed endlessly on his sugar-free gum.

As the night went on, the crowd slowly cleared. Roy and Shirley didn't feel like walking any more so they gathered everybody's things, including Connie's two bears and decided to wait in the car. Steve still insisted on holding on to his pack, though. Connie invited steve to walk with her and Bucky. Bucky signaled 'no' from behind Connie but he really didn't have to. Steve wasn't planning on joining them either so he just excused himself claiming that he needed to use the gents and quickly ducked away. Connie was about to call after him but Bucky just pulled her away and told her to let him be.

Steve returned to where the side shows were and contemplated going in for the freak show but he had just missed their last show so he decided to walk along the boardwalk instead, towards the pier. It was nice to get away from the crowd for awhile. The pier was where he and Bucky would always end their day whenever they visited the amusement park. Bucky knew that Steve couldn't get on most of the rides. He didn't want to leave Steve alone on the sidelines anyway, so instead, they would play the games, watch the side shows, stuff their faces with hot dogs or corn on the cob and then watch the sunset together before heading back. The pier was where they would share their dreams for the future.

The last time they were there, Bucky talked about going for night classes, to get some kind of certification so that he could get a better paying job to support the both of them. Steve felt bad because he was not able to help as much as he wanted to but when he brought it up, Bucky just frowned and reminded him that he liked being able to take care of him.

"It's not just because I promised your Ma that I would," Bucky had said. "I really like taking care of you, being with you. Living with you, even though you drive me crazy sometimes."

Steve had tried to object but Bucky threw an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. "Just - let me take care of you, a'right?" He said softly into Steve's hair, not quite kissing it but almost. His warm breath sent a jolt of current throughout Steve's body.

Steve shoved his hands into his pockets at the memory. As he buried his fingers deeper, his fingers brushed against something hard. It was the chalkware figurine. He looked at it with disgust. He didn't mind the size of the prize, it was what it reminded him of that bothered him. And the look on his friends' faces, how they felt sorry for him, including Bucky. Even if he did gave Steve's shoulder an encouraging squeeze and said, 'One day, pal. One day.' He knew that Bucky was just trying to be nice, but at that moment, it felt condescending.

He realized that he was already at the beginning of the pier. He took a deep breath and could taste the salt in his mouth. There were already a few people at the pier, mostly couples making out or just taking some time alone away from the prying eyes of the crowd.

Steve and Bucky have a special spot at the pier somewhere in the middle, where it was not too far away to walk back but far enough for them to have some privacy. Steve knew the spot was coming up soon but when he was approaching it, he saw that the spot was already taken up by a couple. It took him a second to realize who they were and his heart dropped to his shoes.

It was then that he realized, knowing about something and actually seeing it was two different things. He knew about Bucky and Connie, he knew when they're out together and he had seen them together talking and laughing and stealing glances. But to actually see them together, locked in an embrace under the night's sky, it made his blood ran cold. They were kissing so deeply that they didn't even notice him.

It took all of his strength to turn around and walk away, to walk back to the fair. He had to get away, but he could not unseen what he had seen. Bucky's lips on Connie's, his hands around her waist, her fingers in his hair. He remembered what Bucky's lips tasted like from a memory long ago. The softness of it, he wanted it back. His eyes started to sting as angry tears started forming.

"How dare he," Steve thought. First, it was the fireworks, and now it's their special spot. He had always been fine with Bucky and his girlfriends because he knew that no matter what, at least he had these special moments, these special things, that were solely theirs. Even though they seem foolish. Suddenly what was enough didn't seem enough anymore.

How could Bucky be so cruel? How much more of theirs was Bucky going to share with her? He felt betrayed. He couldn't wait to get back home. He knew he shouldn't have come. The whole day was a mistake.


	11. Green-eyed Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Remember this? I'm finally back with updates. So sorry that it has taken so long. Just to make up for it, I have 4 new chapters for you. Thank you once again for sticking by this story all these while and happy reading!
> 
> If you have any questions or prompts, you can send me an Ask on my [Tumblr](http://godlovelifemusic.tumblr.com/).

It’s been two days since they went to Coney Island and ever since they returned, Steve had been in a bad mood. He hardly talked to Bucky, stayed in his room to either read or sketch and at night when Bucky came home from work, he would already be asleep.

Bucky frowned as he looked at the untouched sandwich that he brought home the night before for Steve. He had ended work early so he figured he would get something to eat for Steve who was busy painting the day away. It was the only day that week that he didn't have to work late so he decided to catch up on sleep. He had reminded Steve to eat the sandwich before going to bed, but obviously, that reminder had fallen on deaf ears.

He walked back into the room and looked at Steve snoring softly. He sat down next to him on his bed and placed a hand on Steve's shoulder, shaking it gently.

"Hey Steve," he said. "Stevie."

Steve's snoring stopped but he still didn't wake. So Bucky nudged his shoulder a little harder, calling his name a little louder.

"My God Bucky, what do you want?" Steve groaned, furrowing his brows but keeping his eyes closed. It looked like he was trying to avoid looking at Bucky altogether.

Bucky was confused by Steve's response but said nothing of it. "You didn't eat the sandwich I bought."

Steve didn't reply.

"Steve," Bucky said again, slowly losing his patience.

Steve's frown deepen but still kept his eyes closed. "What?" His voice a little louder this time.

"The sandwich, why didn't 'ya eat it?" Frustration was slowly boiling inside Bucky and he was trying to control it. It was too early in the day to get upset over a sandwich.

"I wasn't hungry, a'right," Steve lied and pulled up his blanket over his face to indicate the end òf the conversation.

Bucky had had enough. He pulled the blanket but Steve had fingers on it too, gripping it tightly.

"What did you eat Steve? If you weren't hungry, what the hell did you eat? Why are you being like this? It's been 2 days, you piss-head. Are you mad at me? Talk to me for fuck's sake!"

Steve tried pulling the blanket back over his head but Bucky was stronger. Steve had to sit up in order to secure a good grip, even then he knew he was fighting a losing battle. They struggled a little more before Steve used all of his strength to turn away just to yank the blanket out of Bucky's hand. It worked, but not before his elbow squared Bucky in the mouth.

Steve knew what he had done but he just lay under the blanket frozen. His heart was beating wildly. He shut his eyes tightly, fighting the angry tears that were welling up. He wished he hadn't done that. He wanted to take it all back. The next thing he knew, Bucky was yelling.

"Fine, don't eat it then!" Then there was a dull thud at the corner of the room. "You can starve for all I fucking care!"

There was a loud slam of the door followed by heavy footsteps down the stairs. Then there was silence. Steve was alone with nothing for company but the beating of his broken heart and his guilt. The tears started to run down his face. He wiped it hastily before pulling the blanket off his head. He looked around the room and noticed that Bucky had thrown the sandwich on the floor. Bucky hated wasting food like that, but he did it anyway. Because he was mad. He was mad at Steve.

He had hurt Bucky. He'd been hurting Bucky for the past 2 days. He thought it would make him feel better but it just made him feel worse. It was so unlike him to behave like this, he knew that. He could never hurt Bucky. He would never. But now he had. All because his heart was broken.

\-----

Steve had been counting the minutes the whole day. He kept looking at the clock on the wall. Bucky had ended work and should be home soon.

Steve spent the whole day thinking about what had happened - at Coney Island, the past two days, earlier that morning. It was unlike him to be acting out like a small child. He had always been the reasonable one. The sensible one between the two of them. He knew that he owed Bucky an explanation and also an apology for being such an idiot.

His heart started racing when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs and stopped right outside the door. He took a nervous breath in and exhaled slowly to calm his nerves. He had no idea what to say. But he knew if he was going to keep on lying, then he had better come up with a good excuse. Otherwise, he might as well tell the truth.

"Hi," Steve said softly when Bucky opened the door.

Bucky didn't even look at him when he entered the door. He simply grunted a reply, sat himself down at the kitchen table and kicked off his shoes like he usually does. His hair was in disarray and his lower lip was a little bruised. The was even a bit of dried blood on the small cut where he must have bitten on when Steve accidentally elbowed him.

Steve watched in silence as Bucky hung his jacket by the door and rolled his sleeves up to wash his hands and face at the sink. When he was done, he turned off the tap but did not turn around. He simply hung his head down, his hands on the edge of the sink. The muscles in his forearms tensed and relaxed as he tried to stay calm. Steve knew this would be a good time to say something but nothing came into mind.

"What's going on, Steve?" Bucky had spoken first. His voice was cool. His head was still hanging low, his eyes on the sink. Steve didn't know what to say, he opened his mouth just to close it again. His mouth was dry and his tongue felt like sandpaper.

He swallowed and tried again. "I - I'm sorry, Buck."

Bucky turned around and leaned against the sink. His arms folded across his chest, his eyes on Steve and nodded encouragingly as if he knew there was more to that apology.

Steve sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me Buck, I just feel - " He wasn't able to finish the sentence. Bucky pulled up a chair right next to Steve and sat down facing him.

"Have I hurt you in some way?" Bucky interrupted, placing a hand on his gaunt shoulder. "Did I do something wrong?"

Steve's eyes widen and quickly said, "No! no, you didn't do anything wrong! It's me - I'm just -"

Bucky just stared at Steve, waiting for him to finish his sentence. Steve inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly. this is it, he thought before continuing.

"I was just - jealous."

The words came out a whisper. Bucky tilted his head a little, wondering if he had heard Steve correctly. Steve couldn't look Bucky in the eye. He just looked down at his hands, his fingertips stained with charcoal. He was drawing the whole day, trying to keep calm and imagining this very scene, thinking of how he should play it out. He knew that he had, to tell the truth someday. He had thought of Bucky's reaction. What if Bucky reacted badly? What is Bucky was okay with it? If it's the latter, he hoped that Bucky wouldn't push him away. Bucky was silent after Steve's vague admission and it was playing with Steve's nerves. When he finally looked up, Bucky was staring at him, his eyebrows raised.

"Wow," Bucky huffed, running his damp hands through his hair, making parts of it equally damp. "Steve, I - I didn't know."

Steve just grimaced lightly. Bucky's reaction was surprisingly low-key.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say something?" Bucky asked, the words rushing out of his mouth, hands getting animated as he spoke. "I could have done something, Steve, I could 'ave - "

Steve felt calmer now, enough to actually smile. "What would you have done, Buck? How could I tell you?" Steve replied, his voice close to whining. "You're so happy with Connie, and - "

Bucky stood up suddenly and started pacing around, not looking at Steve. It caught Steve by surprise, he wasn't able to finish his sentence. Bucky ran his fingers through his hair again before joining his hands behind his head and looked at Steve apologetically. "I've been such a twit, haven't I?"

Steve didn't reply to that question. he just smiled shyly, but his heart was pounding wildly. He can't believe that Bucky was so passive about the whole thing. Could it be that he feels the same way? Steve thought.

"God, and I kept rubbin' it in 'yer face! How could I be so stupid, so inconsiderate!" Bucky exclaimed. "I can't believe I call myself your best friend. Really, Steve, you have every right to be mad at me."

The smile on Steve's face started to falter slowly, confusion slowly replacing it. "What - what are you talking about, Buck?"

"You, I'm talkin' 'bout you! 'Yer jealous of me and Connie, right? Cuz you ain't got a girl." Bucky's face lit up as he finally figured it out.

Or so he thought.

\-----

Steve knew he had better do something soon before things worsen. Bucky mentioned that he was going to drop by the boarding house, to ask Connie to introduce some girls to Steve. Bucky spent the past few days grilling Steve for his type of girl.

“'Ya gotta tell me, Steve, ‘cuz 'yer never seem to like any of the girls we go on doubles with.”

“I like them just fine Buck. It's just that - who would wanna dance with a guy they can step on?” Steve replied, hoping that it was a good enough excuse for Bucky to stop the whole matchmaking madness.

“You know there's more to it than just dancing right?” Bucky asked, his tone serious and his eyebrows raised high.

Steve just looked at him grimly.


	12. Manhattan Is Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a look at a little bit of Connie's background.

Connie was just eleven the first time she stepped into a bar. Even though she was under the legal age, she was a regular. Her older brother, Charlie, worked at Murray's Bar as the bouncer. She would spend her Friday nights there while her mother went out with one of her male 'friends'. Old man Murray, who was the owner and bartender, always made sure that Connie had the seat right at the end of the table, closer to the back room. So just in case a fight breaks out, she could run and hide in the office. Charlie was a big man who works hard and was respected and admired by many, including his employer. Charlie's job as a protector got harder as Connie grew older. Right after Connie finished school, Charlie grudgingly encouraged her to get out of town, to travel and experience new things. Even though he fears for her, he would want her to see the world. Connie chose New York.

When Connie turned 14, her mother had finally left home for good. She had decided that she no longer wanted to be a mother, so dead in the night when she thought Connie was asleep, she had packed her bags and left. Two days later, Edward moved in with them.

Edward was no stranger to Connie. He was a regular fixture at home when her mother was not around, and he had helped Charlie looked after her many times before. While Charlie was mild-mannered, Edward was not. Edward was a straight-talker and didn't believe in beating around the bush. He had made his thoughts known about Connie's mom many times before and on the day he moved in, he had taken Connie into his arms and hugged her tightly and said, "Good riddance to her, Sugah. I think she stopped being your momma a long time ago." Connie hated that thought but he was right. Connie never really knew her mother, only had memories of her either drunk, asleep or arguing with Charlie.

Things were more peaceful after Edward moved in. The first thing he did was made sure Connie started eating right. The house was kept tidy and clutter-free and finally had curtains. Edward was always home when Connie came home from school and he had helped her with her school work, not that Connie ever needed any. She was a bright girl. Edward never failed to point that out to Charlie. Charlie would just smile and nodded, with his eyes shining brightly, ride clear upon his face.

It was on one of the days during the first Summer after Edward moved in. Connie mentioned that she would be spending the day at the creek with her friends, but at the last minute changed her mind. She was up in her reading when she heard Charlie and Edward came home, there were urgent voices and feet shuffling. It also seemed that they kept bumping into things. It wasn't until she heard a low thud that she decided to go downstairs to investigate.

When she entered the living room, she saw two figures on the sofa, one on top of the other. There was a moan and Edward had his face buried at the side of Charlie's neck. She had seen this before, the sounds that she was hearing, she had heard them before. The only difference was, in her memory, her mother was one of the figures. The looks on their faces when she said Charlie's name was unforgettable.

Edward had jumped back so quickly that he knocked over a lamp. He was shirtless and fumbled to put his shirt back on, only to have worn it back inside out. Charlie's shirt was untucked and unbuttoned. His face was as white as their newly painted picket fence and his eyes were so big that they might have popped out of his head.

"Connie! What are you doing here? You were supposed to be at the creek!" The question had come out sounding more like an accusation as if Connie had lied about being where she was. Connie knocked back by Charlie's raised voice. She apologized thinking that she had done something wrong and quickly returned to her bedroom. She was confused as to why Charlie was so mad at her.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on her door and Edward entered. He had asked her as to what she thought she saw and she had explained that she had seen it before. She knew what they were doing and she didn't mind. Shortly after, Charlie sat next to her and took her hands and apologized for yelling at her. He had explained what the situation was with Edward and she just nodded silently. The crease between her eyebrows deepened as she processed everything.

When Charlie told her that she had to promise not to tell anyone about it, she did. And when Charlie asked if she had any questions for them, all she said was, "Do you love each other?"

And when they replied, "Very, very much", she just smiled and gave both of them a big hug and figured, that's all that mattered.

\-----

Despite Steve's protests, Bucky had made his way to the boarding house. He had shared his thoughts with Steve that morning about asking Connie for help. Maybe Bucky hadn't been setting Steve up with the right kind of girls. Maybe Connie could be of better help. Steve just buried his face into his pillow and groaned miserably as Bucky left for work.

There were no plans for Bucky to call on Connie that night, so she was pleasantly surprised when Mrs. Hobbs announced his arrival.

"Bucky," she greeted him with a smile. He loved it when she said his name. He just smiled back and touched his hat at her, just as how he knew she liked it. "What a surprise. Are we going somewhere?"

"Just around the block, doll. If you're not too busy." It gave her butterflies whenever he calls her that. "There's something I need to discuss with you."

"Sure, lemme just freshen myself up. I'll be right back."

Bucky nodded as she rushed up the stairs. Less than a minute after Connie had gone, Vickie entered the front door.

"Well, we have to stop bumping into each other like this," she purred.

Bucky turned and just looked at her, his eyes turned dark and his voice was cold. "Hello, Vickie."

Vickie sauntered past him and ignored his greeting. "You know, someday someone's gonna find out."

Bucky frowned.

"Oh, come on now, James. No secrets among old friends."

Bucky tried not to flinched when she said 'friends'. They were never just friends to him. They were more than that. She was more than that. "I have no secrets with Connie."

"Ah, of course, you don't," Vickie replied, touching a finger to the side of her nose and pointed it to bucky. "By the way, how's your boy, Steve?"

Vickie sneered as Bucky stood a little straighter at the mention of Steve's name. He knew what she was getting at. They've talked, debated and argued about this many times before.

"You're drunk," Bucky said pointedly.

"Very perceptive, James. Well, I had a couple of drinks but I'm hardly drunk. But you know who else is perceptive? Me." Vickie moved toward bucky, her balance teetered precariously on her heels. "And I'm also the secret-keeper, only I'm not very good at keeping secrets."

She cackled at her own joke. Bucky's frown deepened but he kept silence.

"So, where are you taking her to celebrate?"

Bucky just looked at Vickie suspiciously. "Celebrate what?" he asked.

"Why her new job of course. In Manhattan."

Before Bucky could say anything, Connie had interjected.

"Vickie!"

"Oh, was he not suppose to know?" Vickie feigned innocence before she lifted a hand to hide her mouth. "Oops." She said before making her way upstairs. her lips curled deviously as she passed Connie.

Bucky eyes were cold on Connie. "Is it true?" he asked. Connie opened her mouth to deny it but nothing came out. "Yes or no, Connie."

"Yes but - "

Before she could finish what she wanted to say, Bucky had already walked out the door.

\-----

"Bucky! Wait!" she called after him as she ran down the steps. "Bucky, please stop!"

"You're leaving for Manhattan and you weren't gonna tell me?" he spat as he turned around to face her.

"No! it's - I'm not -"

"So you're not leaving for Manhattan?"

"I - I'm - I don't know. Bucky, I wanted to tell you!"

"When? When were you planning on telling me? When you've already moved into your new Manhattan apartment? When you've already gotten your Christmas bonus from your high-flying Manhattan job? When?"

"Bucky please, can we just talk about this?"

"How long had you known?" he asked quietly. Connie didn't answer the question. She just chewed the inside on her lower lip and looked at Bucky. "Was it before or after?" Connie wasn't sure if she should even answer that question. "Before or after?!"

"Before! It was before!" she blurted. "I don't know if I'm going to Manhattan or not. At first, I did, I wanted to, but then you happened and then, I - don't know."

"Well excuse me for holding you back," Bucky held up both hands, palms facing Connie, in mock surrender. "If you're hoping for a permission then you have it. Go on, go to Manhattan."

Bucky huffed and started pacing. He was trying to keep his temper in check. It was such a trivial thing to get upset about, but he just couldn't understand why Connie would keep it from him. If it wasn't such a big deal, then why keep it a secret? They were really good friends before they were together. They were friends for months and they had shared so much. Bucky knew that Connie came to New York to work. Bucky knew that Connie was waiting for her big break. He even gave her his best when she told him about it, but when the time came, why wasn't she able to tell him? And to make things worst, he had to hear it from Vickie.

"Why are you so upset? It's not like we've made promises to each other!" Connie raised her voice to match his. "We all know how it is with you, Bucky."

Bucky's steel blue eyes look at her sharply. His fists were clenched and his jaw rooted. Something cracked inside his chest and his stomach tightened.

"Oh James, Oh Bucky, such a gentleman. Always so sweet on the dames," she continued dramatically, her voice in falsetto, waving her hands daintily like a damsel in distress. "I'm just another one to add to your list," Connie's mouth twisted in anger as she spat those words. She had always been able to control herself but this time, he hurt her.

"I have been nothing but devoted to you," Bucky replied through clenched teeth.

"Devotion, sure. Do you even love me, Bucky?" Her voice calmer now, softer. She asked despite already knowing the answer.

"Connie, I - " Bucky exhaled, his jaw relaxed and his anger ebbed for now.

"Say it, Bucky. Say you love me." She was challenging him. She wanted to hear him say the words even though she knew he can't.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He closed it in the end and just looked at Connie sadly. The ice in his eyes melted. Connie just chuckled at herself and looked up to the skies.

"You could have told me about Manhattan, though," Bucky said. "I trusted you."

Connie lowered her gaze as she thought of what to say. There were so many things that could spill out of her mouth if she wasn't careful. She was angry and sad at the same time. Her heart was aching and she felt her insides getting all twisted. "I trusted you too, Bucky," she finally said softly.

Bucky snorted, "I wasn't the one who lied."

"You weren't honest either," Connie pointed out. Be quiet, a voice in her head warned.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at her, "What are 'yer talking about?" The tension between them returning.

"Nothing, it's just - ," Bucky just looked at her bewildered. "Vickie told me that - "

Bucky grabbed Connie by the arms and snarled, "What did Vickie tell 'ya?" Connie was too stunned to say anything. Her whole body tensed as Bucky tightened his grip around her arm. He dragged her to the nearest alleyway before releasing his grip.

"Bucky, you're hurting me."

"What. Did. Vickie. Tell you?" he said through clenched teeth. His anger was returning with a vengeance.

"That - that you're covering up for something." the words rushed out of Connie's mouth so quickly it left her breathless. _Stop talking_ , there was the voice again. "She told me about you and Steve." _Too late_.

"What about me and Steve?" he asked softly. Connie wasn't sure if she should answer until he bellowed at her. "What the hell did she tell 'ya about me and Steve!?"

"Nothing! She said nothing! Just that both of you are very close. But I already knew that, Bucky. I already knew that," Connie said slowly, her eyes narrowed, looking closely at Bucky, who had looked away from her. She took a breath before continuing, "I know Steve is special to you. Very, very special."

It wasn't what she said, it was how she said it. "Bucky," she approached him slowly and placed a light hand on his arm, "Bucky, I saw it with my own eyes. I know."

Bucky stared at her hand on his arm. His heart was racing. He’s had this conversation before, long ago. The same accusations, the same arguments. It was easy to ignore and brush aside whispers and gossips from strangers in the street. But to actually have someone he cared about, say it to his face. For her to insinuate such a thing, it hurt.

"'Yer dunno anything," he replied softly, pushing her hand away.

She tried to cushion her accusations by stroking the side of his face. Bucky flinched at her touch like he had just been burnt.

"How dare you?" he growled. "How dare you! Steve is my best friend. He's my best friend! And for you to accuse me - accuse him! He has been nothing but nice to 'ya. I have been nothing but nice to 'ya! How fucking dare you?!"

Connie was shocked at Bucky's outburst. She knew that he could be a little grouchy sometimes, she's seen it before the first time they met. But for him to lash out like this, it sent Connie to a panic. "Bucky, I won't tell," she said quickly.

"Like hell, you won't! Cuz there's nothing to tell. 'Ya hear me?! There's fucking nothing to tell!" He turned on his heels and started walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it was a little weird having to write Bucky this way, because we all know him to be the calm and collected one. But I'd like to think that he is as flawed as the rest of us. And this was before the war. It's possible that the army had trained him to keep his temper in check. Or at least that's what I think. =)
> 
> If you have any prompts for me or simply would like to drop me a note, here's me on [Tumblr](http://godlovelifemusic.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you for reading! More chapters up ahead!


	13. Goodbye Connie, Hello Jessica

Bucky was awake long before the sunrise. Usually, if he had woken up that early, for whatever reason, he would pull his blanket a little higher and bury himself a little deeper and fall back to sleep. But this time, his eyes simply refused to shut and his body denied him the chance to relax. The rusty springs in his bed creaked and groaned as he tossed and turned.

"God Bucky," Steve had moaned against his pillow. "Are you trying to wake the dead?"

Bucky stopped moving and just lay flat on his back. Staring up at the ceiling, he said, "She's leaving today."

Steve let out a sigh and replied sleepily, "Go back to sleep, Bucky."

\-----

They sat at the dining table in silence. Steve had given up trying to convince Bucky to go back to sleep and had jumped out of bed in frustration. The sun was finally out and the bustling of a Saturday morning made its way through the opened windows.

Bucky pushed his eggs around his plate. Steve had made breakfast in the attempt to cheer him up. Bucky was appreciative but his mind was far away.

"You should say goodbye." Steve's voice made its way into his thoughts. Bucky looked up but said nothing. "She must've had her reasons for not telling."

"Don't try to defend her, Steve," Bucky frowned at his eggs.

Steve sighed dramatically. It's been two weeks since Bucky walked away from Connie. Steve knew that Bucky had tried to not let it bother him but he seemed to have lost his usually cheery demeanor and would rather work long hours at the docks than be at home. Well, at least it was better than him wasting away at those joints like he did before.

Bucky gave up on his eggs. He pushed his plate towards Steve, saying that he needed them more than he does. He gulped his coffee up and placed the empty mug in the sink before putting on his jacket.

"I'm going for a walk," he announced unnecessarily. He was about to go through the opened door before Steve stopped him.

"Bucky wait," Steve stood up at the table. Bucky stopped mid-way but didn't turn around. "Bucky I know you're upset, but you can't let her leave like that. It's not right. I've seen what she means to you, she's more than just some dame. She was also your friend. You owe your friendship some closure."

Steve was talking to the back of Bucky's head but he could tell that the gears in Bucky’s head were spinning, thinking, digesting what he had just said. He made no indication of it though, apart from saying, "I'll be back by lunchtime."

The front door was staring at Steve and he couldn't help but think dejectedly how Bucky seemed to keep closing doors at him.

\-----

He wasn't sure where exactly he was going, but Bucky knew he had to just keep walking. Before long, his legs had brought him to an all too familiar street.

 _Traitor_ , he scolded his legs.

He looked up at the stone structure in front of him, something that he had done countless of times before.

 _Friendship_ , Steve had said.

He took a deep breath and entered the threshold.

It didn't take long for Connie to come down. Bucky felt like smoking so he waited outside instead of at the foyer like he usually does.

Connie was in a simple blouse and cropped pants. Her hair still in rollers but her face was fresh-looking and clean. She had a slight smile on her face when she greeted Bucky. No sign of resentment or bitterness in her voice or her posture. She apologized for hurting Bucky and for keeping Manhattan a secret. Bucky felt so small then because no matter how angry he was, deep down, he knew he was the one at fault for overreacting. He should have given her a chance to explain. He was the asshole and she was the one to say sorry first.

"I'm also sorry for - saying what I did," Connie added once the tension had cleared.

The crease between Bucky’s brows deepened a little but he kept his cool. "I'm not here to talk about that, Con," he said.

"I know," she replied softly. "So don't talk just - listen."

Bucky shoved his hands into his pockets and shifted his weight uncomfortably. He didn't want to listen to any more accusations. He's had enough. But he also didn't want to fight with Connie anymore. So he figured he would just keep his mouth shut and let Connie speak. If he didn't agree with what she said, it doesn't matter, because she's leaving and there's a good chance that he might never see her again.

Connie took his silence as permission to carry on. "There are people who knew from the get-go what they want in life. And there are some who took a long time to realize what they one. Then there are the unfortunate ones who never knew what their greatest desires are. But the tragic ones are the ones who knew what they want, but was just too scared to go for it."

Bucky digested her words as best as he could in that short time. He shuffled his foot and gazed at her through his dark lashes. "You've always known, didn't you? About Manhattan."

"Yes, I did. That's what I'm here for."

"And me?" Bucky asked, afraid to hear what the answer might be.

Connie just smiled and placed a hand on his face gently. "I would have told you eventually. We would have figured something out. But - "

"Manhattan is your dream, Connie. Not mine," Bucky replied with a slight pout. "It wouldn't have worked out." Connie just nodded. She tip-toed a little and planted a soft kiss at the corner of Bucky's mouth.

"For good luck, in finding what you want," she said with a smile.

Bucky lifted his face and looked at Connie, the girl that has been so generous with her time and company. Always so poised and sweet. "Goodbye, Connie."

"Goodbye, Bucky."

She looked back once at Bucky before slipping back into the house and Bucky walked down the steps for what might seem like the last time.

\-----

Everything seemed to have returned to normal for Bucky and Steve. As normal as it can be. Steve was pleased to get Bucky back all to himself but at the same time felt sorry for him. He knew how much Connie meant to Bucky. Bucky was always on active duty when it comes to girls but Connie was definitely his best girl, even if he hates to admit it. Bucky tried not to show just how sad he was with Connie's departure but Steve sometimes caught him in a daze, probably thinking about her. He missed her, missed talking to her, missed being in her company. Bucky was mopey for awhile but it didn't take long before he started frequenting the dance halls again. And of course, he just had to drag steve along.

Steve had given up on his date when she decided to dance with someone else, three songs in a row. It's nothing new to Steve. He was always getting pushed aside. Bucky had once said it was because he doesn't know how to talk to dames. Steve was convinced that it was the curse.

"What the hell - what curse?" Bucky asked incredulously.

"The curse of being your friend," Steve replied drily. It took him awhile before he realized that Steve was kidding. One day, you will know what it's like to be me, Steve had said to him. "Yeah, well right now, I'd like to enjoy being me."

He slapped Steve on the shoulder before making his way to his date. A pretty looking brunette who couldn't stop chewing gum.

Steve just sighed and turned back to the drink stand. He was about to take a sip of his soda when someone had knocked against him, making him spill soda down his shirt. He bite his tongue when he realized it was Jessica. Watch your tongue when in the company of ladies, his ma had told him.

"Steve!" Jessica exclaimed her eyes wide with surprise and then she started giggling uncontrollably. There was slight flush to her face and her usually neat hair had tendrils coming loose. She tried to compose herself as soon as she saw Steve but it was too late.

"Have you been drinking?" Steve asked, eyeing her sideways.

"No!" The answer came a little too quickly. "Yes," she finally admitted. "Just a little bit. But I swear I'm not drunk. Oh please, don't tell my mom."

Jessica was clutching on to Steve's skinny arms. Her words had rushed out of her mouth and she was trying hard to stifle a giggle, or maybe she was holding back tears. Steve wasn't sure. You can never be really sure with these young girls, Bucky had once said.

"I won't tell your mom, Sissy," Steve said softly. He winced and wondered what he did wrong when Jessica squeezed his arms tighter, her fingernails digging through his shirt. She looked around quickly to see if any of her friends heard him calling her by her childhood nickname.

"Steve, please!” she hissed. “Sissy is a six-year-old’s name.”

Steve mouthed the words ‘Oops, sorry’, before saying her name a little louder than necessary. “I mean, Jessica. Jessica, your name is Jessica.” Teenage girls are so weird. He didn't understand them before, he doesn't understand them now.

Jessica smiled and released Steve's arm. He flinched a little as blood started to flow again. He didn't realize that 16-year-olds could be so strong.

"Are you sure it's a good idea, though," Steve continued, keeping his voice low enough just for the two of them. "Who are you drinking with? Is it safe? Are you safe?"

Jessica let out a loud giggle before throwing her head back and slapped Steve's arm. Steve flinched again and actually took a little step back, rubbing the area where she had hit him.

"It's fine, Steve, I'm not drunk. Just a little buzzin'," Jessica swayed a little and waved her hand dismissively. "I'm with some friends. They're safe. I'm safe." Steve wasn't sure if he was convinced, though.

"Hey, c'mon! Let's dance!" Jessica pulled on Steve's arm.

Steve's eyes looked like they might roll out of their sockets. "No! Thank you, but no. I - I don't dance."

"You don't or you don't wanna?" Jessica narrowed her eyes at him.

Steve leaned in closer and whispered to her, "I'm a dead hoofer. I'm just gonna embarrass you."

"Pish-posh, and I'm halfway drunk," Jessica replied. "C'mon Steve, just this once. While I have the guts to ask you for it," Jessica pleaded. She kept on pulling steve towards the dancefloor and they actually passed by Bucky who had a ridiculous surprised look on his face. Steve just shrugged and figured if Jessica is as drunk as he thought she was then she's better off being with him than with any other hot-blooded creep.

Steve was a little relieved when the band switched to something slow. At least he didn't have to worry about falling flat on his face. Slow dancing is a little easier. Just a little. He had already stepped on Jessica's foot at first sway.

"Ow!" She yelled, clearing her buzz a little.

"I'm - I'm so sorry. Sissy - Jessica, I'm really not a good dancer."

Jessica leaned in closer and buried her face in Steve's chest for awhile. Steve could feel her hot breath as she let out a long sigh before looking up at Steve and took his hands. "Mmmm...let's try again, okay? Slowly."

The dancefloor was packed as usual and there really wasn't that much space to dance but they swayed with the music and Jessica tried to guide steve through the steps.

"1...2...3...right foot back,...to the side...3...4...and again..."

After stumbling a few times, Steve was beginning to get a hang of it. He was grinning from ear to ear, immensely proud of himself and also surprised that he could do it. Jessica was a good teacher and he made sure to tell her about it.

"Daddy taught me how to dance," she said with a shrug. "Then when I was good enough, he made me teach Donny and Matthew."

Steve nodded as he recalled that Jessica has two other brothers before Lil' Frankie. Having three younger brothers must have explained why she's so strong. Steve wondered how many fights she had broken up between the three of them.

It must have been nice growing up with siblings, Steve thought. Being the only child, it was nice to have his ma's full attention. But it can get awfully lonely. Or at least it was for Steve until he met Bucky. Bucky has been his pal, his best buddy, his brother and pretty much his everything. When Ma died, he lost the most important person in his life. He thought he had nothing left. But even when he had nothing he had Bucky.

The song ended and the band continued playing another slow number. Steve was still far away and was brought back to reality when he felt something soft and wet on the corner of his mouth. He blinked and stared at the face in front of him. Jessica is a sweet, sweet girl but he reminded him so much of Rebecca, that he just couldn't. Besides, he had known Jessica since she was little. He had carried her in his arms before and watched her grow. It's hard to look at her differently. It's just not right.

Jessica was smiling shyly and looking at him from under her lashes. Steve never realized how long her lashes were. Long and nicely curled, framing her innocent brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, I just had to," she said softly. Steve didn't know what to say, and Jessica mistook his silence as annoyance and her face fell. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I shouldn't have done that. I mean, is your date gonna be mad?"

She looked around consciously, expecting to see a girl glaring at her. But of course, there wasn't any. Just a very confused Bucky frowning, struggling to figure out why he had this sudden urge to tear the two of them apart.

"No, no it's fine," Steve replied, shaking his head. "I mean - thank you. But, there's no date, and you really shouldn't be kissing an old man like me."

His gentle smile made Jessica's face redder than before but she still managed to say "You're not old, Steve."

"I'm too old for you," he pointed out gently. He had to say it eventually.

"I know," Jessica sighed and lean in closer to rest her chin on his shoulder. He let her. It was like hugging Rebecca, the little sister he never had.

"One day, you'll meet someone who will appreciate you for who you are. He will look at you like you're the only girl in the whole world. He would treat you right, make you laugh and makes you feel good. When he's around, everything would feel perfect. And when he looks at you, you would feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. You’d feel like the you’re the only person that matters to him."

They were quiet for a while as they danced their second dance together. Steve was getting the hang of it and was no longer stepping on Jessica's feet.

"Steve?" Jessica said softly, her chin still on his shoulder. "Do you have someone like that, someone who makes you feel like the only person that matters?"

The question caught Steve by surprise. _Does he have someone like that?_  he thought. "I think - yes, I do." _And he's across the room, dancing with some girl who couldn't stop chewing gum._

"You do?" Jessica asked, her voice was clearly surprised. Then her voice softened again and she sighed. "She must be real pretty. Is she pretty?"

Steve took a moment to decide how he was going to answer that question and suddenly, the words poured out of his mouth easily. "She's beautiful. She has grey-blue eyes that shines when she smiles. Thick dark hair that's soft as silk and a smile that could melt a million hearts. She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever known."

"And when she looks at you, it feels like you're the only person that matters," Jessica mumbled, repeating his words.

Not trusting himself to say anything more, Steve just kept quiet and tried to swallow the wave of jealousy as he watched Bucky kissed his date a little too passionately for public eyes.

 _I hope you choke on her goddamned gum, you jerk_ , Steve thought to himself.


	14. A Fight and A Kiss

Bucky never did explain to Steve what exactly happened between him and Vickie. Vickie grew tired of him. True. Vickie started pushing him away. True. He tried even harder to impress her. True. Which led her to run away. Also true.

But he failed to mention that she actually grew tired of him because of Steve. Because he kept talking about Steve.

"God Barnes, you talk as if you're in love with this guy." Vickie has said, rolling her eyes. She used to smile when she said it and Bucky knew she was just teasing. Vickie would refer to Steve as 'your boyfriend'. Bucky would just laugh it off and wrap his arms around her waist whispering things like, "You know, you're my only girl." He would then go on to prove to her how true that sentiment was and she would let him. All night long, sometimes even in the daytime.

But as time goes by, the teasing started sounding less and less of a joke. She would spit the words out instead and the venom that accompanied it got thicker and thicker.

"Why don't you just shove your cock down his fucking throat, since you're so fucking in love with him!"

"You're fucking crazy! I'm not in love with him."

Eventually, Bucky did stop talking about Steve to Vickie. He even went as far as not seeing Steve. But it was too late. She had moved on and was leaving Bucky behind.

"You're free now, Bucky. Go be with your boyfriend," she had sneered.

Bucky was crushed. Moreover, he was ashamed. But he was not sure what he was more ashamed of, being dumped by Vickie or the fact that Vickie might be right.

So he didn't tell Steve.

\-----

When Bucky told Steve what happened with Connie, he mentioned Manhattan and how she had told Vickie but not him. Half-truths. There was more to it but somehow, he just couldn't get himself to tell Steve the whole story.

Just like how it was with Vickie.

Steve and Bucky decided to go out together that night, just to get out of the apartment. Bucky was getting restless and Steve was getting annoyed with his whining. They decided to just take a walk around since there was nothing good showing in the picture house and Steve didn't want to go to the dance hall. On their way back, they saw Jessica walking home. Alone. Something that was not advisable to do at that time of night.

"Well, good thing you got Steve to walk you home," Bucky grinned. "He’ll protect you." He wrapped an arm around Steve's shoulder and switched places with him so that he would be walking next to Jessica instead. Steve just smiled as Jessica lower her gaze, trying to hide the blush that was slowly rising to her face.

"It's not safe for you to be walking alone at night, Sissy," Steve pointed out. "Just let me know if ever you need an escort. I can walk you home."

"Steve, please," Jessica replied shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Eyes still cast down. "I’ve told you, I don’t go by that name anymore. I'm sixteen. It's Jessica now."

"My apologies, Jessica," Steve corrected himself and smiled again, which almost gave Jessica a heart attack. “Anyways, I just wanted to say, about the other night - “

A mortified Jessica stared at Steve wide-eyed. “Oh no, please. Please don't. I think I've embarrassed myself enough.”

“No, you didn't,” Steve replied quickly. “I just wanted to thank you again, for teaching me how to dance.”

Jessica said nothing more beyond a simple, ‘Oh’. Bucky chuckled softly under his breath and wondered to himself how is it that Steve could be so smooth with Jessica but turn into a rambling idiot whenever they go out on doubles.

The conversation started between the two and Bucky sneakily slowed his footsteps so he ended up walking a few steps behind them instead of with them. When Steve turned around to look at him curiously, he simply held up the lighted cigarette and pointed to Jessica. Making it look like he was keeping the smoke away from her. Like it was the gentlemanly thing to do. By the time they were a block away from the tenement, Bucky was more than a couple of steps behind them.

"Out for a nice walk?" a voice was heard from the dim-lit alley that they almost passed.

It was Dan Mayfield. He must have come from the back door of his father's store. Steve was so busy talking to Jessica, he hadn't realized that they had just passed the store.

"This your girlfriend, Rogers?" Dan asked, nudging towards Jessica. "You two rationed?" He circled both of them and block their path.

Instinctively, Steve stepped forward which placed Jessica a little behind him. "Let us pass, Mayfield."

"Ooo....so protective,” Dan mocked. "'Ya got good taste, Rogers. Pretty little dolly. But I thought you only liked boys?" Mayfield cocked his head a little at the last comment after letting his hungry eyes look at Jessica up and down.

Steve simply chose to ignore it and focused on keeping his anger in check instead. "I won't tell you again, Mayfield. Let us pass."

"What if I don't wanna? What you gonna do, huh?" He jabbed Steve in the chest to which he flinched a little but did not budge. "'Yer gonna call 'yer boyfriend come and save 'ya? Go ahead. I have a score to settle with 'im anyways."

Jessica shrank further behind Steve and gasped loudly when Bucky suddenly appear and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Jessica, go home,” he said calmly. “Don't stop for anything. Don't look back, just run." Bucky was looking straight at Dan. His jaw was set and his eyes darkened.

She was about to protest when Steve spoke to her gently, "It's okay. You go on home."

She nodded and walked away quickly. She was careful to keep a distance from Dan as she passed him.

"Aw, now why 'ya gotta scare the poor girl like that? I'm nice," Dan joked. Bucky had stepped forward and was standing shoulder to shoulder with Steve like brothers in arms.

"We don't want no trouble, Dan," Bucky replied, staring up at Mayfield. "C'mon Steve."

They went around Dan and Bucky was relieved that they managed to walk away. He really didn't feel like fighting.

But then Dan opened his mouth again. "Whatever happened to that blond from the dancehall? Did she dump you? You should have shared, Barnes. Remember how we used to share things, back when we were friends?" From the way Bucky glared at him, he knew that he had struck a chord. "Or maybe you dumped her. You never could stay away from pretty little Rogers here."

"I'm not doing this with you, Dan," Bucky replied softly. He could see Steve starting to shake, his hands were in tight fists and he was ready to pounce. He placed a hand on his shoulder, signaling him to stand down.

Steve had relaxed a little at Bucky's touch and they were about to turn away when Mayfield decided to drive it home. "Hey, maybe we would have stayed friends if I had sucked your cock the way Steve does, huh Barnes?"

His laughter was responded with a yell of 'Shut your mouth!' and before Bucky could act, Steve was already throwing himself towards Dan. It would have been truly Herculean if it had brought Mayfield down but he was too fast and too strong for Steve. Steve was thrown into the alley and crashed into the wall like a swatted fly.

"Steve!" Bucky yelled and he swung his fists at Dan who was busy sniggering at Steve. His knuckles crashed upon Dan's face hard and a sharp pain shot up Bucky's hand but he didn't care. Dan had hurt Steve, and he had to pay.

Dan stumbled back, a little surprised. He spat on the ground, there was nothing but blood. He held his hands up and just grinned. "I've been waiting for this for a long time, Barnes."

"So have I," Bucky retorted, mimicking Dan’s posture, preparing to fight.

Dan threw the first punch which Bucky ducked easily. Years of getting into trouble with his father as an adolescent had finally paid off. Being a military man, George had raised his son with an iron fist, literally and figuratively. Bucky learned how to deflect his father's punches or at least how to avoid getting hurt badly. He avoided Dan's second and third punch just as easily but the next attack caught him off guard. His ears rang as it landed on the side of his face. He stumbled backward and tried to shake it off. Dan lurched towards him and he side-stepped before planting a punch on his back, right about his left shoulder. Dan staggered forward but it wasn't enough to bring him down. He bent forward slightly to let the pain pass but Bucky didn't give him that liberty. Bucky threw another punch but Dan was quick enough to block it with an arm while hitting Bucky hard in the stomach.

As Bucky doubled over, Dan threw an uppercut causing Bucky's jaws to snap against each other. He could taste metal in his mouth as the inside of his cheek split open. Dan threw another punch that was almost too quick for Bucky to dodge but he was able to side-step once again and landed a kick right behind Dan's knee. It sent him crashing down and Bucky took that advantage. He threw a punch at Dan's face and then another.

He thought of what Dan had said before about him and Steve. The words started circling around him. He thought of what Connie had said. Vickie’s words from long ago rang loudly in his head like it was just being said. Random faces flashed before his eyes, all of them staring, jeering, making snide remarks about him and Steve. Words that he had ignored for so long. Everything started pouring out, frustrations from long ago made him blind with rage. He couldn't stop.

"Bucky," Steve croaked, slowly peeling himself off the ground. Realization hit him hard when his eyes landed on the brutal scene in front of him. "Bucky, stop!"

He staggered towards Bucky and tried to pull him away. It took him a couple of tries and all of his body weight to push Bucky off of Mayfield. Dan's face was smashed. His nose might have been broken, his eyes were swollen shut and his lips were split in various areas.

"If you ever come near me or Steve ever again, I will fucking kill you. And if you breathe a word of this to anyone, I swear, I will not hesitate to do what I should have done a long time ago," Bucky spat before turning to Steve. "'Ya a'right?"

"Yeah," Steve lied weakly. He could feel the bruises beginning to form on his side where he smashed against the trash cans.

"C'mon, let's go home," Bucky said. he was about to put an arm around Steve's shoulder but thought better of it and ended up just giving him a little slap on the shoulder. They staggered home together in silence.

\-----

Bucky laid his head back as he rested on the sofa. There was a bruise on his stomach where Dan had knocked the wind out of him and it made it hard for him to sit up straight. Steve had brought him a washcloth and a bowl of hot water. The heat felt good on his bared stomach. He tried not to move so much when Steve dressed his facial wounds although he did flinch and hiss when Steve dabbed on his face, cleaning off the blood as best as he could. Bucky noticed that his movements were slow, the after effects of being thrown against the wall. He had tried to mask his pain as he tended to Bucky but the minute he was done, it was Bucky's turn to fuss over him.

"Lift up your shirt," Bucky instructed him as he put away the first-aid kit. Steve protested, insisting that he's fine. "Off with it, Rogers before I have to tear it off you."

Quickly frankly, Steve wouldn't mind it if Bucky had done it. But it wasn't the right time to be thinking about that, so he shoved the thought aside. He was able to lift his shirt halfway before it started to really hurt.

"Jesus," Bucky said under his breath as he signaled Steve to come closer so he could get a better look at the ugly bruises that had formed on Steve's skin. Angry reds and purples against the milky white skin. Steve removed his shirt and stood in front of Bucky who was busy wringing the washcloth that he was holding hastily. He pressed it lightly on Steve's bruises. rivulets of warm water trickled down Steve's side and onto the top of this pants.

"You're soaking my pants, genius," Steve pointed out, trying to lighten the mood.

Bucky kept on applying heat and pressure on the bruises. Steve let out a little hiss as Bucky pressed down on a particularly painful spot. Bucky paused and looked up at Steve. "Sorry."

Steve just smiled slightly and looked away. "It's not as bad as it looks," he said softly.

"Why 'chu do it?" Bucky asked softly, still pressing the washcloth against Steve's body. "What were you thinking?"

Steve frowned at Bucky's question. It was a question that didn't need to be asked. Bucky knew that Steve would never let something like that go. What Dan had said about Bucky, what he had insinuated so crudely. Steve had fantasized about being with Bucky numerous times before but his fantasies were always full of love and it was beautiful. But Dan had twisted it, making it seem like it was something ugly. Like it was wrong. It may be illegal, sure but it's not wrong, Steve thought to himself. How can it be wrong for him to be in love with Bucky? Steve wasn't going to allow someone like Dan Mayfield ruin his fantasies. and the things he had said about Bucky, the way he insulted his Bucky. His anger started to rise again just thinking about it.

Bucky must have noticed it, as he said gently, "I know how you feel, Steve. But he was so much bigger than you. He could really hurt you."

"That's never stopped me before, you know that. Dan Mayfield is a bully. Always has been. And I don't like bullies, I don't care who they are or where they come from.” Steve frowned. “I still don’t get how you could be friends with him before."

Bucky just sighed and decided to just drop it. There's not arguing with Steve when he's being like this, so righteous, so eager to protect. Bucky studied the bruises, it was beginning to look a little better and the swelling had reduced. He ran his fingers over them and he could feel Steve tensed up under his touch. It must be more painful than Steve had claimed.

He apologized again and said the first thing that came to his mind. "Hey, you remember how your ma used to flip her wig whenever we get into fights?"

Steve smiled at the memory, "She made sure to teach us a lesson by being a little less gentle while cleaning us up."

Bucky chuckled, "Yeah but once done, she always plants little kisses on them. 'To heal them quicker' she said." Absentmindedly, he started leaning closer towards Steve's bruises and lightly brushed his lips on one of them.

Steve thought he had imagined it. It was as light as a feather, barely even there. Until he felt it again, a little harder this time. His heartbeat quicken. He was almost afraid to look down at Bucky. Afraid that it was all in his head. But it wasn't. Bucky was kissing his bruises. He swallowed the lump in his throat before attempting to speak but nothing came out of his mouth. What escaped from his mouth sounded more like a soft whimper.

As if he was suddenly snapped back into reality, Bucky blinked before looking up to Steve's questioning blue eyes. "To make them heal quicker," he said with a smile. Then he stood up and headed to the bedroom, leaving a surprised Steve gaping and blinking at the closed door.

\-----

Bucky had his back against the bedroom door. His heart was pounding and he was so scared, his hands were shaking. He leaned his head against the door and closed his eyes, thinking of what he had done.

_But it was so inviting_ , his lips argued defensively.

It sure was. Steve's bared skin, all soft and tender with bruises. Bucky felt his throat tightened when he saw them. He brought his fingers up to his lips and closed his eyes, trying to recall how it felt to have them against Steve’s skin. He could have kissed all of Steve’s bruises if he hadn’t been interrupted. He would have kissed all of Steve; his sores, his aches, his delicate fingers, his jutting collar bones, his gaunt shoulders, the soft curves of his lips, the eyelids that hide the most beautiful deep blue eyes. Bucky had seen that skinny waist many times before but it felt like he was actually looking at it for the first time. How Steve's pants slung low on his hips, exposing much of his V-line, drawing his eyes lower still.

A familiar heat coiled tightly low in his belly. The tiny hairs on his arms prickled with electricity and gave him goose pimples. The emotion came unannounced and so did his erection. He had only felt this way with Vickie, Madison, Betty, Angela, Clara, Mary, Cynthia, Lauren, Kelly, Connie and even Shirley once upon a time. But not Steve. Never with Steve, or with any other man for that matter.

Bucky’s eyes flew opened when he realised that his hand had moved from his mouth to the inside of his pants.

_Fuck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that's all I have for now. Currently working on the next chapter. Hopefully it doesn't take long to update again. If you have any prompts for me or simply would like to drop me a note, here's me on [Tumblr](http://godlovelifemusic.tumblr.com/)


	15. First Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys for the long wait. Things have been pretty crazy lately and my Beta had a full plate too so it took her a while to return me these chapters. But here there are! Hope you guys enjoy it. And thank you so much for sticking with me all these while. Means a lot!

 

_**1935** _

_Bucky had been dating Susie for almost 3 months. The longest he's been with anyone. He was absolutely smitten by her and she simply adored him._

_"Hey, Buck? 'Ya think I'd ever get a girl like Susie?" Steve asked._

_Bucky laughed a little. "What, for yourself?"_

_"No asshole, for Ma. I know she would love to have a daughter. Of course for myself, fat-head."_

_Bucky laughed again, "A'right, a'right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. And yes, you can. Steve, anyone would be lucky to have you."_

_"Yeah right." Steve looked down at his charcoal stained hands._

_"Right. Just look at you, sunshine blond hair, pretty blue eyes. What's not to like?"_

_"But I'm not you, though," Steve replied softly._

_"So what? Not all girls go for someone like me. I mean most girls do but not all of them."_

_"Yeah, some of them go for someone like Dan Mayfield." Steve looked up and jerked his chin a little to the young couple engaged in an intimate conversation._

_"Yeah, those with bad tastes," Bucky scoffed. "Hey, what's with the question anyways?_

_"Nothing, just wondering," Steve shrugged. I mean, if I can't even get a girl, then how can I ever get married?"_

_"Jesus Steve, everyone's here stressin' out about homecoming and you're talking about marriage? Don't you think you're getting ahead of yourself?"_

_Steve just sighed. "I've given up on prom."_

_"Did you ask Annabelle like I suggested?" Bucky asked, his eyebrows raised accusingly._

_"Yeah, she's going with Larry."_

_"What about Sherry from Science Class?"_

_"Taken."_

_"Well, you could always ask that girl who sits behind you in Math. What's her name?_

_"Daisy. Asked her too. Taken." Steve replied, his lower lip jutting out slightly. He's trying not to let it bother him so much, but it's hard when your best friend insisted on reminding you of your failure._

_"Really?" Bucky's brows raised again and his eyes widened to match._

_"Yeah. Either_ that, _or she's lying. Which I doubt."_

_"Maybe you're not askin' them right."_

_"How many ways is there to ask someone to prom?" Steve asked incredulously before groaning in misery. "Once again I'm the pathetic loser who doesn't have a date for a dance."_

_"Steve, you're not a loser," Bucky said softly. His voice was warm and comforting. "Hey, how about you go with us?"_

_"Us, as in you and Susie?" Bucky nodded, grinning like it's the best bad idea he's ever had. "You're kiddin', right? I ain't gonna be no third wheel."_

_"Nonsense. She wouldn't mind."_

_"You sure?_

_"Sure I'm sure. We could go pick her up together. She'll be the only_ lass _with two dates. She'll be thrilled."_

_"Okay."_

_\-----_

_Bucky arrived at Steve's apartment as he was about to get dressed, but Bucky wasn't wearing his tux._

_"Why aren't you dressed?"_

_"We're ain't goin'," Bucky sauntered passed Steve at the door._

_"What? Why not?"_

_"I dumped her." Steve had no words. He closed the door without taking his eyes off Bucky who had already himself comfortable on the couch. His mouth hung open but nothing came out. "Yeah. Said she'd rather not go to the dance than having to go with a...you."_

_"So you dumped her?" Steve couldn't believe his ears. Bucky and Susie had been inseparable for months._

_"Yeah, it's not somethin' 'ya gotta wrack your brain about. Can't be with someone who doesn't like my best friend."_

_"Aww...jeez Buck, I thought you like her."_

_Bucky laughed. "I do. But I like you more." He flashed Steve one of his_ cocky _grinned and winked, and if there's a hole on the floor, Steve would've gladly jumped in it. Instead, he just chuckled and look away, hoping that Bucky hadn't seen his cheeks turning red._

_"So what 'ya wanna do now?"_

_"I'm gonna hang out with you." Bucky patted the seat next to him, asking Steve to join him, then leaned back and spread his arms out over the top of the couch. Steve walked over to join him, looking more than a little forlorn. "Wow, I didn't know that you really wanted to go."_

_"Oh no, it's not that. It's just that..." Steve started, his shoulder hunched forward._

_"What’s the matter?" Genuine concern was on Bucky's face as he bends forward towards Steve, placing a hand on his shoulder._

_"I used up all my savings to rent the tux," Steve replied quietly. He didn't want Bucky to feel guilty._

_"Hmmm...well in that case. Go put it on," was all the brunet said._

_Steve's head snapped towards Bucky, "What?"_

_"Well, go on. You already paid for it, you should at least get to wear it." Bucky shoo-ed Steve into changing into the tux. Then he went over to the old radio and started fiddling with the knobs until a clear signal was received. Steve felt self-conscious in the tuxedo that was a little ill-fitting for him. That was always the case for him, clothes are either too big or simply doesn't fit right on this body. He kept tugging on the hem of the jacket. He peeked up at Bucky who was staring at him wide-eyed and a stupid grin on his face. Bucky wolf-whistled and Steve suddenly felt a little hot around the collar. Bucky's grin broke into a wide smile as he noticed the blush on his best friend's cheeks. He strutted over to Steve, snapping his fingers along to the song and held out his hand exaggeratedly. "Shall we dance?"_

_"C'mon Buck, you know I can't dance." Steve pouted._

_"If you go to the prom, you gotta dance." Bucky wrapped his fingers firmly around Steve's wrist and pulled him closer. "Just c'mon will 'ya."_

_Steve shuffled his feet awkwardly, trying to keep up with bucky. But he ended up stepping on his feet. Bucky tried giving him instructions, but it ended up with him looking down at his own feet that he accidentally headbutted Bucky in the lip._

_"Goddammit, Steve!" Yelled Bucky backing away._

_"I'm sorry! Fuck bucky, I'm so sorry," Steve replied. "I told you, I'm hopeless."_

_Bucky touched his swollen lip to make sure he wasn't bleeding and let out a sigh. "You're not hopeless Steve. C'mon, let's try again."_

_Bucky took steve's hands again and instructed him to get on his feet._

_"You want me to what?"_

_"C'mon, I'm not gonna spend the whole night teaching 'ya how to dance. Just step on my feet, it's how I do it with Becca. C'mon, I'll move for the both of us."_

_Steve did as he was told. Bucky was so much taller than he was. When Bucky started moving his feet, Steve lost his balance and almost fell over. Bucky grabbed him by the waist and pulled him close. "Better hold on tight, pal" Bucky grinned._

_Steve let Bucky wrap his arms around him while he leaned his cheek against Bucky's chest. The beating of Bucky's heart thumped gently and he closed his eyes, willing his heart to beat to the same timing. Bucky moved in time with the song, slowly swaying from side to side, bringing Steve along with him._

_A soft sigh escaped from Steve's throat and his eyes flew open. He wondered if Bucky had heard it. Steve was sure that he was as bright red as a tomato by now. But all Bucky said was, "Yeah I know, I kinda have that effect on people." Bucky's chuckle vibrated through his chest and tickled Steve's face._

_"Bucky?" Steve murmured softly._

_"Hmmm?"_

_"You know this is my first dance, ever?"_

_"I know, buddy."_

_"Thanks, Buck, for being my first."_

_"You're a sap, 'ya know that? Always so dramatic." Bucky laughed lightly and joked, "First kiss, first dance. How did I get to be so lucky, eh?"_

_Steve didn't know how to answer to that so he just kept quiet. He felt that he was the lucky one but he didn't say anything. When Bucky realized he wasn't going to get a reply, he just hugged Steve a little tighter and said into his hair, "Thanks for letting me be your first."_

_Bucky may be resting his mouth on top of Steve's head, but he could never know what was going on in it. Or what was going on in Steve's pants, for that matter._

_After Bucky left later that night, Steve laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling. His Ma was on the night shift again and Bucky had offered to stay over. But Steve declined, saying that it wasn't necessary. Memories of the night still fresh on his mind, just like the smell of Bucky on his shirt. Apart from the pants, he didn't bother to change out of it. He wanted the smell to overwhelm him for as long as possible. He replayed the dance over and over again in his head, making sure to remember every little detail of it; the way Bucky's heart beats close to him. The warmth that radiated from his body, the way their legs would brush against each other intimately, and the sway of Bucky's hips as he danced them around the room._

_Steve let out an unrestrained moan as he pressed his hand against his erection, again and again. When he finally wrapped his fingers around himself, it didn't take long before he came, hot and sticky and with Bucky's name on his lips._

\-----

The bell rang to signal the end of Bucky's 10-hour shift. His arms and shoulders ached from a day of lifting, pulling and pushing. He can't wait to get home and step into the shower. Together with the rest of the guys, he made a beeline to the water pipes lined at the side of the warehouse. The water felt cool on his face and hands. He frowned as he tried to scrub some dirt out from under his fingernails.

"Barnes!" He heard someone called out from behind him. He looked up and stepped aside, letting the guy behind him a turn at the water pipe.

"Hey Roy," Bucky replied as the tall man approached him. "Thanks again for letting me have this shift."

"Don't worry about it," he replied with a wave of his hand. "Listen, Shirley has been bugging me about this and it just kept slipping my mind."

"Oh right, my RSVP for the wedding," Bucky suddenly remembered.

"Yeah, Shirley's been asking if you're gonna be there - and I thought - 'ya know, since Connie is gonna be there and the whole thing between you and her - "

"Hey, say no more. If she don't want me there, I'm fine with it," Bucky replied sincerely.

"No, hey, you crazy? She does want you there, that's just it. You see, you and her, you've been friends a long time. 'Ya know? You're one of her oldest friends, and whatever happened, happened. Right?"

"Yeah?" Bucky replied, still unsure.

"Yeah. I mean, she's still mad at 'ya but she keeps askin' if you're comin'."

"Can I bring Steve along?"

Roy clapped Bucky's shoulders and laughed. "I knew you were gonna say that."

\----

"You sure you wanna go?" Steve asked

"I'm gonna be there for Roy and Shirley. That's all."

"And they want me to come too?"

"Of course, they do. They like you. Shirley likes you, you know that."

"Yeah I know. She's always been nice to me. Whatever happened between you and her anyways?"

"Meh, it wasn't meant to be. We're better as friends."

"So....You're really going?" Bucky nodded. "And....I'm like, your date?"

Bucky laughed and nodded again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop me a note at godlovelifemusic.tumblr.com


	16. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one for you!

The ceremony was beautiful, a small wedding for family and close friends. There must be no more than 30 people at the ceremony. The food served during the reception was delicious. Bucky tried to avoid Connie the whole evening. She had been busy with her maid of honor duties, much to Bucky's relief but that didn't stop her from trying to make eye contact with him. They were halfway through their meal when Bucky stood up abruptly. Connie was making her way to their table, and she looked flustered. Her brows were furrowed and her lips were pressed tightly into a thin line. Steve looked up at him concerned and signaled to him to sit down.

"Bucky, stop!" She called out. "We need to talk."

"Listen, Connie, I thought we've already settled this. Can't we just move passed this?"

Connie just looked at him stunned before she started giggling, all signs of annoyance on her face disappeared. "It's not that you fat-head! Roy's gonna need you to give a toast later."

"What? Why me? Isn't the best man suppose to give the toast?"

"Right now, you're the best man."

"What, what happened to - what's his name? Roy's brother?"

"He passed out. Too much to drink. We couldn't wake him." Connie replied dismissively.

"God," Bucky ran his fingers through his hair. "What should I say?" He thought out loud, looking at Steve who just shrugged. He felt sorry that Bucky had to be in that position but at the same time thankful that he's not in his shoes.

"We don't have much time Buck. Time for you to use that charm of yours to wow the crowd."

\-----

Charming the ladies may come easy for Bucky, but he's never been much of a public speaker. He's not the kind of person who gives speeches or announcements. He looked around the room and his heart started racing. Faces directed at him, several pairs of eyes just staring at him like he had just grown a second head at the side of his neck.

"Hi," he started. His voice cracked a little and he went on to clear his throat, buying time, waiting for the words to come. His eyes swept the room nervously until they landed on Steve, who was staring back at him. His eyebrows drawn close together, worried but the slight curl of his lips was encouraging. Suddenly his heart beat slowed down and he relaxed a little. Not taking his eyes off of Steve, Bucky opened his mouth to try again.

"Er...hi...when Roy told me to give a toast, I wasn't sure what to say, I'm not one for speeches. I don't really know much about love. Or being in love for that matter. Dating is what I'm used to." The crowd chuckled a little as Bucky grinned. The crowd's positive response eased his shoulders a little and his eyes swept comfortably across the room. "But Shirley and Roy weren't always lovers. Some of you might not know it, these two lovebirds started out as friends. Who would've thought something as simple as a friendship would amount to all this." Bucky waved his empty hand across the room and his eyes landed on Connie. She was smiling at him, full of warmth. He returned Connie's smile before addressing the room again.

"To fall in love with someone who you already trust, the keeper of your secrets. Someone who understands you and your jokes even if no one else does, someone who embraces your eccentricities, your mood swings; good, bad, whatever. Doesn't matter. Someone who still thinks that you're the most amazing person ever. That you're the only person that matters. Isn't that something we all hope for?" His voice lowered a little at the last question, caught up in his own thoughts. He managed to recover before anyone noticed anything and quickly turned to the couple. "And so, Roy and Shirley, thank you for giving us hope. May your love, and friendship, last...'til the end of the line. To Roy and Shirley." Bucky finally ended, lifting his drink a little higher, toasting the newlyweds.

"To Roy and Shirley," everyone chorused and toasted the happy couple before taking a sip of whatever was in their hand.

"And may the rest of us sorry souls be brave enough to take the plunge," Bucky added as an afterthought and the guests cheered even louder.

Bucky smiled triumphantly at Steve before sipping his own drink. Steve tried to keep his face neutral and smiled despite the heaviness in his chest.

\-----

Just as he predicted, once the dancing starts, he would be the only one at the table left. He knew Bucky could never pass up on the chance to dance, doesn't really matter with who as long as they can keep up. Steve watched as Bucky danced with Connie, then with Shirley, then a slow waltz with the mother-of-the-bride, who regarded him as a family friend and was wondering why he wasn't seated closer to the bride's table. Luckily enough, Steve found a piece of pencil in the breast pocket of his jacket together with a piece of an old receipt. He was so engrossed in distracting himself that he didn't notice Connie coming up to him.

"I should have known that you'd be drawing," she said lightly, her eyes not missing the sketched profile that had Bucky's likeness. Her voice over his shoulder caught Steve by surprise and he scrambled to hide the sketch. He turned to look at her smiling face and mumbled a greeting. A slight flush was rising to his face and his heartbeat quickened slightly. "Don't worry, it's our little secret," Connie winked at him before planting herself down in the empty seat next to him.

"Sorry, I...I just had to keep my hands busy," he replied.

"Does Bucky ever let it get to his head, what with you drawing him all the time?" Connie teased, her eyes twinkling. Before Steve could answer she changed the topic, much to his relief. "How about a dance?"

Steve shook his head and gave her a little wave before replying quickly, "No. I - I don't - " he fumbled with his words, "I mean, don't mean to be rude, it's just - I'm just - "

"Waiting for the right partner?" Connie offered, her smile still intact and her eyebrows raised slightly. Steve finally looked up at her as she slowly turned her head towards a laughing Bucky who was spinning a young girl, probably around Becca's age, across the dance floor. Steve followed her gaze and quickly looked down as he felt his face grew even redder. Connie touched his knee lightly and said, "I told you, our little secret," before getting up to join the two fellas at the other table. One of them was big, built like a truck, but has the same kind and loving eyes as Connie. They even have the same hair color. Steve figured they might be related somehow.

\-----

Steve folded his arms across his chest tightly as he waited for Bucky. Having said his congratulations and thanking Roy and Shirley for the invite, he didn't have anyone else to say anything to. Bucky, on the other hand, had his hand shook and pats-on-the-backs for the seemingly inspirational toast. He gave a sideways glance at the two figures standing by the door. Connie was smiling, her hand resting comfortably on Bucky's arm as she laughed at something he has said.

'Still charming the ladies,' Steve thought with a sigh.

Bucky had his hands in his pockets and was smiling, beaming, at Connie. For someone who didn't want to see her, he sure seemed pleased to be in her company. Steve frowned at himself for having such a thought. As his best friend, he should be happy to see Bucky smiling again.

Steve let out a sorrowful sigh and tucked his chin into his chest, trying to ignore the sting in his eyes, when he felt a gentle clap on his shoulder. He turned around abruptly, a little annoyed and surprised at the sudden touch. Standing in front of him were the two guys that he had seen earlier with Connie, the ones seated at the next table. They introduced themselves as Charlie and Edward. Charlie was the bigger one and Steve was right to think that he was related to Connie.

"I just wanna say thanks," Charlie said, "Connie mentioned that you're friends, together with the dashing brunette there," he gestured to Bucky who was still talking to Connie. "My sister is more than capable of taking care of herself, but it sure calmed me down to know that there're a couple of people here to watch over her, apart from Shirley."

"Charlie is such a worry wart," Edward chimed in. His teasing was gentle and loving, and it brought a smile to Charlie's face.

"Uh, it's - not a problem. Connie - she's real nice," Steve nodded courteously. He wanted to keep his walls up as he usually does with bullies, but despite their towering heights, he didn't seem threatened by them.

"Ah, but I heard that your friend was a little less than nice to her," Edward accused lightly, making him question his judgment. Maybe he was going to get a beating after all.

"Don't be mean," Charlie scolded gently, his face still soft.

Edward turned to look at him and shrugged. "I was just teasing, darlin'," Edward replied. Steve observed the little exchanged curiously. They looked like two ordinary lads, friends, but there was something different about the way they talked to each other. It's was like watching Roy and Shirley. It was like watching a couple. "Anyway," Edward continued, "we just wanted to say 'thank you' for watching over Connie, and also as part of the bride's side of the family, thank you for coming. We hope you enjoyed yourself."

"Yes," Charlie nodded. "And your friend was right, you know. Love and friendship do come together." He turned to Edward and smiled.

"Even better if they're your best friend." Edward touched the side of his nose knowingly as he leaned a little closer to Steve.

As they walked away, Steve tried to process what they had said.

\-----

It was awkward being around Connie again. Bucky wasn't expecting it to be so easy but Connie had been so kind and forgiving, it was like slipping into an old pair of shoes. Their conversation and bantering familiar and Bucky were grateful to have this friendship with her. He ran his fingers through his hair as Connie tsk-ed.

"I know that move," she smiled. "What's on your mind, Barnes?"

Bucky laughed as he caught himself, his hand still in his hair. He shoved it into his pants and tried to figure out how to ask the question that had been going over and over in his head the whole night. He took a deep breath and decided to just say it. "How did you know, Con - you know - about - " he lowered his voice before continuing, " - me and Steve."

Connie raised her eyebrows and looked at him bemused. A smiled slowly spread across her face as she tried not to gloat. "You've met my brother, right?" she asked.

"Yeah, Charlie, I met him. And his housemate, Edward."

Connie laughed at that reference and just shook her head gently. "Well, let's just say that Edward is more than just a housemate. They're best friends. I mean, best friends."

Bucky's eyes widen in shock as he finally understood. "Oh. And - and you're - a'right with that? I mean - isn't it - illegal?"

"Don't ask, don't tell," Connie shrugged. "I mean, they're not harming anyone. And they're happy, and that's all I could ask for them. I just want them to be happy." She touched Bucky's arm lightly and continued, "Just as how I want you to be happy."

Bucky hunched his shoulders forward and looked down at this shuffling feet. "But - what if - "

"Dare to take the plunge. At least tell him how you feel," Connie suggested.

 


	17. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys, so much, for staying with me all these while. Last two chapters, here we go!

Something warm touched Bucky's cheek. He stirred a little trying to get away but it seemed to want to stay. Bucky opened one eye and peeked at the world. It was already morning and sun rays were shining through the small opening of the window and directly onto his face. He groaned and turned away, ignoring its wake up call. He looked at Steve's empty bed and wondered why was it empty. His head was fuzzy with sleep and his forehead wrinkled as he tried to figure out the time and why Steve wasn’t in his bed.

While he was still trying to piece things together, Steve entered the room. He was already dressed, or at least half-dressed. His shirt was untucked and tufts of blond hair stood in all directions on top of his head. He also had a toothbrush in his mouth and had put on mismatched socks. He looked a little frantic but before Bucky could ask him anything, there was a knock on the front door.

Steve's eyes widen and turned to look at Bucky staring at him curiously.

"Open it," he said, his words sounding a little distorted because of the toothbrush. It was meant to be a request but anxiety made it sound like an order.

Bucky just covered his head with his pillow and said, "No way."

Steve groaned and walked out of the room. Bucky could hear him spit into the kitchen sink and rinsed his mouth before opening the door.

"Hi, Steve! Good morning!"

The voice sounded familiar to Bucky but he can't quite place where he had heard that voice before.

"Good morning, Jessica," Steve replied. Bucky's ears perked. _Did he just say, Jessica?_ "I thought we're meeting downstairs?"

"Yeah, I'm just bringing this over. Ma and I tried a new recipe and we had leftovers."

"Oh," Steve sounded like he was unsure to be appreciative or disappointed. Bucky hoped it's not another cake. "Thank you."

There was the sound of something heavy being placed on the kitchen counter and shuffling of feet before Steve spoke again. "Erm...I'm just gonna finish up getting dressed. You...wanna....?" He stepped aside and held out his hand, silently offering her to come inside.

"Oh no,"Jessica replied sounding a little flustered. "I'll just - I'll just wait downstairs."

"Okay, see you in a bit."

Steve was closing the door when Bucky came out of the room, not bothering to put on a shirt. The elastic on his tattered pajama pants had worn out slightly over the years and does little to hold the garment up. It hung low on his hips, revealing more of his toned torso and a slight tease of little dark curls that travels down his crotch. It's not something that Steve has never seen before, but recently, it's been getting harder and harder for him not to stare. Sometimes, he catches himself willing the pants to maybe, just slip a little lower.

Bucky ran his fingers through his thick dark hair making Steve wish that it was his own fingers doing it. "Was that...who I thought it was?" He asked

"Er...you mean, Jessica?" Steve asked, in between tucking his shirt tails down his pants. Folding his arms across his chest, Bucky leaned against the door frame and just looked at him through dark lashes with his brows raised up high. "I'm just helping her out with some stuff."

"What kinda stuff?"

Steve shrugged and grabbed his jacket. "Just stuff. I gotta go. That's lunch."

Bucky looked at the dish that Steve had pointed to and thanked god that it wasn't caked. "Hey, are we still - " before he could finish his question, Steve was already out the door, closing it behind him. Bucky just blinked at it, wondering why he was feeling a little disappointed.

\-----

It turned out that Jessica was interested in pursuing the arts and there's no one better to mentor her but Steve, having spent a year in art school. Jessica was lucky enough to have parents who were tolerant enough to let their only daughter dabbled in the arts and not pressurize her to get a job or to get married after graduation. There was an art competition in school that would really help with Jessica's registration and Steve has been kind enough to help her with it.

Bucky watched from under his lashes the exchange that was happening between Steve and Jessica. They have been standing outside the diner for over 20 minutes and there were no indications that the conversation was coming to an end. Steve's breakfast was already cold. Bucky had finished his and was on his third cup of coffee.

The sparkle in Jessica's eyes was blinding to Bucky and he wondered if Steve saw it too. She was doing most of the talking, occasionally dipping her chin down and eyeing Steve shyly as a smile spreads across her face. Bucky even noticed a blush rising when Steve said something to her and smiled. She was obviously smitten by him and was hanging on to each and every word that comes out of his mouth. Steve must be either really blind to see it or he's just an idiot. Bucky voted for the latter.

A couple of minutes later, the conversation finally ended and Jessica said goodbye to Steve but not without stealing a chance to touch his arm before walking away. Steve, on the other hand, had been a perfect gentleman and kept his hands tucked away in the pockets of his jacket.

When Steve returned to their table, he looked at the plate in front of him and eyed Bucky accusingly. "You stole my bacon."

Bucky gasped dramatically and frowned. He placed a hand on his chest with his fingers spread wide and replied, "I did not! How dare you accuse me of such a degrading act."

"Liar," Steve replied without looking at him and started forking his scrambled eggs. He shoved them in his mouth and made a face at how cold they've gotten.

"Yeah, well," Bucky replied nonchalantly, dropping the act. "That's what happens when you leave your breakfast alone for too long. Eggs get cold and bacon gets stolen."

Steve just glowered at Bucky as he finished his eggs, not exactly tasting them. Bucky flashed him a wide grin and started raising his eyebrows comically. "So what was that about? More 'stuff'?"

The question came as Steve was about to drink his coffee. He tried not to spill it as he nodded a reply. He failed. Bucky handed him a napkin and chuckled. Steve tsked as he dabbed on the little splotch on the front of his shirt.

"She's all bananas over you, you know that right? Better place your dibs on her else someone sweeps her away," Bucky pointed out, trying to hide the annoyance in his voice, curious as to why it was even there in the first place.

Steve put his coffee down on the table and sighed. "Bucky, we've talked about this. It's not like that."

Something lifted from Bucky's chest that he hadn't been aware of, and it made breathing a little easier. "What's the matter, she's not your type?" He had meant it as a tease but it came out sounding more sarcastic.

"Actually no, she's not my type," Steve huffed, not missing the sharp tone in Bucky's voice. He finally looking up at Bucky who just stared back at him. A slight crease was beginning to form between Steve's eyebrows and his lips were pressed into a thin line. He was getting annoyed, Bucky could tell.

"Really, are you sure?" Bucky pressed on bitterly. "She wants to be an artist, you're an artist. Match made in heaven if you asked me.

Steve sighed and pinched the space between his eyes. He really didn't feel like getting into it again. It's getting harder and harder to deflect the questions. Sometimes he felt like it would be easier to just blurt out the truth. "Yeah, well no one asked you," he muttered under his breath.

"Why are you in such a foul mood all of the sudden?" Bucky frowned. "Hey, if you would rather be with her than me, then, by all means, go ahead. I don't really care. As a matter of fact, I don't care. Really, I don't. Just - "

"Bucky," Steve cut him off. His voice came across a little too harshly than intended. His hand slapped down onto the linoleum table, rattling whatever was on it. Bucky gaped at Steve, surprised at his little outburst. A few of the other patrons turned to look at what was going on. "I feel a headache coming, can we skip the park and just go home?" He lied softly.

"Fine. Whatever you want," Bucky muttered.

\-----

Despite having insisted that he was fine, Bucky still refused to leave Steve at home alone. So they spent the entire Sunday indoors after they returned from breakfast that morning. Steve missed being alone with Bucky, just the two of them, but he didn't show it. The conversation was easy and everything was irritatingly normal. After dinner, Steve started on some sketches while Bucky decided to catch up on some reading. The radio was playing in the background, playing all the sappy love tunes.

Steve took a peek at Bucky through his lashes. Bucky's face was intense, his brows pulled together and his jaw clenched. He always gets like this when he's focused on something. Steve thinks it's absolutely adorable.

"Ease up, Barnes," Steve called out from across the room, before shifting his eyes back to his sketchbook. "You look like your head might explode."

Bucky looked up at Steve with a blank face. A little dazed from being pulled out of reading abruptly. He slammed the book shut and complained, "I need a break, this book is giving me a headache."

They let the music filled the silence between them. It took Bucky awhile to recognize the song that crackled through the speakers.

"Hey Steve, you remember this song?"

"Hmmm....they were playing it at the wedding," Steve replied without looking up. "You danced with Connie, and then halfway through you switched partners and danced with some blonde."

Bucky frowned at the play-by-play analysis. "What, you're tracking my movements now?"

Steve didn't reply. Bucky doesn't need to know that he was always watching him. He watched him as he laughed when he talked to Roy and Shirley, his laughter so clear to Steve's ears even though he was halfway across the room. He observed every handshake and pat-on-the-backs that he received from the other guests after delivering that toast. He saw the way he smiled when Connie talked to him and how he held her in his arms as they danced together.

"What can I say, Barnes," Steve replied coolly, trying to keep his eyes down on his sketching. "You're a pretty fella. Kinda hard not to look." Steve didn't know what made him say that. He's heard guys joked that way with each other before and...that's normal, right? Not that he was joking, he actually meant it. But Bucky doesn't need to know that. He hoped there was enough nonchalance in his voice for Bucky not to read too much into it. His hand was sending the pencil across the page but he wasn't even sure what he was drawing. He could feel Bucky's eyes on him and if he had looked up, he would've noticed the flame that flickered in Bucky's eyes.

Was Steve trying to flirt with him, Bucky wondered. He stared at the top of Steve's head that was now buried even deeper in the sketchbook than before. "Well, 'ya ain't lookin' now," Bucky flirted back, wondering if Steve would take up his challenge. Knots had started to form in his stomach. He could feel his dinner threatened to come back up and he swallowed hard, trying to keep it down, but not taking his eyes off of Steve.

Suddenly Steve looked up and Bucky forgot how to breathe.

They locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Bucky's head was reeling. This sensation – this sort of reaction – it's a feeling that usually happens when he's out with dames. The familiar ripples spread through him, catching him off-guard.

Steve didn't realize that he was holding his breath, his mouth was going dry. He ran his tongue across his lips and he noticed how Bucky’s eyes darkened as the gaze followed the movement of his tongue. A sudden blush rose from Steve's neck and onto his cheeks. He cursed softly and hoped Bucky hadn't noticed it.

Feeling like he was no longer in control of his body, Bucky got up and walked towards Steve. He noticed Steve's eyes widen as he got closer and closer until their knees bumped and their pants brushed against each other.

"Dance with me," Bucky said, but his voice was unlike anything Steve had ever heard before. It was low and husky, almost sexy.

"Bucky..." Steve breathed, his shoulders slightly slumped. It wasn't a question, it wasn't even a beginning of a sentence. But if it was, then he seemed to have forgotten what he wanted to say. Every cell in his body wanted to jump up into Bucky's arms and be swept across the floor, but yet, he couldn't move. There were so many questions running through his head, so many doubts that he didn't even know where to start.

"Steve, dance with me," Bucky said again, this time holding out a hand.

Steve looked at the hand that was offered before looking at Bucky's face, searching for answers, wondering if it was, maybe, in the tiny curl at the corner of his mouth. Steve took a deep breath and accepted the hand. Bucky's hand was warm. Bucky had always run warmer than him.

"I saw you dance with Jessica," Bucky pointed out, his hand was still curled around Steve's. "Do you want to lead?"

"I - no, you lead," Steve replied. The whole thing in itself was unexpected, but when Bucky placed his other hand on his lower back, he felt his whole body screamed.

They started slow, swaying gently along to the soothing voice of Nat King Cole, neither saying a word. Ella was next with a slightly faster number. Steve was ready to let go, but Bucky just pulled him closer and said, "Not yet, Rogers."

With every song, Bucky pulled Steve closer and closer, yet no other words were spoken until Steve couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"So, this is how it feels like to dance with the infamous Bucky Barnes."

Bucky chuckled at that and shook his head. He pulled Steve even closer until their bodies were pressed so closely against each other. Dipping his head low, he whispered into Steve's ear, "This is what it's like. Have you forgotten?"

Their first dance together, how could he have forgotten?

Bucky's breath sent shivers down Steve's neck and spine and buried itself low in between Steve's legs. He could feel Bucky's heart beating and he wondered if it had always been fast. His eyes traced the lines of Bucky's jawline and neck and the hollow at the base if it. No matter how hard he tried to control it, his mind started drifting to places that it shouldn't be. Steve quickly started recalling the price-list of Mr. Mayfield's fresh produces.

_Spinach...5 cents a pound, Iceberg Lettuce...7 cents per head, Potatoes...18 cents for 10 pounds, Fresh Peas...4 cents a pound,..._

Just when Steve had everything under controlled, He felt something pressed lightly against his temple. In the past, this tiny gesture would leave Steve sighing every time it happened. His heart would skip a beat and the butterflies in his belly would flutter. But after years and years of skipping heartbeats and fluttering butterflies, Steve has gotten tired of living in this fantasy.

"Bucky..." Steve said, his voice only slightly questioning.

"Still dancing, buddy," Bucky replied softly.

Steve swallowed hard before took a step back. "No," he said softly, his head shaking slowly, avoiding looking at Bucky’s face. "I don't wanna dance anymore."

"What? Why? Steve..." Bucky was bewildered. "Whats wrong?"

"I - just, stop. A'right?"

Steve turned to walk away but Bucky was quick to grab his wrist and stopped him. "Steve, tell me what's wrong," Bucky demanded. There was confusion in his eyes and also concerned.

Steve couldn't hold his gaze anymore. He turned away, his arm twisted uncomfortably. His voice was barely audible. "Why did you do that?"

Bucky opened his mouth but nothing came out. He heard the question but he didn't know what exactly Steve was asking. Or what Steve was asking for. "I don't - I mean - isn't that...Steve, I've been doing that for years," he chuckled uncertainly. "Is that...a problem for you? I can stop if you feel uncomfortable, or if you don't like it."

"That's the problem, 'ya see," Steve replied, still looking away. He took a breath and looked up at the ceiling before continuing. "I like it. More than I probably should."

 


	18. A New Beginning

The grip on Steve's wrist came loose and he pulled his hand free. A sideways glanced showed a crumpled face Bucky staring at him.

"What are you saying?" Bucky asked. His jaws were tight and his voice strained.

"Something that I shouldn't be saying," Steve replied, still not looking directly at Bucky, "but wanted to say for a long time."

A frown started to form on Bucky's face as he shook his head slowly, more to himself than to Steve. "No," he whispered. He took a step back, furthering the distance between him and Steve. He turned away and shook his head even harder, his voice louder. "No."

Steve turned to Bucky who looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. He stumbled backward, his eyes were cold and steely and they stared, wide and accusingly, at Steve.

"Bucky..." Steve called out softly. His chest started to ache as he witnesses the coming rejection from his long time love. He lifted a hand slowly, reaching out to Bucky but changed his mind and let it drop by his side.

Incoherent words started spilling out of Bucky's mouth as he started mumbling to himself. His eyes were glazed over and were looking at a spot on the floor. His whole body was tensed. Steve tried again and called out to him but Bucky just snapped at him.

"I trusted you," He said as he pointed an accusing finger at him. "I defended you. I defended us! For years. Years and years of gossips and people talking behind our backs. And each time I tell them that it wasn't true. It's not like that. It's nothing like....that. We're close, that's true, but we're not... - "

"Not what, Bucky?" Steve took a step towards Bucky, his hands curled into tight fists. "Go on, say it. Not what? Faggots? Fairies? Queer? Cake-eaters? Cock-suckers?" His aching chest all puffed up and his gaunt shoulders squared as he challenged the brunette to finish the sentence. "'Ya don't gotta blue-penciled on my account, Buck, 'cuz, believe it or not, I've heard much worse."

Bucky just looked at Steve with his mouth agape. He never knew that Steve had such a diverse vocabulary when it comes to the topic on hand. He could see Steve's chest heaving and his nostrils flaring. He has seen this kind of anger before but it had never been directed at him. Usually at some kind of injustice in the streets or at the bar. But never at him.

"Actually," Bucky started softly, after being shocked into calming down by Steve's outburst. "I was gonna say, 'lovers'."

It was Steve's turn to be speechless. His breathing regulated as his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Oh."

He should have known that Bucky wasn't that crass. He thought about what he said earlier and frowned a little. "You didn't have to do it, 'ya know," he continued, he voice was calmer now but still a little tense. "I can get by on my own."

He had realized that Bucky had rejected him. He was trying so hard to prevent his shattered heart from falling into pieces.

"Jesus, Steve," Bucky replied, messing with his hair again. "I wasn't exactly expecting a 'thank you' but some appreciation would be nice. I was just trying to save - "

"I don't need saving," Steve snapped. "I'm not one of your damsel in distress." _And I will not let you see me crumble._

"Hey, what are you mad at me for?" Bucky countered, his frustrating rising to match Steve's. "You're the one who fucking betrayed me."

"Betrayed you?" Steve repeated the accusation incredulously. "I betrayed you? You jerk. I have been nothing but loyal to you. Every step of the way, I was there for you. Every disappointment, every drunkard nights, every fucking heartache, I was the one who was there for you. Every time you fall apart, I was the one picking up the pieces, you selfish prick."

Every single word that Steve had said was true. Bucky knew that. But he wasn't going to give Steve the satisfaction. Not this time. He's not backing down. "How am I selfish? How am I selfish, huh, Steve? I have stood by you for years. I've devoted myself to you, to this life with you."

"Devotion? Is that what you call it? You run around town, chasing every skirt you see. For years I watch you go with girls after girls after girls. Every weekend, I stayed home wondering where you were, who you're with when you're coming back. But you like that, don't you? Having me to come home to. Someone to take care of you while you run around town being the next Casanova. You've been a glutton to your guilty pleasures for far too long, Buck. You want your cake and eat it too, but you need to wake up to the world around you. It doesn't always cater to your needs," Steve continued.

Bucky moved towards Steve. "If I'm so goddamn hopeless, then why the fuck did you stick around?" he demanded.

"Because I'm fucking in love with you, you asshole," Steve whispered harshly, his chest was heaving and it felt like he close to getting an asthma attack. He was so close to shouting it out. But if anyone else had heard that confession, he would be in deep trouble. Both of them, probably.

Bucky blinked as Steve glared at him. "You're...in love with me?"

"Hell, what d'ya think I've been tryin' to tell 'ya?"

"I thought...I mean. I thought it was just...you know..."

"For sex?"

Bucky nodded grimly.

"Jeez, Bucky." Steve didn't know what else to say other than that. "It's like you don't know me at all."

Biting his lips, Bucky thought of what to say. He has never had anyone told him that they're in love with him before. Well, maybe several dames but never a bird of his own flock. "So....", he started looking down at his feet, almost shyly. "You're really in love with me?"

"Yeah Buck, I am. I've always been."

"I - no ones ever. I don't - "

"It's okay, Buck. You can say it. I know you don't feel the same way," Steve smiled tightly, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"It's just...I don't know what I feel, Steve. But, I know this," Bucky slowly went for Steve's hand and interlaced their fingers, his eyes shifting from their hands to Steve's face, looking for a sign that he should stop. There wasn't any. "I know that you're the most important person in my life, and I miss you when you're not around. And I get hurt when...you say mean things, because, you can be such an asshole sometimes." Steve crinkled his nose a little at that last part but his eyes were still on their joined hands. "I have been honest and sincere with my affections for you and I suppose they must've come from somewhere, right? I mean, I always thought it was brotherly, but I suppose, it might not be?" Bucky looked at Steve questioningly. "And if you don't mind, I'd like to take some time to figure it out. With you. Is that - is that okay?"

Steve could have sworn that his heart grew twice as big. He tried to contain the smile that was growing across his face but failed. "Of course," he replied, gently stroking Bucky's hand with his thumb repeatedly, "we've got nothing but time."

Bucky smiled. Steve brushed a stray lock of hair away from Bucky's face and tucked it behind the brunette's ear. His hand lingered as his thumb stroked Bucky's cheek. A low hum escaped Bucky's throat as he closed his eyes and leaned into Steve's palm, surrendering into the touch. The sound vibrated through Steve's hand, sending shivers down his spine.

"Bucky," Steve continued. "I'd very much like to kiss you. Can I?" His voice nothing more that a murmur.

Bucky looked at him, his cool blue eyes slightly dilated. Steve wondered if he was asking for too much, too soon. But all Bucky did, was nodded. Steve leaned up higher as he pulled the taller man down a little. He ran his tongue over his lips and noticed Bucky's gaze shifted to his mouth, following the movement before it closed. Steve took a breath and could feel his lower lip trembled slightly. He pulled Bucky even closer and pressed their lips together.

Warmth spread unexpectedly all over Bucky’s body and he couldn't help but part his lips, granting Steve even more access to his mouth. Their breath mingled. Bucky was ready to lose himself into the kiss and was sorely disappointed when Steve broke the connection. The kiss was soft yet firm. It was exciting and new, yet strangely familiar.

Bucky opened his eyes and saw Steve looking at him adoringly. "We've got nothing but time," Steve repeated.

Bucky laughed a little. "I wish we could start over, act like strangers. I would very much like to fall in love with you."

"Oh, you will." Steve planted a quick kiss on Bucky's lips and grinned.

Right then, Bucky knew Steve was right because he was already beginning to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all folks! I would like to say thank you once again to all of you who had taken the time to read, commented and give kudos. I really appreciate it. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. xoxo


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